Advances

[dianaluz45781073]

I feel that depression has changed my personality, I used to be a person with a strong character, now I feel vulnerable. I want to continue with my dreams. An arm of affection.

[Fergus-girl]

I too feel that depression has changed my personality. I used to be very outgoing and fun. Ever since lots of my people have died or gone away, I feel sad, depressed and think what is the use of going on. I even left my husband of 25 years because I felt like I was dying. We still see each other and he is trying to understand. I appreciate that. However, I can’t shake this feeling of hopelessness. My counselor helps me and friends are a big help also. Don’t give me hope that your depression is all there is. Contact me if you want to.

[Elizabeth830 in reply to Fergus-girl]

I am new to this website and noticed your post. I have been married for 29 years and feel my marriage is coming to an end. I had TMS treatments last year and the only result is that I want to be more social but lack the skills to make friends. You said your friends are a lot of help. Over the years, I grew apart from any friends that I had and am having a hard time making new ones (now that I feel like I want friends again). I feel like I am the one always listening and offering support and it is not being reciprocated. This has led to new feelings of being rejected...I haven't put myself in that position in decades. I have been depressed for 25 years. I guess I can't expect things to change overnight.

[Fergus-girl in reply to Elizabeth830]

so glad to hear your story. My ex isolated me and hated all my friends and said I could not see them. However, I have one friend that I kept my ongoing relationship secret and she is a big help. Although I have to say that all the people who encouraged me to leave him have been a disappointment to me. I thought they would be more supportive, but I realize I need to rely on myself. Finding connections is very hard. My ex was emotionally abuse to me for years and not very supportive. Then the physical started and I said no more. I would enjoy keeping in touch with me and help you if I can and vice versa. Leaving is hard. I tried several times but always went back. Life is hard. Keep in touch. 😊

[Elizabeth830 in reply to Fergus-girl]

Leaving is very hard especially when your mother keeps pointing out all his positives and ignores all the negatives that I share with her. I don't know which is worse her or him. He has a female friend that I am not crazy about. They talk sometimes for over a hour and multiple times per week. We had a big blow up around the holidays and I really considered divorce. He said he wouldn't talk to her so much. So we had a rule, if I ask if he talked to her, he had to be honest and then I wouldn't get upset. Tonight I asked, has she called you lately? He thought for a second and said no. I then asked have you called her lately? and he said yes, yesterday. Now he is playing the word game with me. If someone asked me if I had called/talked to someone, I wouldn't play the word game. I would just say yes, I talked to them. This makes me question his honesty. He then tried to prove to me that he wasn't talking to her much on his cell phone, but I am smarter than he is...I said log into AT&T and show me the phone log, don't just show your call history on your phone, that stuff can be deleted. He always claimed they are just friends but I don't like it and I don't like her. And...she is 10 years older than him, knows he is married and knows exactly how I feel...and they are going away on a group trip in a few weeks. Kind of hard not to be depressed...

[Fergus-girl in reply to Elizabeth830]

it hurts when others don’t understand, especially close people. I got so much advice but in the end, you need to decide what it best for you. No one sees what is actually going on in a relationship, even the person you are having the relationship with. A person needs to be careful how much information is given out because it can come back to haunt you. Are you seeing a therapist? It took me years to find the right person. I knew he was the right one because the first thing out of his mouth was not “you need to leave him.” Keep communicating with me because it will help both of us.

[Darkhouse]

I agree. Although my depression has always been a part of me, in the last few years, it's been very bad, like it was when I was young (high school'ish). I've been married for 20 years to an amazingly happy person who I feel does love me very much. But I don't think he's felt depressed a day in his life, let alone month after month. Last year I went an entire month without bathing, I'm embarrassed to admit. That's how out of touch I was. I'm still experiencing frequent crying spells and anger outbursts, things I never did early on in our relationship. I don't want him to stop loving me, but at the same time, I don't understand how a normal person could love me w the mood swings and behavior issues. I'll get mad at him, yell at him, then cry hysterically for hours, not because I'm mad, but because I feel guilty and ashamed...and all he sees is a crazy person. He's a sensitive soul, and I can have an incredibly sharp tongue. I don't even realize the words that are coming out a lot of the time, I liken it to when people say they see red... I do it w my words rather than my fists. Then I collapse in a fit of self-loathing while he simmers, sometimes for a day or 2, when I really need him to come to me and tell me it's OK. But what I say to him initially isn't. I need to stop, but don't know how. I've loved this man my entire adult life. He's gentle and kind, and he deserves better. He just doesn't understand mental illness.... I miss the happy-go-lucky me that didn't sweat the small stuff. Depression has robbed me of that existence...