The Past Was Once the Present

[alat]

Whenever I remember the past, it seems to had been so much happier than the present, although I was just as anxious as I am today. I mean, some of those memories are as recent as three or four months ago.

Such mindset is infuriating and guilt-inducing as I know that the days I am wasting today in anxiety will be a good memory, so why don't I just enjoy them? Worrying about the present, fearing the future, and adoring the past; it's all overrated and arduous.

I am getting used to my anxiety, which is still odd to me: is it a good thing or a bad thing? Will getting used to it prevent me from trying to change it? It still feels awful, but I am expecting it more often now. Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts, all of them worrying and strange, going through my mind a lot of late.

I don't even understand some of them and others are just completely irrelevant to current circumstance and do not apply to me. Trying to find calm and solace in material possessions, although it is destroying the balance of my financial stability!

However, I've had an appetite for writing, but I keep having these blocks that are preventing me from writing whenever I feel like it, which is strange as I thought the appetite cancels the block, apparently it doesn't.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

I say getting used to it can be kind of a good thing. Because anxiety is going to be with you for the rest of your life. You just go into remission. But getting used to it means that you will eventually learn better coping skills for it. And because of those coping skills it allows you to lead a more fruitful life. Cuz like I said anxiety is going to be with you always. But when anxiety pops up, you don't have to be afraid of it. You can be like oh I remember you, I got this. I can handle you. And be on about your day.

Nostalgia is a really difficult thing. Memories of the past where you were living life. Yeah they can hurt. I know they do with me. I was going somewhere in life before my fall. There's no point and worrying about the future because it hasn't arrived yet. We don't know where we're going to be in 5 years, 10 years and so on and so forth. What we should be focused on is the present. And learning how to control these ruminating thoughts. Learning how to let go of these thoughts. Let them float on. It is a difficult skill to master. I know cuz I still fight with it daily. Like for me I did not have a good day today. And anxiety attack today. And right now I'm just tired. I'm not even thinking about tomorrow and how's it going to be. And maybe that's a sign that I am progressing with my anxiety despite the fact I did have an anxiety attack today. However I recovered and calm down. So maybe I am improving. And maybe so are you.