Im in a critical condition since sunday, i can't stop crying and panicing

[Against_the_current]

As i wake it, it begins. What should I do?

[ElephantsHear]

if you have thoughts of self harm or major disturbances of reality (anxiety/ high panic) consider seeking help in the emergency room. Are you safe? I not sure what you mean by critical condition, ie physical or mental health issue. If you believe in God you can recite to yourself, “the Lord, is my light and salvation, whom shall I fear. The Lord is a strong hold of my life of whom shall I be afraid?” I repeat that when I’m scared (like when I had a minor surgery). I wish you the very best. I hope that you’re safe. I hope if you’re in crisis that you seek help because you’re a very valuable and loved person. BTW- when my anxiety is very high and it’s late at night (the emergency Ativan hasn’t yet worked) I’ve called the suicide hotline and told them I was having an anxiety attack and they talked me through it. Best of luck.

[Against_the_current in reply to ElephantsHear]

Thanks. I was at the church, no help. Seeked suicide hotline wrong number. If i call the emergency i might be told to not waste their time or be put in a mental hospital

[012703060610]

you have been through so much. I have read your posts over time and I suspect you mean wake up and mentally face the day ahead of you. You are not alone here. As I go to bed, I know I’ll be up at least 8-12 times at night for bathroom urgency or kids. As the clock ticks by….my anxiety grows until I know I have to get up. For me, I have no choice with young kids. I often ask why me, why such horrible things have happened to me, and then I wish I could just be left alone with my pain all day. My husband draws distant as do I …. Not sure my marriage will survive. I had a “retrauma” about a month ago. My husband had done something that linked to a trauma experience. It wasn’t intentional nor his fault. He just doesn’t get PTSD. The kids were with their grandparents and I didn’t leave my room for four days. I have a small fridge in my room and so I stayed hydrated, but really didn’t move. I slept and slept and slept hoping to avoid my mental anguish. So how do I manage the day…..I require some significant alone time when I wake so I am up at 3am and have four hours until I wake kids. I get to be alone. Sometimes I game, sometimes I clean, sometimes I pack lunches. Now by 4pm I am ready for bed and for now my husband and kids are accepting that my bed time is by 6pm at the latest. So today….is there one thing that you would like to do that you can look forward to doing? Throw the crazy thoughts out and think about something you want, big or small. I don’t have to leave the house today but will to pick up my meds. My husband can easily do this, but it’s my personal goal to get there myself. He works and I am on disability. I want to drive and listen to my music. Alone! I am so sorry. Sending virtual hug.

[Against_the_current in reply to 012703060610]

Hugs. I don't think i will ever have a husband

[012703060610 in reply to Against_the_current]

Never say never! I married at 35!

[Against_the_current in reply to 012703060610]

I really worry everyone i like will get married and i will just be left alone

[012703060610 in reply to Against_the_current]

the fear is normal. However we are in way different times. Did you know if you were born in 2013, the first humans will start living to 150. Not everyone but more like the folks living to 100 when I was born in 79. Do you think you’ll meet your dream in your 20s and stay together 80 plus years? I’m just saying there is plenty of time. I remarried at 39. But I can empathize as I had similar thoughts exactly on my 25th birthday. I was out to dinner with friends and the only singleton. I put my energy into my career and hobbies and eventually it all came through. I wanted to marry older, if at all. There is actual magic in your 20s if you can get well enough to enjoy. I’m sure others in the air may feel the same, it there are times I do want to be alone….but husband and kids make it nearly impossible. Sending virtual hug!

[Against_the_current in reply to 012703060610]

I know and absolutely agree but parents and boys do not. I had a boy who supported me in all this madness and he left me in my pain because I didn't want to get married and have kids at 21 after he b*tched about it a lot. All i want is my 20s to be fun and healing but noo, inflation,wars, no place to live, graduating, need to get job, need to learn to clean the mold and prepare 3 meals a day and kill spiders and all the adult sh*t. Im just a traumatized kid, supposed to be an adult at 22 when people will live till they get tired of it

[012703060610 in reply to Against_the_current]

