freewrite 3

[Starrlight]

To get through

This torment

I wish

I could tell you

About my darkest secret

…

Guys I feel like my soul is suffocating

Please send hope ❤️

[Dolphin14]

Soup

My free write

My friend you are not alone

I am here to support you

May your burden and pain be lifted soon

Sending love, support and the biggest hug

❤️🐬

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

Soup

I love your free write so

And I’ve tried to sleep and thought s as one of the worst things I could think up

I am trying to not be triggered and instead be glad they are not real

I just want to sleep

Thanks for your support, love and huge hug

Hug backatchya friend

Closing my eyes again

❤️⭐️

[Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight]

😴😴❤️

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

sleep will come soon if I believe 😴

❤️

[Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight]

m.youtube.com/watch?v=vR2lf...(Not working as expected?)

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

I’m going to play this over again until it works

[Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight]

That's the idea sweet friend. It worked for Herman

Night night Star

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

awwwwww I love hiiiiiiiiiim. It did get me to sleep too! And I slept long and hard. I am not well. Please send positive vibes.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

(((((Star)))))

[Starrlight in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Thank you ((((((LilyAnnepuppy)))))))

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Starrlight]

Hang in there, Honey. It’s always darkest before the dawn. That may be a trite saying but some of my best times in my life have been following a severe depression. ❤️

[Starrlight in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

That is hopeful. I love that. ❤️

[Dolphin14 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

This is so true. Her light is shining now trying to guide her through

❤️🐬

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

Thanks ladies. I am being guided and I will try my best…but I feel weakened by much guilt from grief and from addiction to work through.

[Nothing_but_books]

I'm late and I hope you've slept well and awakened to a better day.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Hey cutie. It’s not too good. How are you today?

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

Me too. Spectacularly not good hahaha. I came on our forum in lousy shape and promptly acted up. Upset a whole lot of nice folks who took a break to chill me out.

I made spiced prunes for a treat / med. (Still long overdue for a potty visit.)

Today's a new day. We can give it our best.

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

spectacularly is pretty crap😄…..you didn’t upset no one that’s not your m.o.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Sillysausage234]

💜💜💜

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Sillysausage234]

Still with the "crap" comments? I thought Dolphin cured you of that? 🤣

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

she’s got no shame that one

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Sillysausage234]

I was a dental assistant you know. We health care workers stick together.

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I thought you was a librarian

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Sillysausage234]

Ahh. In my dreams. That magical library in Beauty and the Beast appeals to me.

When I was a little girl, La Belle et la Bête was my favorite fairy tale.

I think she's more smitten with the books than the beast.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I’m glad you got some help to chill out. I talked to a friend and my therapist. I was better for a bit. Now I’m screwed up again. Really scared

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

I'm sorry my friend. Glad you're here reaching out. Sometimes life sucks. We gotta ride it out.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

yeah ride out the suckiness … trying to let myself feel and not distract with stuff that helps me not to feel

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

I know you feel scared, but you always inspire me with your bravery.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I love you ❤️ thank you so much ❤️and I think you are brave too ❤️I really do ❤️you’re a tough cookie ha! ❤️

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

A tough old sneaker green-cheek lady.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

haaaa!

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

and me

[Starrlight in reply to Sillysausage234]

🙃✨❤️✨🙃

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Sillysausage234]

Were you talking to me? I don't understand.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

oh ha I responded but I think he was talking to you, I confused myself

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

haha I'm still confused, he's too deep for me. Our Zen master. A man of very few words.

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

To shines bright 🌟

[Starrlight in reply to Sillysausage234]

✨❤️✨thank you 🙃

[Starrlight in reply to Sillysausage234]

I like my name… I think yours is Eats Well because on gratefulness posts you always made me hungry

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

You never upset anyone we love you so

[gerrerd]

Let go of the secret. it does not matter, it only matters to you. Let it go. and be free.

[Starrlight in reply to gerrerd]

I figured it out. Thank you. ((((((((((Hug))))))))))

[primrose81]

Dear Starr please take care of yourself. You have been through so much and you need to grieve without beating yourself up, you couldn’t have done more for your dear mum. Sending lots of virtual hugs Xxx

[Starrlight in reply to primrose81]

you’re right that’s what my therapist said too that I have been through so much and she wants me to release with art…and a friend said to not ‘should’ myself to be better or stronger I’m ok being where I am and it’s ok to not get chores done it’s ok to rest and feel anything and just be me.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

Your friend's advice is so kind and wise. Do let yourself grieve and be where you are.

