Am i just angry or is everyone stupid? I'm overwhelmed for sureeeeeeeee

[Against_the_current]

So today i had no sleep because my dumb friend took me to eat at a place that upset my stomache just because it's close to her's and left me go home alone in the rain and sick. I went to my previous accomodation to take the stuff i forgot being rushed to move out and nostalgia hit. My ex-roommate was living life in this vast beautiful place and i'm kicked out and i don't even have where to put the stuff i got. I went to university. Nobody cares im giving scientifically proven answers while others Shoot in the dark answers that make me pray for their future pathients. But when i Shoot in the dark, im not good enough. Tried to cancel my gym membership because i don't have money, im always sick, i have classes, it's cold and dark. I couldn't, gym policy. Tommorrow i have to call the landlord because of my ac remote and i have to make a new bus card and have therapy and go to class and do my homework and email my friend the books because she got issues with tech again and have therapy that is gonna probably trigger the hell out of me in the morning. Forget this all. This is nothing. But i also went to the hospital to see sis. I am broken. Saw mom and sis so worried, in hospital. Hospital looking balkan gypsy ghetto. My friend gave me a pudding for my sis. Mom took it and put it in sis' pocket not minding sis has this vein system thing on her hand. Mom is like a f****** barbarian. I hope... I gaslight myself it's just my anxiety seeing her like that. So mom was a barbarian, Sister's hand, me panicing and Grandma called. Sis was pissed. I would kill everyone who does sis wrong. Mom, Grandma, me. I feel guilty for saying this but it's True. I feel insane rage. I will protect her with my life. But my damn anxiety just makes it worse. I love her more than everything. I couldn't save myself, i don't want to lose her. I don't want her to be in hospitals and waking up nauseus because of my family's bullshit.

I tried to call dad to calm. He said the place where my friends want to go is needlesly expensive and isn't worth it. I'm now mad because it's the same f************** girl that foodpoisoned me by just being dumb and selfish. Now she picked her home town without caring it's expensive and in the middle of nowhere and the others are dumb and believed her. She goes there every week while i dread even hearing from home. How can she be so obssessed with this damned by God place?! And why is everyone so dumb to agree to play her game? Just because it's her home town. She didn't even get us a discount. For this price we could go to Greece. Dad joked saying we should go to Dubai or the Maldives with those money. And that even Elon Musk didn't go there. I really don't get how can she be so obssessed with this place. She's there all the time. Just a bulgarian rural area damned by God.

I want to scream like a metal vocalist! But i don't make a sound. Then i Wonder why im physically and mentally sick. I can't even scaream, my roommate-neighboir will think im crazy and i'm too numb and socially acceptable to do it.

Important : I use language (that is not even my native language) as the only way to get all this steam out before i collapse. So please don't take this down, i tried my best to censor myself and don't talk TW stuff. Please this site and verbally explaining and formulating my thoughts is the only thing keeping me from losing my soul

[Blunderbuss_bumpkin]

Don't worry about your language, I think everyone here understands and anyone else in your position would be hard pressed to survive let alone do it without letting a bad word slip out.

Just the other day you were worrying about everything you had to do and everything that was going on but now you are passed it, you did it, you survived and not everything may have been perfect but it rarely ever is. You may feel like class went poorly or you failed to cancel your gym membership but that's not fair. You've had a shit time the past few years and you're still in a shit place. To expect you to do anything more than surviving is a big ask. Not to mention that the situation you are in is still shit so don't feel guilty or troubled that you feel so angry and powerless. After what you have been through; it is the least I would expect. You got through the day that you were dreading and you survived and that's the most important thing because not just anyone in your situation would, you are doing great! You are stronger and more powerful than you reaslise and I know you can get through this! Just focus on the current moment and take one step at a time, do whatever you need to do to get the job done

[Against_the_current in reply to Blunderbuss_bumpkin]

Thank you so much! You're lighting my whole day! Your recognition means everything! I wish everyone understood so well. Hey, you're a doc, i'm throwing up like crazy, can it be just anxiety, supressed emotions and my moving out? I litterary go to sleep and 1 hour later i wake up throwing up like a fountain. I'm emetophobic and it's terrible. Im so scared.

[Blunderbuss_bumpkin in reply to Against_the_current]

I'm so glad I can help, even a little

My friend who is training to be a lawyer has told me that I do legally need to specify that I am not a medically trained doctor but I do know my stuff. Yeh it could be anxiety, I've vomited from anxiety more than a few times and it could be something about sleep that is causing it, especially if you're only vomiting when trying to sleep. I get night sweats and sometimes night terrors so I know how distressing sleep can be for the body when we are so highly strung on anxiety and emotions. You could try some over-the-counter irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) medication or Gaviscon or other heart-burn meds to see if that does anything (probably wont). I would consult a doctor anyway, I really don't think you're sick but it's still something that needs addressing.

If you are being sick because of food poisoning then there isn't too much that can be done other than to literally vomit it all up and wait it out. Either way it's not going to be the end of the world and it almost certainly wont kill you. Hope this helps and you start feeling better soon

[Against_the_current in reply to Blunderbuss_bumpkin]

Thank you a lot!

[Blunderbuss_bumpkin in reply to Against_the_current]

I saw you got some meds for it already, hope they help! And don't worry about low blood pressure, it's better to be too low than too high

[Against_the_current in reply to Blunderbuss_bumpkin]

Thank you! You're really making this hell better. The thing with my low blood pressure is that im in an anxiety attack. I have been there since i vomited and my anxiety attack got worse at home, mom's triggering me. At home im in a constant anxiety attack from mom and sis, at my new accomodation i can't adapt, i'm always sick

[Blunderbuss_bumpkin in reply to Against_the_current]

Sometimes you've just got to run away and hide for a while until it calms down, sit yourself down in front of the TV and keep yourself distracted. Try not to think about anything, just exist