Hello everyone on here. Hope everyone’s had a good holiday. I myself have been struggling during these holidays. My brother passed a year this coming January and he would’ve turned 59 this December. And on top of that my daughters attitude has been unreal. She’s 11 and I guess she’s going through her hormone changes, but she changes her demeanor quickly. She screams and yells at me, it’s almost like I don’t recognize her. And adding that to my emotional state, and I tell you it’s freakin hard. I really want to concentrate on my well being and focus on things I need to do to feel better. I’m home with her now and I’m also sick with the flu. Anyways I’m wishing everyone a happy and safe New Year. SAMSON
Depressive episode and hormonal daughter - Anxiety and Depre...
Depressive episode and hormonal daughter
That is such a tough time you’re going through, this will get better but no defining line when can be be drawn. You need to develop coping strategies - a lot easier to say than do. I’ve been there where you currently are and never believed anyone who said those words to me (she’s now 24 and making a life for herself and we get on. )
Has this by chance come about since the passing of your brother? Could this be some hormonal some grief, that you are feeling sick both grieving and both wanting attention/peace. Maybe ask her if you can have a hug, or say in passing to her “do you ever have times when you feel you need a hug?” Open up communication lines so she feels she’s helping you rather than feeling you’re telling her to do something
My husband once stopped my daughter in her tracks once, during a screaming tantrum - he walked in and said “have you finished?” She screamed again to which he he said, “ I guess not!” He walked out and seconds later she stopped, then came in to us, tears, snot, hair all over the place. He said would she like a tissue to which she nodded, cleaned up then laughed 🤷♀️
she probably feels like you but they don’t know how to express it - if you’re in bed with flu (tell her once you feel better you can get closer but you don’t want her getting the flu, ask her - “is that ok with her ?” Likely she’ll say yes because of the way you voiced how her opinion mattered to you ( then you get some you time
When you are better maybe strike up a conversation where you ask can you tell her something, maybe say you really miss your brother, she may tell you how she feels
I’m a sentimental person, when lost loved ones get to an anniversary I plant bulbs or plants in pots and that becomes the memory of them pot each year it comes back - maybe do that together for your brother/her uncle
It is very very hard when you don’t feel well, feel sad and exhausted and got at by youngsters to flip the coin and some days you just won’t be able to and that’s ok too
Hope you feel better soon and things improve soon too here’s a sunflower 🌻 to brighten your day
Firstly, allow me to say, I am sorry for your loss. I too lost my brother when he was 59, to me though it was no great loss, he was not a nice guy - I have written about him on this forum. But he was my brother! And although I will never see him again, this is the natural order of life, and he is resting in peace.
I had 2 daughters then along came one son. The daughters are as different as chalk and cheese, especially when they went through puberty. In fact it was a nightmare. I believe most mums experience rebellious daughters, it is part and parcel of growing up. Rebellious daughters try hard to push the boundary lines and take control, leaving parents weak and frustrated. May I suggest you try to take control back, being loving but very firm with your daughter - be assured - SHE WILL COME BACK TO YOU! when she has had her bit of rebellion. Daughters do, whereas boys are so different. I was taught a little 'ditty' that goes, 'A son is a son, till he gets him a wife, but a daughters' a daughter for all of her life.' Bear these words in mind, what your daughter is doing is temporary. It is your reaction and coping method that will see her through. You don't say if you are a single parent, which I understand can be very hard. Although my daughters' and I are very close now, there were times when we weren't. However my daughters married brothers, and both brothers deserted my girls and their girls, times were very difficult, but we all got through by supporting each other - you will too!
At this stage I would also suggest that regardless of what is going on around you, you take back your healing process and concentrate on yourself. By becoming stronger you will cope much better. Love is the key to many problems and loving yourself is vital to your survival. Please do keep in touch on here, many of us have had experience and are wanting to be of help to you. Wishing you a very happy New Year, and it will be a time of great joy - if you allow it be. As a footnote, does any of your daughters' behaviour have anything to do with the loss of your brother, or not having a father figure around? Grief and loss are the most common reasons for disharmony. Maybe your daughter needs to see a counsellor or facilitator to talk to. If this is a possibility but maybe not financially viable, do seek out an Episcopalian or Anglican minister (depending where you are in the world) who will be able to point you in the right direction
Thank you so much for your support! I’m a divorced father, been separated since 2014 and divorced in 2014. I’m currently single but looking to find a woman with a good heart and soul. SAMSON
Hi Samson, I apologise! I should not have jumped to the conclusion that you may have been a single female parent. I could use the excuse - I'm human - but there is no excuse for me to assume - I've been round the block too many times as a qualified Anglican counsellor. That said, I mentioned about your daughter's behaviour problems stemming from the loss of your brother or not having a father figure around, it is clear now she has a very good father figure around, one who certainly cares enough to come onto an open forum such as this to seek help. Without wishing to patronize, well done. Is it in this instant a possibility your daughter may be grieving her mum, especially if they don't get together often, or if they do get together, perhaps there is a bit of jealousy over a new family set up!?! This can and does happen frequently - in my experience. If you feel this is the case then my offer to help find someone to talk with is open. I am usually able to find help around the globe in necessary.
I do hope you will give some serious thought to taking back control of your own healing process, it is vital you feel on top of all that is happening, and may also be helpful as you seek a woman with a good heart, there are many around, it is just finding the right one for you - and vice versa. I wish you well with that, and with your permission I will keep you in prayer - I ask permission because not everyone is open to prayer.
May I ask where you are situated in the world? I extend my best wishes for you, your daughter and that 'certain someone' when you find her, a very happy and blessed 2023.
Much love from UK. x