crawling out of my skin

[Wannabehappy]

I've been in bed now for over a year. I can't face life, the world or the people in it. I have no support system. It's just me and I live in my head. I lay in bed just squirming because my muscles hurt and I don't know how to get out of the frustration. It's like a kid throwing a temper tantrum. I'm not screaming but I'm stretching and screaming inside. I just wish I wouldn't wake up in the morning. I pray to god to let me die in my sleep and take me away from this torture. I'm scared. I just want to feel better but I see no light. I can't kill myself because I believe that's not what god wants me to do. Help!!! I'm so broke and almost homeless.

[Agora1]

Wannabehappy, your body is screaming inside because our muscles were meant

to be moved. Staying in bed allows the muscles to atophy. What you fear is not

really outside but within your mind.

I spent 5 years in an Agoraphobic state of mind. I wouldn't even poke my head out

to get the mail. What was it I feared? I didn't know. I wouldn't answer the doorbell,

the phone or a knock at the door. I quivered in fear and yet had no idea why.

At the beginning I felt safe at home. I felt I could stay like that forever, never having

to go out again. After 5 years, that notion becomes stale . Humans weren't meant to

live in a cage (their homes). Life is outside those 4 walls. We need human contact.

With therapy, I slowly worked on my fears and taking baby steps, I was able to tear

down the walls I built around me.

I wish you well, this is not living but just existing. xx

[Afibflipper]

Hi there Wannabehappy

This letter is long but it’s a long journey you have come, a long journey to go, but read it and take it bit by bit, and see what I see in you

I’m so sorry you are so low, but, see this what I’m seeing in you now - POSITIVITY

You have posted & listed a lot of things you have seen in yourself already over this year in bed. I see that, yes you have a past, one that has severely affected you!

I recognise you have not yet realised you still have fight in you, - positive - you have survived yet another year! That shows you aren’t ready to give up on yourself! - positive

You have noted that you are broke, almost homeless, you fight to sleep, you want to be taken away from this torture.

All positives in that you have a drive within you you have seen what you need to change because you Wannabehappy - yes you do because you chose that name for you - it shows you have desire

You are safe currently in your bed, in your home - positive - look at your name Wannabehappy - positive request to self.

So, that’s the bigger picture on your wall and you have hope in you. You have fight in you with that screaming within. Use that pain, that fight to exercise those demons and get what you want.

Having done all that today - wow - that is hard work but, don’t stop there! One step one punch at a time! You have to stop torturing yourself, that’s who’s scaring you! Step out of your past into Hope street where you have your safe roof over your bed and food and water that kep you you going this past year! Just pick those thing to work with right now, how you can keep those! Get advice from local or National helplines (use your internet which has got you on here! Also some professional therapy.

When you begin to walk in your lead boots, your lead overcoat it’s so hard but as you left those weights your muscles will grow and as the load gets lighter you can lift more and throw more junk off and say, I I did one day - I was so sick of the demons that took all those years from me - enough - that’s it -no more. Sure you’ll fall over a lot in the beginning and towards the top of the mountain you’ll tumble and bruise. You cry, you scream and then you take your hand and pull up and go again, and again until you free yourself from your bed, from your torture chains and scream - Yes look what I did look where I am …..

So, come on - I hope I took your hand a little today and and wore you out to get a little sleep so you can start this road journey with that fighting spirit that is in there - you are not alone, here is a hug 🤗 some strong 💪 courage and good luck one your way xx

[Wannabehappy in reply to Afibflipper]

Thank you. Everything you said I took to heart. I needed those words. I will keep trying. I don't want to die. I believe in god and know he or she is with me and carries me when I need it. Living hurts but i truly don't want to die.

[Afibflipper in reply to Wannabehappy]

I am so glad for you, that is brilliant - you said those POSITIVE words yourself to yourself

I WILL. I DON’T. I BELIEVE then my goodness your last powerful message to your self

“Living hurts but I truly don’t want to die.”

I’m so glad you did this for you, you say your god carries you, - but your god also allowed you to peer inside yourself as he held you up, you looked and found what tools you needed for today - BE PROUD - TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY! (Try tomorrow to aim to sit outside the bed while your god helps you find and search for another positive tool for another safe day, in your safe home that you want to keep - you are the one doing this - for you, you have seen you’re worth it.

Try writing your positive words down, put them where you see them every time you first open your eyes from your bed - positivity is good food for the brain - VERY WELL DONE 🙏💪 Tomorrow is another day - the weather will change, day light comes and goes - you can’t change that but you can change your mindset - I’m a photographer and we have a part of the day we call ‘the golden hour’ which is when the most beautiful golden glow lights up every colour making it so much more intense & vivid just before the last of that days sunshine disappears at sunset - today you saw your golden hour - don’t miss anymore golden hours

Hug. 🤗 strong 💪 love ❤️ yourself clap 👏 yourself

You’ve got this - in your hands 🙌 x

Don’t forget to get the professionals on board for support and treatment

[Afibflipper in reply to Wannabehappy]

hi Wannabehappy, hope you had a good positive day today - don’t despair if not, tomorrow is another day, give it your all - you CAN do it 💪🙏

[Arymretep]

I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to say, except there is a reason you are here, you can do this, 😘x

[AngelEyes2218]

Reach out. Please. Im here for ya if you need a great listener. I've been told I am a great listener. When I was growing up, people came to me for everything.

[maddypaddy69]

We are here for you, share how you feel and we can offer support and love.

[Afibflipper]

From all you’ve said, you put your strength in your god, I thought this was to help you on your continuing journey

Footprints in the sand

One night a man had a dream

He walked along a beach, the Lord at his side.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.

He saw two sets of footprints in the sand, his own and those of the Lord.

But looking back he noticed at times along the path, there was only one set of footprints.

This was often at difficult times of his life

He asked, "My Lord, you said that if I follow you, you would walk with me all the way.

But in times of trouble there is only one set of footprints. 'Why have you left me alone when

I needed you the most?"

The Lord answered, "My precious child,

I love you and I would never leave you.

During your times of trial,

when you see only one set of footprints, that's when I was carrying you! 🙏💪

[Wannabehappy in reply to Afibflipper]

I know that... I imagine him carrying me a lot when I can't fall asleep. Tonight he was holding me and telling me that everything is going to be okay. I know he's with me and won't let me fail.

[Dolphin14]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm sending you positive vibes and hoping things get better for you, one day at a time

🐬