It's rough. Why do bad people win?

[Against_the_current]

It's 3am. I woke up. I actually went to sleep at a reason able time because i was tired and because i hoped i could spend more time sleeping and because i hoped i could do a healthier sleep schedule. And i wake up at 2 and something am. Have no water. Miss my old place. Think what if i did a mistake coming here. Thinking my unimate is telling me to move out to her apartment that she's leaving and i avoid her because of this, i get triggered thinking she thinks my place is bad and too expensive. Her place is same price but has a kitchen but doesn't cover Internet, water and tv bills, doesn't even have a tv, i will lose my deposit here, i will have to move all my stuff again. She wanted me to come with her after school but i was so triggered when she mentioned her place that i stood there and didn't get in her bus. Tommorow i will see If she's mad. Or thinks im mad. She's trying to help and she's thinking she's trying to help and i'm acting weird. People here study psychology but don't understand i get scared. Why did my roommates have to kick me out? Now they're at that lovely apartment. I miss it. I want it back. At night i can't stop thinking im so stupid and i want it and there is no better place. Why did my roommates win? Why are landlord making a one room so expensive? Still the apartment would get more expensive when you add the bills but still i overthink it all the time. And i can't just leave because my friend said so. I have to give 1 month note and pay 2 rents and lose my deposit and move all my stuff. Problem number 2.

Really rough day at university. I had to have 2 presentations and i was preparing for them but then my friend said she gives up and then there was no time for my presentation. The second we were totaly unprepared, my group forgot they asked me to join. And they litterary asked me 1 day before the present day. No preparation. And i'm too tired for preparation anyway. And i suddenly remembered my Boss told me to apply for the internship that day. I called a teacher to submit my schedule so i could generate a contract and i generate contract and then rush, print it, had no money with me, asked for some i have to return Tommorrow, rushed to the office, tried to give my documents but the administration lady yelled at me telling me there's no funds and she told me the last time. But my boss told me to apply. Only lost money, time and nerves. I didn't stay with my friends during break. I just ran to the neighboiring forest and took some pics (the guy i was friends with before he dissapeared used to escape in the forest when his mental health got worse and since he dissapeared i imagined talking to him about how difficult everything is and whether we're mentally sick or just society gaslights us while it's totaly normal to feel frustrated by all its scheme, interests, mafias and stupidness and how nobody cares about you and having your internship stolen. We litterary called the government to ask why they aren't giving us funds, the government said they sent the funds. So we found out probably the university mafia stole them but there's nobody i can report this to. Litterary the European Union send our government money for our internships and the government sent our university money and now the administration lady yelled at me there are no money. And my friends laughed when i told them it's a mafia and someone slawolled the money. Said I was using funny words🤦‍♀️. They Treat me as If im in the kindergarten but expect me to have adult responsibilities and understand all these scheme. But i don't and i feel so stupid. Mafia isn't something i specialize on. I don't even understand the thing i specialize on. We suck at psychology. There's no conselour, no person to report to of the theft of europen funds. What if The EU finds out and stops giving us these funds? We will go to Stone Age? I can't immigrate. Bulgaria is like my accomodation. Everyone tells me i need to leave but it will be a bit more expensive and a lot more stressing.). I feel like i'm getting alienated again and i fear of my friends feeling i feel frustrated towards them and damning me and me being a loner like in highschool. They already start to act cold seeing im distancing myself but i'm distancing myself because they trigger me and make me frustrated. Even the ladies at the supermarket look grumpily at me. This place gets girls and turns them into grumpy old karens.

I get so tired. I couldn't clean and do laundry. Couldn't do groceries.

Trying to hold on to something positive but it feels like gaslighting myself. Watching some cartoons. Trying to find something that comgorts me. Damn i miss Nicelodeon so bad. I had it in my last accomodation. Thinking about adopting a cat for this friend's birthday but he completely dissapeared 16 days ago. Would be nice. Saving a kitten and a struggling person. He adopted a kitten but it was too sick and eventually passed away so i wanted to get a new one. Of course i would ask first, If it's okay, If it's not triggering, If the Kitty will get care. But the person dissapeared. Anyway i have more serious issues.

[Hidden]

Wow! It seems that you are thinking of a lot of things at once (not a criticism). No wonder you feel overwhelmed. Try and take one thing at a time. Remember that you can't control other people and their thoughts. It seems like I spend a lot of my time worrying about what others are doing and/or thinking and/or about whether I'm being talked about. This creates unnecessary suffering, especially since these are things I cannot control. I can only control myself and my thoughts and actions.As to your question of why do bad people win: this is one of the million-dollar questions. I'm slowly realizing that it doesn't really matter. It doesn't mean it's not frustrating; it just means, "why should I be the one worrying about this?" I mean, can we really control whether they win or not? No, we can't. So why spent time thinking about it?