Trying to move on and find purpose.

[Cherylad25]

Hi, I'm new to this group. Suffering from depression for over 30 years. My husband is ending our 32 year marriage, my son is falling apart and quit speaking to me, and my treatments of therapy and medicine isn't working. I don't want to go on.

[Hidden]

I know its very difficult ma'am, I have PTSD and anxiety and there are some days that I don't even want to get out of bed, I've been in and out of help, in and out of the hospital and in and out of the crisis center, nothing seems to help, but one of my favorite quotes is "you're allowed to scream, you're allowed to cry but do not give up." I know that, that's easier said than done, but you got to keep fighting.

As much as we love our family, sometimes its hard for them to understand what we're going through, and we tend to push them away by mistake. I don't know if that's the same case for you, but that's happened to my family members and I.

I've been in this community for a short time, and everyone is pretty nice and supportive.

[Cherylad25 in reply to Hidden]

In reality, my marriage ending is probably God finality pulling me out. I'm married to a narcissist that has cheated on me throughout our entire marriage. My son flipped when he found out about our divorce. I was an adult when it happened to my parents and it was ugly too. I love my family more than anything and stick thru all the affairs and emotional abuse because I wanted it so badly. I regret it now because I'm older, can't find permanent work with benefits, and scared of being alone. I should have left years ago when I had more confidence. The pain inside is awful as you know. I just want it to end.

[Hidden in reply to Cherylad25]

I've had PTSD/anxiety for a year now, currently going through grief as well since I just lost my only support system at home. Having PTSD/anxiety as really messed up my relationship with my family members, sometimes it isn't that bad but then other times, its just I don't know how much more I can take. Being Type 1 Diabetic as well, doesn't mix well with PTSD/anxiety either. I've just started CR not too long ago, I still don't think its helping, but I'm still trying,

What you're going through sounds pretty difficult as well ma'am.

[Lazy_dog_lover]

That all is quite a challenge to be facing. I am curious what you have tried and how many medications you have tried. I also have dealt with depression for about 30 years and anxiety for about 10. For medications, it is trial and error until you find one that helps with relief. If you have bad side effects, they happen quickly. For positive results, it takes several weeks to months for any effects.

For therapy, I did not find CBT very useful when I was just starting. I needed to do a lot of introspection and inner child work before I saw any improvement. I also had to find the right person to work with. I needed to give up playing a victim. As little complaining as I could do was key and as little dwelling in past struggles as possible.

Training myself how to see different perspectives of my challenges has only recently been part of my therapy. This has really helped. Guided imagery/hypnotherapy has helped me relax. Progressive muscle relaxation is awesome for full body relaxation. The mind/body connection is amazing. I have learned a ton about sleep habits' roles.

Most of my progress has been trying new therapies in the last 3 years. It started after a major car accident that has disabled me and might cost me my foot. There is so little we know about the mind. Keep trying.

[Cherylad25 in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

Thanks for your suggestions. I had a DNA test done and I only 3 antidepressants came up for working on me. It's been a rough road but I try to push thru daily. Therapy hasn't been that great, in going to try a bit longer in that. I'm sorry about your accident.

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Cherylad25]

When I look at info on DNA testing, here is what I found from Harvard Medical. It sounds like they are a guide. If you are not working on your beliefs and making changes to the way you perceive your world, the medications will be less effective.

Genes determine some of our risk for depression and some of our response to treatment. However, no single gene or small number of genes determines much of either in the general population. And the few genes used in the current commercial test panels do not appear to be the key genes determining risk or response. Some of the genes tested are related to drug metabolism. These genes can affect drug levels in the blood, but generally don’t predict clinical response. Other factors, including age, diet, hormonal state, gut bacteria, and any other concurrently taken drugs, are far more important in determining how a person metabolizes a drug and responds to treatment.