A struggle from the start.

[Lost59]

I am 60 this year. I was repeatedly sexually abused as a small boy. I was alcoholic by age 14 and spent 33 years as a functional active alcoholic. Always worked hard but I have nothing to show for it. I stopped drinking on the 20th of May 2009, so I regard myself as being recovered - for today. My life has been a disastrous shambles from the start. I have an eight year old daughter and a beautiful wife. But I am unemployed, unqualified and broke. I am a good man. But I despise and hate myself for the mess I have made of my life. Never been so low. I cannot see a way forward. I need to share with people who understand. I am so sorry and so sad.

[Hidden]

My dad’s story almost but he has interest in Sports Darts or Snooker etc and has turned to God for help. His health is not good due to drinking and has heart problems but he eats a lot of fruits and likes cold milk fresh. We have him on vegetarian diet but occasionally he will sneak in meat. Medicine has helped him and attitude 73 yrs old but all life almost alcoholic

[Crochetchica]

Hi. So sorry to read your story. Please, please don’t hate and despise yourself as what happened to you was out of your control. Have you had any counselling or therapy? Sending you a hug.

[betterwithknowledge]

My dear, you have so much: a beautiful family and you've made it this far to 60! Congratulations, be proud you are alive. Your past is gone, behind you. You have this moment forward to be the person you want to be. The terrible bio chemical brain imbalance is your worst enemy. If you can outsmart yourself into believing your brain is suffering, then you will be able to tell yourself the truth: that you are a beautiful human, an awesome man and worth every breath. It's just the brain imbalance making you think you are worthless. But this is a lie. Many people are without a job, but that doesn't make you invaluable or unworthy. You are worthy of being hired anywhere. Believe in yourself. God loves you and so do I. We are all in this together. You are not alone.

[Ryanlion in reply to betterwithknowledge]

Very well said betterwithknowledge

[LilyAnnepuppy]

I identify. But with professional help, meds and support group I get the help I need.

[Ryanlion]

Dont you realise how remarkable you are! You havent made a mess of your life, you have succeeded in spite of your tragic childhood experience. You have managed to create a family and beat addiction to alcohol one day at a time. Anyone would turn to alcohol to survive after childhood sexual abuse, it helped you survive all those years but unfortunately it then gets a grip on you. I am sure you know it is a disease. Believe me i too suffered abuse as a child and at 62 i am full of sadness for all i lost because of it. Having no job and being broke is not what matters in life. My dear Mum died a year ago and i would give everything i have, to have her back again. Cherish your family, you are fortunate to have them ( i didnt get to). Do not compare yourself or your life to others, just see how far youve come. We dont all get a happy carefree childhood do we,so we did the best we could, you are very resilient Its Ok to be sad or grieve for what might have been, its perfectly normal. Give yourself a medal and have gratitude because you have succeeded, thousands dont. If you need to feel useful, try volunteer work, you never know where it might lead. Be the best husband and Father to your beautiful girl because at the end of the day, its LOVE that really matters.

[catsrock]

I'm also 60 this year - go 1963 babies! I'm sorry you are so sad right now and hope you find a way to feel better. Medication, therapy, tapping, and being kind to myself is what has helped me. Depression is playing mind tricks on you and making you think that you don't have a way forward. Please hang in there and keep coming here to share.

[jleechis1]

I'm 69. I have had 4 MDDs since 1973. Also in AA. You can talk to me anytime.

[Tonyhope]

Get up off your ass lol Don't give up. Live life do it for yourself, wife an daughter