i don't want to do this anymore

[Nobody789]

I am 31 years old with no goals or ambitions. If I could work a regular full-time job that would really help me. It would force me out of the house and help my depression. Alas, I cannot do that because of how I cannot handle a job due to anxiety. I know, it doesn't really make sense, right?

I have no income and I am a parasite to society. I am on government healthcare, cell service and phone, and sleep on my mother's couch. I wish she would kick me out of the house because I feel she is enabling me by letting me stay here. I am in and out of treatment with different therapists, doctors and nurse practitioners because I can't make up my mind about if I really want help or not. I suppose my depression convinces me I don't need help sometimes, and then people give up on me because I am hopeless.

I believe there is nothing left to be done for me. I have wasted my life and want nothing more than to disappear.

[Hidden]

I never felt this kind of seen. I feel much the same. Working had been a nightmare and I've been on and off there as well as living at my parents. Feeling like a parasite and that I only hurt social circles and should just stay home which I did tonight. My social anxiety is off the charts and most night I lay thinking if it's worth it. That has gotten a little better since my parents shamed me and also helped me into becoming sober yet this feeling of distress never seems to go away and I always feel like I need to do something to get rid of it either if that's Journaling l, meditating or other methods. Yet I don't feel capable of doing that when I am so distressed. I did a short guided meditation for sleep last week which was nice. Have you considered doing any online job?

[Janasea]

If I was there with you right now, I don't know if I would slap you, or put my arms around you and let you know, you are so worthwhile, so beautiful and so wanted and needed, in a sometimes very very dark, scary world! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!! I don't care where you've been, what you've done or how far down you have fallen, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! JESUS CHRIST-is there for you and He will not let you fall! We don't make it through these hardships in life because we're holding to Superman's cape. We overcome the hard times because SUPERMANS HOLDING ON TO US! Believe in that truth, and your life will never be the same!

[Ronnietheblonde]

I am sorry you are feeling this. Your mother clearly loves you, you are very lucky. Have you considered any volunteer work for a while. Just to help get back out into the world but with less pressure than you'd get from a paid job. I do hope you start to feel better and more hopeful soon. We're always here. X