Your secret is yours to keep or share. You know what you need to heal; trust yourself.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

My friend is an addiction counselor. He’s been through a lot in life. He’s learned a lot along the way and shared it. He had someone very close to him die right before my mom died. He says he finds he feels a lot of guilt when he grieves. Same here. Its good to know it’s part of grieving. It’s also good to have you friends on here like you to lean on you are with such compassion and wisdom❤️

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

The guilt is a large part of grief for me too. I understand.

I don't know about wisdom. 😜 🤪

But I'm here and I care.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Well weather you call it wisdom or something else I think you are wise and caring yes and I am happy we are able to comfort each other a lot.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

I am too.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

😄

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I was so scared earlier and I was having trouble breathing. My therapist told me to look for a sign from souls and angels out there to remind me they are with me. I got a sign I asked for it as I was opening a drawing book and out popped a poem reminding of God and that we are beautifully made right now and shortly after I read it could breathe better and relax a little.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

Your therapist sounds amazing. I'm glad you found your poem waiting there.

I'm much more of a skeptic concerning spiritual messages, but some things make it through even my thick head. My house has gone to weeds since I'm too crippled to tend it. Ugly and depressing everywhere. The faucet attachment in the back yard leaks drip, drip, drip. (Sorry SS.)

But all the ugliness birthed a miracle: grape vines growing up through the broken concrete. Grape vines! Momma took me to pick wild grape leaves all through my childhood. The memories bring back family meals, stuffed vine leaves, pastries...

Even a skeptic like me can dream dreams.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I am pretty sceptical these days too. I used to believe in spiritual things more than I can now.

The grape vines -wow-making it through the concrete to be there for your heart and soul is beautiful. It’s so beautiful, you and your mom collecting grape leaves together ❤️❤️ and those other memories 😊✨⭐️✨so special

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

I can smell the lemons!!! 💜

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

✨❤️✨

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

🌻🌸🌼💜

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

youtube.com/watch?v=xVOJla2...(Not working as expected?)

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Wise… ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨magical

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

Uh-huh. 😊😊

🦉😊

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

😄

[SayNOtoPanic in reply to Nothing_but_books]

🙏🏻😩🥹Beautiful! The grapevines! Thanks for sharing

[Nothing_but_books in reply to SayNOtoPanic]

You're welcome. It was nice sharing it.

[SayNOtoPanic]

Starrlight, be kind to yourself. You are sitting with grief. A strong and justified one. Your mama, your Angel. Stop, take a deep breath and release. Meditate before bedtime and if ur mind wonders to a trigger or fear or negative replace it immediately with a positive thought about ur mama, about ur family, about anything that is joy for you. 🙏🏻In my prayers. XO

[Starrlight in reply to SayNOtoPanic]

I needed that… the deep breath. Off to meditate … I’m grateful for you ❤️

[SayNOtoPanic in reply to Starrlight]

You got this 💪🏻🙌🏻you are STRONG!!

[Nothing_but_books in reply to SayNOtoPanic]

So beautiful.

[Starrlight in reply to SayNOtoPanic]

I did what you suggested with thinking positive of my mom. I miss her although I think she’s with me in a way.

[SayNOtoPanic in reply to Starrlight]

She is with you!! 😩🥹

[Starrlight in reply to SayNOtoPanic]

Thank you yes I do believe in that 😀

[Mrspjsmom]

Sending hope and positive energy. When you are ready I will listen without judgment and remind you how important you are.

[Starrlight in reply to Mrspjsmom]

Thank you so! I think your hope and positive energy got to me a bit. But I am in bed where I have been for majority of the time lately. I think I’m depressed. Right now I’m listening to Coco snore a sweet cute snore 😴

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Starrlight]

Sometimes a day in bed or in my case on the couch is a day well spent. Oliver has turned one of my couch cushions into a cat bed. And Molly comes running if I move.

Oliver's cat bed

[Starrlight in reply to Mrspjsmom]

Awwwwww nice I love Oliver and Molly

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Starrlight]

They are characters. For Valentines Day Molly got some peanut butter treats and a new collar that's reflective. Oliver got some catnip toys. The shelter my daughter in law works at did Meow boxes as a fundraiser. I got a cute cat picture and Oliver got a bunch of stuff. But he doesn't like cat treats so they will go to my best friend's cats.

Valentines box

[Starrlight in reply to Mrspjsmom]

Really cute 🥰

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Starrlight]

My daughter in law made all the boxes. They were adorable. I bought one, my daughter bought one and my friend bought two.

This was the inside