Just googling that gave me results for: "how to love yourself amdist depression" as if suicide and self-love cannot co-exist. Can't you love yourself enough to realize you deserve better and then be rational and reasonable enough to see when you've royally f*cked so now you can only do yourself this last courtesy?
Not trying to spread the joy. Honestly not sure what I'm doing. Maybe just trying to prove a point to myself.
Everytime I think about suicide and like you said doing yourself a final courtesy, I realize I'm too stubborn to give up. Which is a little funny that stubborness saves me. I've tried to "let myself get killed" like a semi merging into my lane that doesn't see me and just letting it happen. I see the idea behind putting yourself out of your misery but personally I don't think it's a kindness. I always end up seeing it as giving up and letting the people down who care about you. Thinking about the pain I would cause others has always stopped me. If you can't be kind to yourself, sometimes it's easier to start with being kind to others. Try pouring your heart into a reply in this group for someone else who needs help. Give them the kindness you wish someone would give you. People here need your help and support. I know you're not trying to spread the kindness, but do it for selfish reasons and see how it makes you feel
not sure if this is getting too dark and triggering. Only time I could see that is if you are in eminent danger such as from another being and the options are prolonged torture and death or death. Feelings are not that though they can be terrible. The difference is you are not your feelings.
By simply posting here you have made an impact no matter how tiny. Tomorrow you will respond to me and you will have made a bigger impact to me. That is important. I value your post because it made me think and I value your reply. It wouldn’t be a kindness to me and thus not a kindness to you.
hi Qeli, your message has been received. Although I don’t fully understand what you mean but I di agree with Fauxx Trot that you harm those who care about you immensely with your behaviors. Your end is the beginning of their horror. If you can find it in your heart to have mercy on those people then you will have done a great job at self love. Just think of it as taking a shii and leaving. That’s what I equate suicide with. I’ve thought about it before but I couldn’t bear the pain of thinking about my husband having to deal with the loss. I will have become a big interruption in his life. I won’t live forever but I’ll make sure that each day is well lived to my best ability. I’m here because I’m healing and my best had yet to come. I hope yours is not too far ahead! Be well.
Try taking an A4 sized line paper book - start on page 1 write your name, and date of commencement. Go on to pages 2 - 3. Put the day's date at top of each page.
Also try keeping a diary, What are you doing today, where are you going, who will you see
How do you feel during these activities?
Page two - list as many of the negative things about yourself, your dislikes, the bad things, the scary things, people you may not like - think negative write what you think! -
Page three - list as many positive things about yourself, your likes, the good things, people you love, interests your like doing, think positive write what you think!
At the end of the day, spend a little time really thinking about each item, weigh them up like against dislike.
Ask yourself what you can do to make the negatives better, set yourself a goal and GO FOR IT. If you are into praying - pray over the negatives. Really examine yourself on a daily basis. This is called EXAMINE
Do this daily and see where it takes you..... Learn to love yourself!
When you can love yourself, learn also how to like yourself.
WORTH A TRY
Hi B1213.
Wow wow wow. Such a beautiful yet easy exercise . All part of the journey we take to get to that better place
Hello again everybody and thank you for taking the time. Really appreciate it.
@FauxxTrot I'm sorry you've been there. Random acts of kindness? Takes a lot of opening up to listen and relate. I understand where you're coming from, engaging with others, getting out of your own head; but I over-empathize, I take it real bad so other's burdens feel like my own successfully making me all the more depressed.
And other people suffering when I'm gone? Please. Not saying anyone would be better off, sadder or happier when I'm gone. Utter disregard.
@Blueruth Thank you for seeing things from my perspective, somewhat. You are not your feelings? I'll love to know more about that.
@dwhp Oh please, I have nightmares featuring bathrooms and feces. I'm happy for you that you have someone to pull you off the edge though. All the best.
@Babe1213 Believe me I've tried this exercise and almost everything you could think of; nothing works long-time, nothing lasts a couple days even. I appreciate that you've been through a lot and sharing positive constructive ideas but I'm far past that point.
@DodgeDhanda Hope that worked out well for you.
Thank you again everybody. I haven't to people in months, yeays maybe. Be well.
I personally think that suicide is the ultimate form of self-hate and not self-love and for whatever reason the person is in so much pain they think there aren't any options for them or a way to end their pain. I also think a lot of depression comes from repressing and denying our shame and pain instead of getting help to become aware of them, acknowledge them and process them. One of the things that really helped me was getting a wonderful dog that taught me and allowed me to experience unconditional love for myself for the first time and also love for others. As spiritual beings here on this planet, I think our mission is to learn to love ourself unconditionally and thereby also others and all life here and it's the role of our lifetime.
Hey @designguy thank you for leaving a reply. Your opinion represents the majority if not the only view ever expressed. I wanted to know why is it so.
Could see what you mean about pets. Had two myself and loved them enough to help them escape the abuse at home.
Can't see things from a spiritual point of view myself but it's great that that works for some people. All the best and thanks again.
What do you love about yourself? 💕 
On the path of self love 💗..
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How To Love Your Self
