Please allow me to introduce you to my twisted psychology, and apologize in advance for it.

[Skydreamer42]

I feel incompetent and inadequate far too much of the time. Why? Because I consistently got contradicting messages about who I was. I frequently got called smarter than others, and at the same time, called incapable of taking care of myself. No effort was taken to educate me on how to take care of myself, in fact the opposite, when I wanted to try something new, or learn something practical, I was discouraged and ridiculed by my parents. No wonder I've had a tough time surviving. I'm still here, but I am still frustrated that I never feel like enough, for myself or others, that my damage is unattractive. I'm frustrated that I don't feel at ease socially because in my mind, there is always pressure to be appeasing to others, and not bring discomfort to their lives. I frequently feel unimportant because of this, and frequently I do not have the energy to feign being well adjusted.

[GreyeyesXander]

Maybe you should found out who you are as a person, society never mattered to me, im going to die someday so i refuse to waist time pleasing or going out my way for people

[hypercat54]

Hi I can relate to that in many was as I too got this growing up. Oh not the smart bit but the inadequate bit and my mother slagged me off unmercifully. Like many with depression I became a 'people pleaser' and didn't think my feelings and emotions were important. I have since learnt to be more self aware and look after my emotional well being a lot better.

I wonder if you are victim of Childhood Emotional Neglect? This is where your feelings as a child were never validated and not responded to appropriately. If you think you are I am happy for you to pm me and I can give you more info and links. x

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to hypercat54]

I do agree that learning about neglect helps. I would gladly accept some links from you Hyper.

[hypercat54 in reply to Orangeblossom85]

Will pm you OB x

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you !!

[Krn210 in reply to hypercat54]

I would also like the links please.

[Wislaw in reply to hypercat54]

I would also like the links, please!

[hypercat54 in reply to Wislaw]

Sent you a pm with the links. x

[Estherblue in reply to hypercat54]

I would like the links pls

[Orangeblossom85]

This sound so much like me. I never know what to think about myself. I don’t know who I’m. My mum is so easy to change her mind, one day black is white, the other black is black again, and then wow black is yellow. You never know what to expect.

My father on the other hand accept no disagreement. He often calls us childish or incompetent but the next sentence starts from how much we value.

It’s a constant mix. Very tiring, very stressful.

[Mehditate in reply to Orangeblossom85]

I think you may be a victim of parents with NPD. Please look up Codependency symptoms and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I share the same feelings as you and your parents sound a lot like mine. I am not sure if you may be the same case, but it is something you might want to look into just in case. All My Best

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Mehditate]

I’m sure that boyfriend had npd. I always thought about my mum as histrionic. I’ll check again, maybe it’s this. Do you know how to heal after being so very tangled with npd.

[Mehditate in reply to Orangeblossom85]

Yes, I do. I am currently doing it. Let me know if you need some advice.

[hypercat54]

Oh dear my mum was exactly the same. She would say one thing then next day she would say something completely contrary. I would do one thing and that would be wrong, then I would do the opposite and that would be incorrect too. It's very confusing isn't it? Mixed messages just leave you confused and bewildered and not knowing even what day of the week it was. x

[Mehditate]

Did you ever look into if your parents have NPD and if you may be a codependent?

[hypercat54 in reply to Mehditate]

Me? Yes I did but am still not sure as my mother had other elements to her behaviour as well.

There is lots of info about this and other personality types on psychcentral.com/ x

[aaronm]

We are very similar in this way but I was always the one who was less than in everything compared to my brother. My dad still tries to put me down and remind me how my brother is better in every way.

[JEG325]

SD42, I've seen you around recently. Maybe you would like to join my small chatlines here on this site? We only have 9 to 14 people per group. The people are nice and they are all understanding. It's easy to join. Just say yes and I'll add your username to Circle Of Friends 4. It will be several days before it launches. But, personally, I think you would benefit greatly. The chatlines are open 24/7, free to join, access and use. We'd like to have you and we can probably help. Of course, it's completely up to you. Let me know....You can also talk to me personally anytime you want. Have a blessed day, my friend!

[Wislaw]

Skydreamer42, my story (history) is exactly like yours, and my struggles are very similar to yours. So please know you are not alone.