So yesterday I made a post about how I was having a rough day and felt like shit but new that I would be feeling better tomorrow and made a little rant about what is currently worrying me and saying how it's just worries and probably not true. Well...
I was still feeling rough today but I was babysitting my niece and nephew all day so I knew I would be busy all day and would'nt feel it much. Well I did but that's whatever because after a long day I get home and one of my really close friends has removed me and blocked me on everything: Discord, Steam, Whatsapp etc.
When I had my breakdown I confided in person "A" who I had known for 2 years both online and in person and they really supported me, I spent a lot of time with them when I couldn't really communicate with anyone else and they helped me a lot. After about two months I admitted that I was afraid that I had starting to develop feelings for this person and I worded it like this because I really didn't want to. Our lifestyles weren't compatible and we wouldn't have made a good couple and they had supported me through a crisis so it is very possible that these feelings were illusory. They then also admitted that they were developing feelings for me and said "what if it isn't a bad idea" but agreed that we shouldn't enter a relationship for the same reason and because they didn't want to break my heart. Everything was normal for two weeks after until suddenly one day when they were too busy to hangout. That was the last time I spoke to them. I continued to message them for a few months as their responses became more and more depreciated to which they finally said that they didn't want me to message them anymore because it "wasn't good for their mental health or mine". That was the last message I have recieved from them, over 4 months ago. Since then, once a month, I have been sending them a single message simply saying that I hope they are well and that I am getting on okay, nothing more and nothing less. A few weeks ago they removed and blocked me from everything which initially sent my anxiety through the roof but I rationalised it with; well maybe seeing me online is giving them anxiety and since it's holiday break, they want to be online without having to see my name pop up and don't want me to send them updates anymore. I thought that was a bit odd but acceptable.
Today, after getting back from a long day, I find that person "B" who is an old and close friend of mine of over 10 years has done the same, they haven't blocked my number I don't think but I sent them a text immediately asking if they are okay. Person "B" was the one who introduced me to person "A". I haven't heard any response what so ever and I am concerned because I believe that person "A" has been talking to person "B" recently in the past few weeks since person "A" blocked me and since then person "B" has not returned any of my messages.
This threw me over the edge, of course, and almost had a panic attack which I have gotten very good at avoiding. I consulted my mother who knows the entire story very well and she believes that, with support from her own experiences, that person "A" is malicious and manipulative and has manipulated person "B" into rejecting me as well. 1. I cannot believe that person "A" would do this, 2. I cannot believe that person "B" would fall for this. I know the strength of manipulation but even still. I cannot justify person "B"'s actions with any explanation that does not condemn person "A" and yet I simply cannot believe it. Regardless of intent, they way that person "A" and "B" have treated me, without so much as a small message to say why, is totally unacceptable and almost unrecoverable despite how much I want things to return to normal.
The plan is this: Tomorrow morning I will go to person "B"'s house with a box of chocolates simply to check on them to see if this is okay because regardless of the greater situation, that is what a good friend would do (This plan is safe, no-one will get hurt). I hope that this will incur an explanation without further probing however I will inquire if necessary. If they will talk to me then hopefully I can get some resolution, if not then I will have to live with it. I really hope that the explanation is innocent but I simply cannot believe whether it is or is not and it is totally tearing me apart. The steaks are this: lose 2 good friends, lose 1 good friend, lose no friends (unlikely). If, however, person "A" is found to be malicious then at least I can make friends with their ex too > jk
Thank you for reading this long and convoluted story, I hope it wasn't too difficult to follow. What do you think? I would like to hear your thoughts. Please take into consideration that there is a lot of detail omitted for times sake and that there is plenty of evidence on BOTH sides of person "A"'s possible intentions. Regardless, thank you to the HU community for being here for me
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Blunderbuss_bumpkin
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I think going to B's house with a box of chocs is a very bad idea to be honest. It will just give them another chance to hurt you and that's the last thing you want or need. Give it time for the dust to settle then text them.
I would just send them a text and say you are very disappointed in their decision and ask them if they could explain it to you.
I know for a fact that no one could ever turn me against a true friend, so I am wondering if they mean more to you than to them.
Are these people male or female? If so there could a host of different reasons for their attitudes.
Yeh you make a very good point hypercat, you always do 😄. What am I expecting and hoping to hear? I think in reality I want them to see that their actions are wrong, not just in terms of the outcome but the morality too.I couldn't fathom why an old friend would abandon me without saying a word; so inherently believe that they are being misled or mistaken. If I go to them and that's not the case then it will hurt me a lot and the only course of action for me then is revenge which while I would love to and I think I'd be justified in seeking it, won't make the pain go away.
As far as sending them a text later, I don't agree with letting the dust settle, what is waiting to say something going to achieve when I plan on saying the same thing anyway. But there is also no point in sending them a text. IF they read it then what outcome am I expecting? To reverse their decision? I don't think I want that anymore. Or to get revenge; make them feel bad? That won't help me, sure it will feel good but will only make it drag on for longer.
I really don't want to accept that I've been swindled but I don't think there is anything else for it. I just need to move on and focus on myself, damage control. 😔
Aw thank you Blunderbuss_bumpkin. I love a compliment
😘
I have been through something very similar. I had a group of 4 very good friends for many years until my best friend moved away. It wasn't as brutal as yours but I realised I was always the one to get in touch and it took me a while to accept that they had all moved on and I had to as well. It did hurt a lot, I won't deny it, but eventually I did make a new group of friends which made me feel a lot better.
Sometimes you just have to accept it. Now if they ever contacted me again (which I doubt) I wouldn't want to know them. No bitterness but just sadness.