Ah yes! The learning curve to becoming an adult! First of all, you are thinking clearly as you know what next steps / options are. This is good. If someone left you during crisis, they were never going to stay anyway. I would count that as a blessing....because I've been that person. My ex husband dumped me right after having our third kid and a very bad c section with a lot of medical care needed. Didn't matter, he just let me birth our kid and served me divorce papers. I know some guys want kids early but some also don't. I know our countries are very different. Have you ever thought of being an au pair? Totally random. We had an au pair from Brazil that ended up staying with us for nearly 5 years (program was two years). I was traveling a lot and my ex husband was trying to start up a business. She was in a bad situation post college with an abusive ex (Christian rock singer). She had great English skills. She first matched with a crazy family and almost went home. She came to our home and there were these two tiny girls ages 2 and 3 that just ran over and jumped on her. To me, she was like another daughter and still is! She didn't know how to care for them either....! I taught her simple cooking techniques, laundry and how to care for young kids. I mean I was kind of winging it anyway! We would clean together and she came to all our vacations. She really needed that change in scenery and a fresh perspective. She was able to save SO much money and go back to Brazil for an advanced degree. She is married, with one kid now and teaches English full time. I mention this because there are different ways to achieve your goals. You don't have to go right into your field of study. Heck, I got a degree in math just because I knew it would help me find a job easy. To this day, I never really used a lot of math in my career. As for parents, to this day, I am constantly judged. My Mom is in hospice and there comes a point that we break away from our parents more dramatically. We don't share political views and as a kid I wouldn't have known better. As an adult, I want to stand up for my beliefs versus what my parents still tell me I should think. The one thing that at least you know.....if you decide to have kids one day, you will know what you can do to help them become an adult. I have my 11 and 10 year old kids scrubbing showers and my 5 year old waters all the plants. They simply each have a chore list that is fair and balanced based on age. What's amazing is that they love doing it. WHAT?!? Anyway, you sound so educated and want to be on the right path. I hope nothing I said here was offensive, just offering thoughts. I bet most of us give better advice to others than we do to ourselves! I just ended my weekly therapy and that was what my therapist says. She has her own therapist! We are all routing for you!

[Against_the_current in reply to 012703060610]

Thanks. Yeah, therapists need at least two therapists and this is making the job unaffordable for me. Appreciate the story. I really can't adult, nor go home, nor go somewhere else. I can't look after myself what comes to kids

[Hidden]

Hi, hon.I hear you loud and clear.

Let me just add to the other responses if I may. This is advice I've recently been given that might help.

-throw yourself (not literally now) into something you enjoy doing. For example, since I like to garden, I enjoyed repotting my tomato seedlings yesterday. What do you enjoy doing?

-talk to someone you trust.

I've also read your more recent posts and I am sorry you're dealing with all that. I just want to remind you of what you can and can't control. Do you remember what you can control?

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Thanks. That's an important reminder. I have problems with control. It's distorted. And i can't do anything in this panic and have nobody

[SoporRose]

Do you know what would help you? Can you articulate what help you need that's possible to get?

We're here for you, reminding you that we see your value. You are smart, determined, creative, and courageous. It takes a lot of courage to come to this site. I tell you again that I believe in you!

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Thank you so much. Would help if i had proper mental health services in my country so i could both receive help and know what to do to work this. I really needed a crisis line and rest. But i couldn't get. Everyone only wants money and to suck it up. Here you're either faking it and need to suck it up or you're absolutely insane and need to be treated like an animal. Maybe i even need a psych ward but here they're like horror movies, absolutely miserable living conditions, 3+ people in a room, no bedsheets and miserable living conditions

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

I know; It's awful. Those are reasons to consider trying to leave the country, to attend school somewhere with better, kinder resources. I know you have it in you to get better if you can find the help you need.

There are a lot of mental health resources on YouTube: Psych2Go, Therapy in a Nutshell, Mended Light. They won't take the place of real care or proper therapy, but they might help you feel less alone and might give you some ways to help. you talk with your therapist that could break some of the grid-lock you encounter in your sessions.

[Beevee]

Hi there. Sorry to learn that you are going through a very difficult time. I think it has already been said that you should seek help if your situation is critical. If your post refers to you not being able to face another day of anxiety, my advice is to let it all be there and not do anything to think and feel different. If I may, this means doing the opposite of your handle on this forum and going with the ebb and flow of the anxiety tide, rather than battling against the current. It is the constant battle to feel different or taking avoidance measures that keeps many sufferers trapped in this vicious cycle. That cycle can and will be broken in the way I have described by fully accepting all the anxiety symptoms. If you are familiar with the teachings of Dr Claire Weekes, she advises sufferers to bend like a willow (in the midst of the anxiety storm) accepting instead of fighting the symptoms. This may sound strange but can assure you that this is how to recover.Best wishes.

Beevee ❤

[Against_the_current in reply to Beevee]

Thanks. It's just too much and i can't even find medical help

[Milliewaterlilly]

Hi, I can relate to you. It's very difficult when it's so intense but you're being brave and wise enough to reach out and ask for help/connect with others. This helps to reduce the panic a bit in my experience.

I've been in this situation lately and when it's so extreme the only strategies that have work have been taking lorazepan, laying in my bed covered in heavy blankets for hours maybe and trying to call a crisis line Sometimes I have called a crisis line more than once a day and it usually helps to calm me down.

It's important not to be too hard on yourself under these circumstances, while your body is completely disregulated.

Is there any chance you can see a doctor or contact someone so maybe you can take some meds in this situation? Is there anybody you can trust nearby? Don't be afraid or ashamed to reach out, most people respond well when they're asked for help.

Once the panic goes down you'll be able to think more rationally and take steps to improve your health.

We're hear to support you 💜

[Against_the_current in reply to Milliewaterlilly]

Thanks. This would be perfect Just i couldn't find a crisis line. And couldn't find a doctor to take me seriously. In this country there's no proper mental health services