Depression Question

[September0916]

Does anyone ever feel like their depression takes them to the saddest moments of their lives? Or why that happens?

The situation is, I am happily married, I love my husband more than words can describe. But recently I have struggled with severe anxiety and depression. I have been having dreams and someone of my past (an ex) keeps appearing. No words are said no romantic gestures are in these dreams, he is just simply there. Years ago when we broke up he shattered my heart and it really messed with my anxiety and depression but when I get really depressed it seems that it always takes me back to the saddest moment crying outside feeling helpless and alone.

[Sadmans]

Ask yourself these questions 1. Am i having financial problems?

2. Are my children in trouble?

3. Does my husband love me?

If you have positive answers for all questions believe me you are soo lucky. If u have negative answers you aren't alone . So my advice is cheer up !!let bygones be bygones. Have a happy life while it lasts

[eharvey8]

Yes that definitely happens to me. I have specific anxiety-related dreams (about my high school volleyball coach half the time which seems so trivial but I guess she really got to me haha) and when I'm depressed it's like I can't think of anything else– even when I just spent a great weekend with friends, I sit at home after thinking about all the things that make me lonely. I'm also a psych major and I know that many theorize that depressed people have mental processing biases that draw their thoughts back to negative things and that the pathways in their brain that connect to negative events get stronger and stronger the more we think about them (and there is some scientific evidence/studies to back that theory up). My advice that I have been working on myself is to write down things that you love about you, things that you love about your relationships, and other positive things. Since our brains won't do this for us, we have to actively rewire our brains and if we do it enough, then it'll become more automatic. That's the whole point of CBT (though not every therapist is great at the cognitive part). I really hope this helps. I would definitely try to challenge yourself to think of all those positive things (but definitely not in a guilty way– it's not your fault you're thinking about the negatives because clearly you would rather not!). Give yourself some grace that it's not your fault, but also realize that with time and effort, it is within your power to work on it and soon you will be better at it and be able to think of the positives more than the negatives automatically. Hang in there

[September0916 in reply to eharvey8]

Thank you for that. I definitely would not be thinking about that. To be honest I feel guilty to think back at the sadness that he caused me. I don't look back and think "dang I wish we were still together" because I love my husband more than anything but I think about all the sadness that my ex caused me and the heart ache I endured during that time. I wouldn't change my life now for the world, I just wish I could stop thinking about the past and wish he would stop appearing in my dreams. Like I said its nothing romantic or anything its simply he is just there and then I wake up in a panic attack every time (he was never abusive) it just simply reminds me of all the heartache he cause. *facepalm*

[JLoInCali12 in reply to eharvey8]

"My advice that I have been working on myself is to write down things that you love about you, things that you love about your relationships, and other positive things. Since our brains won't do this for us, we have to actively rewire our brains and if we do it enough, then it'll become more automatic."

This is great to know and would be great as a post itself to share with the group! Many on this forum are looking for ways to heal and get better, so please share!

[hypercat54]

Hi I would say it's the other way round - the sadness causes the depression. It sounds to be like you have buried your painful feelings and emotions, but the trouble with that is they start to leak out poisoning your present and future.

You need to understand where they come from so maybe counselling would help you get to the roots? x

[Hidden]

eharvey8 has lots of good ideas - we don't choose what we dreams, and lots of sad stuff comes up when we're depressed - it's called negativity bias -- which is great if you're living in a jungle and have to stay alive. You need to remember all the bad stuff - like the sounds of predator tracking you so the next time you run away ... but in modern life we don't remember "life threatening" - we remember/trigger sad times that had strong feelings and that we often dwelled on for hours or weeks or years. And boom they're back. So what ever caused this depression, our mind latches on to negative thoughts in the now and memories from the post. It's not rational and no need for guilt or judgement. CBT can really help to bust down some of that negativity bias, but you have to work on it retraining your brain. Another thing that might help with the bad EX memories is, Expressive writing - you can google that --- but writing about an intense negative experience, even a memory can help process it and settle it. Maybe talk to your counsellor about doing it. There are 100's of studies of showing how expressive writing help. I resisted but even 3 days for 15-20 minutes, can really make a difference. I've copied a bit about it expressive writing here ... it says 4 days .... psychologytoday.com/us/blog...

[fullquiver0123]

Thank you for sharing! I believe sadness does provoke unresolved heartache and whoever is connected to that past hurt can be manifested in dreams. It's unfinished business. And we are all vulnerable to underlying core issues getting pushed into the subconscious mind where they recycle repeatedly. If it continues to be unaddressed, it will grow in intensity. The good news is healing is possible! A therapist can help you process the emotional trauma. What do you think about seeing one?

[September0916 in reply to fullquiver0123]

I currently see one! I will see her on Tuesday and I am going to talk to her then!

[fullquiver0123 in reply to September0916]

That's great! If you're comfortable letting us know the progress made, I'd love to hear more of your story.

[September0916 in reply to fullquiver0123]

I will for sure!!