You are clearly self aware and have worked out your motivations so congrats on that. Sometimes it's best just to let things go and move on. Good luck with whatever you decide. x
Thanks a lot, I've completely blocked them on everything, or at least everything that they forgot to block me on.I have no idea why they chose to cut me out, I was never anything but supportive and kind and yet they decided to treat me like this. They're not good people and they don't deserve my friendship and kindness. I cried all morning and I'm hardly holding myself together now but I'm happy with my decision. I reckon that those scumbags may have been planning to reconnect with me in a year or so but they will be sorely surprised to find that I don't want any part of it. I'm sure soon I'll start to feel relieved, once the pain fades 😅😭😅
You say this is unacceptable, yet you must try to accept that these two so-called friends apparently no longer want contact with you. It doesn't matter why. And maybe you are better off without them.It sounds like you are driving yourself to distraction by overthinking this. You will lose both your self-respect and your dignity if you keep chasing after either one of them. In other words, ix-nay on the chocolates.
Friends come and go all our lives. Sometimes it's painful, other times not. Heck, a while back a friend I'd known for 50 years began slowly ghosting me until there was no communication at all. I did not fall apart because this is how life goes.
Again, acceptance is the answer. And you will have greater peace of mind once you stop worrying about what other people think about you.
Thanks, yeh I know you are right. I cannot force others to be my friend and if they don't want anything to do with me then there's nothing I can do about it. I have plenty of other friends, true friends, and worrying over these two is not healthy, no matter how "evil" they might seem.My worry is that person "A" has manipulated person "B" into doing this by making false claims about me but after a restless night I think that the only way that person "B" wouldn't reach out to me before blocking me is if they too willed it. So basically, it's done. I just have to wrestle with my own feelings and focus on damage control. I just wish there was something more satisfactory.
I think you are right but I'm not exactly asking them to be my therapist, just my friend like before. I just can't possibly understand why all of a sudden they would abandon me without saying anything at all. I thought they were good people 😔
Thank you everyone for your advice, I always know I can count on this community. After all your replies and 12 hours in bed without an ounce of sleep, I know what I have to do, just don't want to accept it, nothing.Forget about them, move on and focus on healing myself.
Maybe they will come back around in the future and maybe I will ignore them but I'm not holding out hope.
Thank you so much everyone, for being honest and kind and telling me what I didn't want to hear. You are all amazing 😄😊
I'm breaking down your interactions with A in your own words:
- I continued to message them for a few months
- their responses became more and more depreciated
- they finally said that they didn't want me to message them anymore because it "wasn't good for their mental health or mine".
- That was the last message I have recieved from them, over 4 months ago.
- Since then, once a month, I have been sending them a single message simply saying that I hope they are well and that I am getting on okay, nothing more and nothing less.
They made their boundaries known. They want no further contact. They don't want you to message them. You continue to message them. Imagine the situation being reversed and you told somebody to stop contacting you and they continued to contact you on a regular basis. How would that make you feel? Respected? Heard? My guess is you'd feel that they have an issue letting go and taking "no" for an answer. This is what they feel like.
They tried to phase out the interactions with you by responding less and less. Then they told you outright they didn't want to interact with you any further. Then they had no choice but to block you because their previous requests were not heard.
I understand what you're saying and really appreciate your honesty and you do make a very good point but have to respectfully disagree.I have very recently been in a similar situation. Because of the BPD, I would get panic attacks by notification sounds and being messaged by specific people and they were made aware of this but at no point did I feel disrespected because they were concerned about me and wanted to show their support for me in continuing to message me. There is no way that, even a stranger let alone a friend, would be angry or upset about this.
Further more, is "phasing out interactions" the sort of thing you would expect a friend to do to you? Especially if you are struggling with your biggest life challenge yet.
I can understand that someone may be "forced" to block someone else but I certainly don't view this as the kind of harassment case that would "force" one friend to block another. Adding to this, does this warrant suddenly totally cutting someone out of your life without so much as a reason or even a goodbye?
Finally, by no fault of your own because a lot of context was missing, person "A" was not explicit that they never wanted to talk to me again, in fact they gave a string inclination that this would be temporary (even momentary) and I expected it to last a few months at most which is why I would send them monthly updates. I continued holding out hope and was fully expecting them to message me, even up to the day before. I think this is why it shocked me so much. Person "B" shocked me even more though, I've known them close to ten years and have been through thick and thin with them and with no notice whatsoever they cut me out of their life. Even now I just don't understand why and I'm so confused. I don't know if they planned on it being temporary but if so then they will be sorely disappointed to find that I don't appreciate being treated like this.
Again though, thank you for your honesty and comment and I understand your perspective, it wasn't something I had considered but I simply think that that kind of treatment was totally unacceptable.
Thanks, my mum is really supportive actually. I've had my meds increased but it's yet to take effect, in on max dosage now. I've had two courses of CBT that didn't help and I finally got the gp to refer me to a psychiatrist but I haven't heard from them yet. I just had an assessment for counseling so hopefully I can start that soon and hopefully it helps.It's been nearly three weeks now and it still hurts so much. I've thought it through time and time again and I can't arrive at any conclusion other than that these people are horrible but I just can't accept that when I've shared so much of my life with them and called them my best friends. I still can't sleep tonight because I can't clear my mind of them, I just can't understand why or even how someone could do this? It hurts so much, my mind is still racing of what could I do, what did I do, what if I meet them then what would I say, what do I want and where do I go from here?
I'd love to say that I'm feeling better about it but I'm really not, I'm still just as miserable and "leaking" as before.
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jk
Slowly losing faith again…
Tension headaches 
Struggling with medication
i do not want to be a mom. 
