Idk, I just need to vent, if anyone could give me healing advice I would love to receive them

[AliGreen]

This is really personal to me. I was sexually assaulted recently and it has made me relapse terribly back into depression. I was doing SO WELL until it happened, I was finally happy and then it happened and I felt like I lost so much. I'm so ANGRY because I refuse to give him that power over me. To say I'm sad because of him, to say I don't like myself or even looking at myself because of him, to say I want to die all because of that fucker yet I'm struggling to find my will.

I was fully aware of my body, of my heart beating, just feeling alive. I had managed to mute the negative thoughts in my mind and make it a place I adored and now it's filled of nothing but the memories of what happened and HIM. I hate my mind now, I hate me. And I have to constantly reassure myself it's fine to be upset yet I feel overdramatic. I feel like everyone around me expected that I just shrug it off and get back on my feet and move on like nothing happened. It can't be that simple!

I can't feel my body and I can't use my mind to escape. I can't confide in others, they just say the same thing over and over again which always equate to nothing. I love them and treasure them but I know they can't help me with this. No one can, and I was never one to ask for help but I really need it. Just the people around me cant give it.

I literally fear men, I fear men who LOOK like him. I was able to see my future, my happiness, my future relationships and goals and now I see nothing. I'm so angry and I hate it, it isn't me but I just want to cry and scream

[SayNOtoPanic]

Lifting you in healing prayers. You are so courageous to write and share. Take heart in your courage. So sorry you went through this. Don’t let it define you. 🙏🏻

[SCC1]

I am sorry you have to deal w/ this. In the case of having everything going well for you, then suddenly not, has to be a very hard thing to digest.

But you will get back to that good place again, in time. You have just been through a horrible situation. Give yourself time to heal.

And you are NOT being overdramatic. Whatever you are feeling/thinking, is valid. To those who have pretty much said get over it, how would they feel if this happened to them? It sounds like they are not acknowledging your feelings.

I don't know what to say about the situation you went through, but want you to know, you have a great support system right here.

If you do need more help, you could try going to a therapist. I believe there are ones that deal specifically w/ sexual assault.

I give my best wishes for you to heal. Take care of yourself.

xx