Stuffed up toilet

[Boston001]

My life is a stuffed up toilet. I keep plunging and plunging, it works a bit but gets blocked up again. As a child, I was inquisitive always trying to see how things worked, sometimes I'd take this apart. I wasn't so good at putting them back together hahaha. As a teenager, I had an older friend who was always working on cars so when I got my own car I asked Dave to help me fix my car, and he said "No kid, you learn by doing it yourself" and so I did. As I got older I realized I could analyze problems and make things work again, not fixed like new but working. Then Google Search came into town. Suddenly I was analyzing things, ordering parts, and really fixing, learning skills from people all over the world on a thousand or more subjects. And even more, I was building things like the computer I am sitting here using. So why can't I fix myself? Depression, anxiety, panic attacks, anger, sexual frustration, overeating, social awkwardness, unable to form relationships, unable to get and keep a job and being a magnet for trolls that see my awkwardness, and push my buttons just to **** with me.

[Mrspjsmom]

I like your toilet reference. I often feel like an overflowing garbage can. I push the trash down until there's no more room and the bag rips. I wish I could offer an easy fix. But sometimes I think the best thing to do is take life one day at a time. Our brains can't be fixed as easily as other things. If they could that would be an amazing Google search. But we are stronger than we realize and often kinder to others. Lock your posts to help with the trolls. That will help. As for the rest share what you can. It helps others here.

[Boston001 in reply to Mrspjsmom]

My trolls are real in person, former co-workers managers and customers. Internet trolls don't bother me so much. Yes I agree, one day at a time. Therapy, meds, and now TMS, I just keep walking forward hoping things will get better

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Boston001]

Wow real in person trolls would scare me. I have already needed to avoid some toxic relatives for my own well being. You'll have good days and bad ones. But we are here if you need us. I must admit that I am impressed you built a computer. I'm not good at things like that.

[Boston001 in reply to Mrspjsmom]

Anyone who has worked on PCs will tell you it's all just plug-and-play parts, just planning and researching to get compatible components, not brain surgery.

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Boston001]

I'm still impressed. I do lots of things. Create my own recipes when I cook, write poetry, do craft projects but have never had a knack for electronics.

[Boston001]

I awoke from a lucent dream this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. In the dream, I was talking with someone who was running for office and the subject was public disasters like hurricane Katrina, 9/11, and the pandemic. After being awake for a few minutes staring at the roof my mind ran down the rabbit hole of my personal disasters, so I thought I'd just write, maybe not a good idea to write and post without planning it

[LilyAnnepuppy]

I can’t fix a broken brain with a broken brain. Part of my mental illness is thinking I can. Really my thoughts should be used for entertainment purposes only.

I need input from other people (plumbers) to give me the tools I need to fix my issues. After many years, I have a lot of tools. But I need someone to give feedback on whether to use a hammer or a screwdriver.

[Boston001 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Going along with my analogy I love it. Yes I've been in a few support groups like this one, the last one dissolved when the founder went MIA. I agree with you that bouncing ideas off each other is entertaining and sometimes I think us broken people have more invested than the therapists and psychiatrists I talk with regularly. I feel like I am just a job number they work on and 50 minutes is up and my file goes back into the drawer

[Dot_]

Fixing ourselves is one of the hardest task to do. So hard in fact that some people never even attempt. But as long as you try and make the effort, shouldn't the attempt be worth something? It would be easier to just let it all go and stay stuck in the misery, Easier to give up. But in the long, working on yourself here and there is so much worth it. One step at a time.

By the way, I like your toilet reference. I think sadly a bunch of us relate to it. Myself included. Wish you well

[Boston001 in reply to Dot_]

Thanks!

it's not the destination it's the journey they say. At this point, I don't have the option to give up. Caring for my 90 year old mum is my responsibility. Apparently, my other two siblings are more damaged than I am, and have other plans.

[Hidden]

Love your description 🤣

[Boston001]

Interesting string of adjectives, I take it you have been burned more than a few times (rhetorical). Online trolls can be ignored or dehumanized, but the real world Trolls have stopped me from being productive and even become paranoid, and agoraphobic

[Mrspjsmom]

And I have cut off all contact with mine.

[Hidden]

I relate to how you’re feeling. I have bipolar disorder and I’m on disability and I just can’t seem to work anywhere. I feel like an outcast loser. It’s rough. I don’t like my negative attitude either, but I’ve been through a lot with psychiatrists and therapists and psychiatric wards. I hear you.

[Boston001 in reply to Hidden]

Ya feeling like an outcast. I talk with my therapist about that all the time and this is 2023, I can't even walk into the woods and become a hermit because every scrap of land is owned by someone somewhere, and I have one last responsibility here on earth