What is life supposed to be anyway?

[runinempt]

When I was young, my mother told me that gave up 2 scholarships, to Juleyard, to marry my father. One for her voice and one for piano. She could sing, it was a beautiful thing. When I was around 10, I ask to teach me to sing, she agreed, but only lasted unto my father got wind of it,, that was the end of that. He thought that would make me a sissy born for work and nothing more. So began a life in the shadow of a tyrant. I have had many dreams over the years I wanted to learn to sing, that was my first taste of the arts and I loved it. I dreamed of college, I wanted to learn piano or some other instrument. I dreamed of learning to fly, a plane, I had plans to be a Doctor, that was dashed when I was13 you are not smart enough to be a doctor!!!! I do not know the number of times, I was told I was not enough to be this or that. I believed so strongly that I stopped being any thing at all. A mindless drone, who worked and follow orders. Nothing more, nothing less. I never attended a school dance, even to this day, now that I realize it. I have never been to a dance, in my nearly 70 years. I never went to any school functions. My father never believed in Doctors or Dentists. A lot of the damage done to my body, never properly mended. I live every day with that pain. But great pain in my body, is no match for the pain in my mind. I still think some times there may yet to time to learn the things I dream of, to be the man I think I was meant to be. I worked my whole life thinking there would be time to do the things I wanted when I retired, I worked for 47 years. Then I retired thinking I would be free to do what wanted. Only, that wasn't in the plan for my life. 7 years ago I was diagnosed with diabetes, 5 years ago I had a triple bypass, 3years ago I had 4 surgeries on my tight legs, there was talk of amputation. But, they able to save it. 2 years ago, I had two tumors removed from my voice box, 1 year until now I've had three other surgeries, but only, my knee, shoulder and right hand. But, still not enough I go in next month to have the work, done on both legs to try to szve

[Agamemnon2022]

Hearing your story breaks my heart and I wish there were words I could say that would alleviate your pain. Time is so precious. I too have diabetes and constantly worry about losing a limb but no where near the degree that you are suffering. Any advice that comes to mind seem wholly inadequate. I guess I would concentrate on one thing that you'd wish you would have done and start learning or experiencing that to the highest level that your health allows you. Alternatively, you might consider telling your story to young men you run across to help them see the dangers of not identifying what you truly want and pursuing it as soon as possible.

[runinempt in reply to Agamemnon2022]

WOW, I am sorry for your condition, I did not know there were so many people suffering, such horrible things.