Newbie first post

[bridgfrigo3277668]

Hello all; first of all I would like to wish everyone peace,hope,strength and courage while trying to navigate the mazes we find ourself in. It can be a lonely road. I will try to be brief. I am a 65 year old woman and find myself trapped in a hellish prison of my own making. A lifetime of bad decisions has brought me here and now my anxiety and depression has the company of hopelessness, fear and shame. Almost 1 year ago it seems that my body and mind just shut down; difficulty working and not wanting to be out of bed. I retired, got on social security.I have no life to call my own,only a few possessions. Had to move in with a friend can't afford to live by myself. 4 people in 650 sq feet and a very chaotic environment. Spend all my time lying or sitting on my bottom bunk in a small room. To be honest, only reason I continue to exist is that I could not ever leave my son like that. Thank you for letting me share.

[LifeIsThePitts]

Welcome. I understand your frustrations of being trapped in the 🧠 mind hell of your own creation. Ultimately, we become the prisoner, prison guard, judge, jury and executioner over a long period of untreated, undertreated and grossly mistreated mental health problems. It's a lifetime of falling prey to our conditions. It's vital that you've recognized the role you've played in exacerbating your conditions. I applaud you for your insight and self awareness. And it's another huge step forward in reaching out for help and support here.

Ill be 50 next year. I've been fortunate to escape suicidal ideation, hopefully for the last time. Jan 2022 I was ready to end it. But my husband made me start TMS treatment for my treatment resistant depression and severe anxiety. That's essentially saved my life. I have to pay 100% out of pocket for my treatment because my insurance doesn't cover it. I've posted my experience with TMS and Ketamine last Nov. If you're interested, it can be found by scrolling through my profile page and read my past posts. I interact heavily with others here going through the same TMS process.

My #1 healing platform is YouTube. It's free. It's a WEALTH of mental health information on any topic you can think of. It's my go to every morning. I eat breakfast while listening to podcasts, meditations, conferences... anything that interests me in my healing journey. It's helped me understand my disorders and ME so that I can apply strategies that are meaningful in my life.

Diet, exercise, sleep, meditation, mindfulness, hobbies... ECT blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda... we've ALL heard this from every generic public address commerical, Dr, therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist. In one ear and out the other. Until you define the parameters around what those pillars of health actually LOOK LIKE for yourself in a daily practice, the problems will not abate.

I had to identify the voices in my head that have been emotionally pulling and dragging me around like a ragdoll all my life. I named my inner child/ego, Bertha. She's a BITCH on crack that I've had to tame...had to realize my biggest lifetime bully is ME. I had to realize the voice of my childhood sexual abuser from age 3 has had residency and control over me for decades. His voice just sounded like mine in my head forever.

These are not easy roads to travel. It's deep deconstruction and rebuilding of the inner you. But it can be done.

It's 6:05am. Time to go for a run with the dogs and hubby.

Lifestyle choices and self motivation for learning about yourself have been my keys to success. You've got to identify what speaks to your heart and mind and soul and body. Have a self care 🛁 day.