One Step at a Time

[Bufly_60]

Good Morning Family, I’m a little nervous about meeting my male friend today. I have been going through a transformation with God since last Friday and I haven’t seen him in five days, but we’ve talked on the phone. He drinks and this is one of my triggers that God is dealing with me. I haven’t had a drink of alcohol since Valentine’s Day. God has taken that taste away from me. I’m afraid that if I do see him he’ll bring alcohol to our date tonight. Drinking brings out things and situations when we’re not in our right state of mind. I was molested by my dad at an early age and it progressed to unthinkable acts that have me where I am today, in recovery. Even the smell of alcohol at times brings the memory to surface. I’ve come so far that I can’t go back there in that drunken state. As I type this right now, I’m on my swing outside typing this and trying to get clarification from God to lead me to do the right thing. That’s to keep moving forward. Thanks for listening family. Miracles of blessings.

[AnxiousSilver]

Hi Bufly,

Just trying to throw something out on the table.

Does your friend know about your history or issues about alcohol?

Would he be OK if you told him that you would be more comfortable if alcohol wasn't around?

[Bufly_60 in reply to AnxiousSilver]

Hey AnxiousSilver, yes, he does. When I met him about a year ago. I shared with him that I am a working progress & trying to heal from my past. I truly believe that I have outgrown our relationship and I’m praying for closure and end it. Miracles of blessings

[AnxiousSilver in reply to Bufly_60]

"I truly believe that I have outgrown our relationship and I’m praying for closure and end it."

Would it be possible if you said to him (something along the lines of) that

"You would feel more comfortable if he didn't bring alcohol tonite?"

.

If you're looking to (possibly) end the relationship, maybe that could possibly work out.

I don't know, I'm just trying to help, and hope that everything works out.

[Bufly_60 in reply to AnxiousSilver]

Hello AnxiousSilver, I didn’t think about support for Alcohol, that’s a great idea. Thank you. I just want better for my self & life. I think perhaps Praying to God to help me also. You are a great help. Let’s keep moving forward. I hope we have a better day. Thanks for your help. Miracles of blessings.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Have you joined the Drink Free community on HealthUnlocked? It may be another resource you can use for support.

I’m with Anxious Silver. What are you getting out of this relationship? I found I needed to change some people, places and things when first getting sober.

[Bufly_60 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

LilyAnnepuppy, He came into my life right after his wife died. I think that I felt sympathy for him and wanted to help, but instead it was not for me. I was trying to heal and find myself. I’m having to readjust my life the way it’s suppose to be and that’s healing from my past. Really, I received comfort and it filled my lonely life during that time. I wake now and can see that this is not healthy for me. I have to make the right decisions because I am a changed individual. Miracles of blessings.

[Bufly_60 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

I did see a alcohol discussions, but I haven’t made up my mind yet. Thank you. Miracles of blessings.

[Bufly_60]

Good Morning Depranxious, that’s easy to say, but I’m still building and healing. My dad was alcoholic and when I couldn’t make the right decisions I chose to drink during that time to resolve my problems, but to no avail IT DID NOT, it made my life situations worse. I’m going to not partake in any alcohol, I’m praying for strength to overcome that taste, because it destroyed me & my children back then. I’m going to b strong and keep praying and most importantly avoid any and all triggers. Miracles of blessings.

[Bufly_60]

Update Family, I made it through our date night. No alcohol was brought or consumed. We had ice cream and fries. There’s nothing better than ice cream (butter pecan) and hot fries. We did have a great conversation. We went to our favorite spot on the river dock watching the water. I did explain that God is transforming my life and I am trying to give God all the glory and do the right things in life. Basically set the boundaries and what is and isn’t expected in a dating relationship. Yep, if you’re not my husband man. You get the basic relationship characteristics and nothing more. I’m waiting on my husband man only and the candy store is locked until further notice. Overall, our date night went better than I expected. I just made some readjustments and he said he’s willing to wait. So, for me “One step at a time” Good Night Family. Miracles of blessings.

[Agora1 in reply to Bufly_60]

Do what your heart tells you to do. I'm happy your date

went better than expected. Goodnight Bufly, sleep well xx

[Bufly_60 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you Agora1, We had a good conversation about God and his principles. Miracles of blessings.

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Bufly_60]

Thanks for the update. Glad to hear it went well.

[Bufly_60 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Hello LilyAnnepuppy, Thanks you so much. I was nervous about the whole situation all day. Even though we had a great time talking. After seeing each other for five days was very different when I seen him. I’m being transformed with God to do better if I want better. I did find out in my heart that I love him, but I’m not in love with him. I think I feel obligated because he came into my life at the time I was healing. I’m not settling less anymore. I deserve better and I deserve a good person that God has for me. You are so important to a lot of individuals like myself who is struggling to come to realization about our life and the steps we take to have true happiness. Miracles of blessings.

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Bufly_60]

Baby steps.

[Bufly_60 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Definitely. Miracles of blessings.

[Daisy425]

hi Bufly!

I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. Is there anyway you could have a conversation with your friend before the date and share that you would feel more comfortable if he didn’t bring alcohol? Just a thought!

[Bufly_60]

Our date went well. I set my boundaries and explain a whole bunch of things I wanted to do which is the way God wants me to be & do. I hope you’re having a beautiful day. He now understands and see I’m serious about getting my life in order. Miracles of blessings.

[Midori]

If your friend brings alcohol to meet with you, couldn't you ask him to stop? Does he know the trauma you went through?

If not I think you should tell him, if he already knows, perhaps it's time to call a halt to the relationship, as it sounds like you could easily be dragged back into drinking again.

I don't know how else to advise you, My late husband was a drinker and abusive.

Cheers, Midori

[Bufly_60 in reply to Midori]

Hello Mindoro, Thanks for your response. We did have our date & I let him know that I prefer no alcohol to be a part of our date. He complied. Last night we had a good talk and I explained where my life expectations are headed. He did know that my life and myself are being transformed for the best of my healing. He says, he still wants to be a part of my life. Between us, I know better. I’m being patient, watching & praying for God to allow me to see the real him. Miracles of blessings.