Taking it one day at a time

[JohnPB]

I am just about finished moving into the basement from my room 2 floors above. I have a difficult time dealing with change, even when it is positive. I now have more privacy and can be up early and even sing karaoke without disturbing anyone else. I have a large room and closet with enough space to accommodate all my belongings. The most stressful part is moving all of my things an organizing because I am a pack rat and organizing a room is not one of my strengths.

Being dealing with loneliness from feeling isolated. My roommates keep to themselves for the most part and are not talkers. I am working on deepening existing friendships and establishing more friendships for get more connected and receive/give support. Work is a quite environment and many coworkers do not talk on breaks or lunch. They are connecting with their personal tech devices. I am looking for work that is more social.

Sometimes I have thoughts about what if something terrible happens to me. These happen when I am tired, discouraged and depressed. I remind myself that what we worry about seldom happens and that I am feeling vulnerable for the afore mentioned reasons.

One of my friends emailed me and said he is taking a break from our friendship because he is going through some difficulties and that is all he said he would share. I think I have too much drama in my life for him, and he does not emotions very well. We have known each other for 5 years, and I feel like I do not know him very well. He seems to feel more comfortable talking about things, so I am not experiencing much of an emotional loss now.

Feel free to share your thoughts and if you have similar experiences.

[JohnPB]

Hi John, This is John. I am replying to you because not anyone else did. Maybe they overlooked your post.

[JohnPB]

Okay

[Hidden]

Hi JohnPB,

I hope you have made progress with organising your stuff! Last year I watched youtube videos on how to organise stuff and I was able to apply it at work and organised the whole room to work for my team. I think people like us don't do well with change because of the unknown and the what ifs. I have read your back posts. I, like you also suffer from anxiety and depression and I use to have OCD. I am also a christian. My favourite go to scripture is 2Timothy 1:7, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity and fear but one of power, love and a sound mind." I have a good support from my christian friends and my recovery came from church counselling. Do you have support from your church?

The art of conversation and interaction has been killed off by the mobile phone, tablets and gaming devices and they wonder why there is an mental health epidemic looming! I'm sorry to hear you're looking for another job just so that you can have social interaction. What kind of jobs are you looking for? What job are you in now?

what you have said about your friend taking a break from your friendship, as I read it, he's not ending the friendship. He's just taking a step back to deal with his own problems so can't be there for you so don't take it as a rejection. He's telling you he's not ignoring you because his attention will be else where. And if that's all he would share then it's obviously a private matter. He might even be looking out for you by not sharing, so don't over think it. Sorry, and men don't do emotional very well.

I'll sign off now. it's 3 am in the UK. I'm here if you need to talk.

[JohnPB in reply to Hidden]

Hi Jeremiah29, I have some support from friends at church. I have difficulty establishing and maintaining close friendships. I am see a therapist once a week online.I am separated from my wife and have financial challenges.

Thanks for 2nd Timothy 1:7 that is one of my favorites.

I agree about social media. Most people in the breakroom where I work interact with their cell phone or some other electronic device instead of talking with others.

I am a stockperson now and have not gotten any hours for the past 3 weeks. I have two prospects. Putting out merchandise at a thrift store and in person customer relations at a Christian ministries visitor center.

I think my friend who is taking a break from our friendship has a lot on his plate from the demands of his job and some health issues. I agree many guys don't share how they are doing emotionally.

I have a brother who lives in Denmark. If your comfortable sharing, where do you live?

I just started working on filing my income taxes and owe around $4,000.000 and need to get out of the house and do some self care. I am going to take a bike ride. Exercising and being on some trails will help clear my mind and help with sleep tonight.

Good to hear you have good support.

Would like to keep in touch with you. Thanks for your support.

[Hidden]

Hi John,

I hope you are feeling well. I'm sorry to hear you've separated from your wife and all the other challenges you're dealing with. It's feels overwhelming. I'm glad you have support from your church. I hope it's a safe place where you can open up and not feel judged. When I had my breakdown I could only trust my church family. When I'm feeling terrible I can call on someone, they'll listen and then pray for me.

I, too, have problems with relationships. I keep people at arms length so that they don't find out that I'm stupid. I'm the least educated in my family. I have social anxiety but you wouldn't be able to tell when I'm at work because we have work in common but outside of work our differences set us apart. I've lead a sheltered life. I suffer from depression and anxiety, although it's been 2 years since my last bout of anxiety. I have felt suicidal once during my depression but I was prescribed meds for that. I have been very lucky that the meds was the right type and the right dose. I have read others have struggled with finding the right meds. I believe the Lord was watching over me.

Have I read it right, you are $4mil in debt? Sorry, am confused. Sorry if i seem to be asking lots of questions. It's my resolutions to myself to ask if i don't understand because I never use to because I was afraid I might be called stupid. Are those job prospects paid or voluntary? When you mention thrift store and christian ministry, usually these places rely on volunteers?

I live in England ,London. Will pray for you and your friend.

[JohnPB in reply to Hidden]

Hi Jeremiah29,

Thanks for the reply. I realized I did not respond to your question regarding organizing my room. It still looks like an explosion happened and scattered things all over. I am focusing on reducing what I have by throwing out things, selling and donating things so it will be easier to organize less things.

Fine with me if you ask many questions. It helps to clarify matters. I, too, have struggled with others thinking I might be stupid or a slower learner.

Thanks for the condolences regarding the situation of my separation with my wife and my other challenges. I am about $4,000.00 in debt for my 2020 federal taxes. I am going to get some professional tax help about paying it and getting the right amount of taxes withheld each month to avoid future year end tax debt. The thrift store and Christian ministry jobs are paid employment. I volunteer at the thrift store for a few hours each work, and the manager likes how I work and appreciates the customer service I provide. I might apply for a mental health peer worker position in California. Although I have a 2 year college degree it is not required.

I do not have anyone from my church that I connect with on a deeper level most of the time. I do have a friend who lives in another state who I connect with on a deeper level. We sound very similar in our relationship struggles. I used to think that people who have more education than I have were more credible than I am and that my opinion or ideas were trumped by theirs. Over the years, I came to realize that sometimes my opinion and ideas were better than some well-educated professionals. Wisdom comes from God and not having as much formal education as others does not make one unintelligent. I have known some folks with a high school education who would be great supervisors or managers if they had the opportunity. Bottom line: Being well-educated does not always equal credibility. I have encountered some well-educated people who lacked common sense and made bad decisions and acted inappropriately at times.

Good to hear your medication is working well for you and you can see God's hand in your life.

My mother is from England and came to live in the United States as a war bride at the end of World War II. She has a brother who lives in England.

Take care and look forward to hearing from you.

My nickname is Bicycle John. My pastor gave me the name to distinguish me from the other John at our church.