Vulnerability

[Tiberius3]

I am fully aware that I have gone my entire life afraid of a lot of things. But I would say by far, one of my worst fears is being my complete self and not being accepted or worse, being judged for it. I am aware that it comes from my abandonment issues with my mom, the bullying I received in elementary, and the household of my dad and grandmother that rejected my unladylike loudness and high energy personality. Despite knowing the psychological traumatic incidents in where this insecurity manifested, it is so ingrained in me today that it continues to be a huge factor in my ability to be vulnerable or even my real self in public. But, over the past 6months-year, I have been going through the hardest time of my entire adult life. Like to the point where I dreaded waking up EVERY SINGLE DAY. What this experience has taught me though, is that I am so much stronger and braver than I ever could have imagined. I have looked deep depression and the ideation of suicide in the face twice now in my life, and have survived. People have shown they are uncomfortable with my discussions of my struggles with anxiety and depression but I literally cannot hold it in anymore. The ones who cannot bear the discussion are the people who I do not need because I can no longer be afraid to be vulnerable. So if the worse thing at this point is someone not accepting me for being my truest self, then I think I can live with that.

What I believe now: You do not need anyone else to save you, you have to be willing to do what it takes to save yourself. Despite whether it be friends, family, or strangers you might have to stand against. You have to be willing to live with yourself everyday.

I hope this realization I have had will help someone else.

[LifeIsThePitts]

O gurrrl...you keep doing YOU!!! Im almost 49 and I wish I would have had this revelation 20 years ago like you are!!! See my post right below yours. I believe we're both on the same page 📃. If I'm willing to talk about my ISSUES in an open and forthcoming manner, I shouldn't be made to feel like a scapegoat because someone else is uncomfortable with my story. Sounds like the offended person(s) has a LOT of their own demons they're not facing.

We need qualified support and encouragement from like-minded people that understand what we're living with. This forum is a great tool to help you on your progression. Take care of yourself. Listen to your heart and soul... they won't lead you astray.

[LifeIsThePitts]

Oops...my post is above yours 🤭☝️

[Boston001]

It really is common to have IRL people pull away when you start talking about depression and anxiety, Family, friends, and so on. Only therapists and psychiatric providers, and that's only because it's their job, a paycheck, and after 50 minutes goodbye. And as you said, you have to learn how to advocate for yourself, which is counter-intuitive to the feeling of anxiety that wants you to avoid interacting with other people. It is the stigma that makes us feel vulnerable and why we wait until we think we have it bottom before we ask for help. It is admirable that you want to share and help others.