am I the bad guy?

[BrownEyesBlue]

I’ve been so depressed lately. Stressed, worried and my anxiety is at an all time high.

I’m scared to leave the house for fear of bumping into certain people.

My father who needs assistance while living at home was in need of a worker and my nieces boyfriend took the job. Long story short, it didn’t work out. They felt certain privileges should be granted because he was “family”. After taking time off time and time again I spoke up about it as I live with my father. It was getting ridiculous. My niece got involved and her mother; it had nothing to do with them. Hateful things were said to me; one of which was that’s why I was born, to take care of our father.

Cut to a year later and my niece and her bf got married. I was NOT welcome to the wedding so therefore did not attend. Her now husband told me so. And now I’m the villain. But apparently it was put online that everyone was welcome (they deleted me so how would I know?). My sister was the only one to reach out; but it wasn’t her wedding. And that “reaching out” was nothing more than a guilt trip. They’ve turned my friends against me. None of my sisters children speak to me anymore and have deleted me from social media and sadly have told me they want nothing from me and basically don’t want me to have any contact with their kids whom I adore. . I’m heartbroken and I can’t come to terms with the fact of how it’s come to this. They don’t even visit their father/grandfather/great grandfather because I live in the house which I feel is unfair.

Am I the bad guy? I’m so tired of all this. I’m so tired of struggling with the internal dialogue of what I could’ve done differently. I’m crying all the time. I can’t sleep. I just don’t know what to do. Help please 😔

[AnxiousSilver]

"Help please 😔"

Here.. Part of me feels like there's more to this story that's missing, but then again maybe not.

.

I've said this before, and I'll share it again.

Before I broke down, my extended family looked at me as a role model, and wanted their kids around me as much as possible.

Heck, one begged my mom to have me let her son hang out with my friends. (my friends weren't thrilled with him, but that's a whole other convo)

.

After I break down, I'm basically looked upon as a leaper. Nobody wanted anything to do with me anymore.

The one that had his mom beg my mom to let him hang out with my circle of friends sees me working out at the gym many years ago. Yeah well he sees me, and just keeps walking by like I didn't exist.

I didn't say anything when it happened either, I just let it happen. I forgive him, but I'll never forget that moment. (we haven't spoken after I broke down, and yeah I got a lot of that from other extended family members)

.

Just remember this. (purposely trying to wrap this up)

You can't choose your family, (especially extended family) but you can choose your friends.

[BrownEyesBlue in reply to AnxiousSilver]

thanks. I try to be as transparent as I can be in my posts. As for there being more to the story, I’ll be as forthcoming as I can be with anyone. I’ve written about this whole situation many times and feel my posts are too long and people don’t want to read them.

[FogLand]

hi, I don’t think you’re a villain… we only know what you shared, but I read your post as if you were wishing things were different and hoping to one day repair the relationships. I don’t think a villain would have those feelings.

when you say you are struggling with what you could have done differently, I hope you can let go of the past, since you can’t change it. When people leave your life, they have to want to come back in the future.

It’s easier said than done to reconnect, especially with family, when we have known them so long and they mean so much to us. I hope they choose to see how you feel and that you can all heal in the future.

[BrownEyesBlue in reply to FogLand]

thank you. I know there are three sides to every story; my side, their side and the right side. I try to include myself as much as I can as, like everyone, I’m not perfect.

Bottom line is this all started over a family members partner not doing their job and me stepping in and saying enough is enough. It really is that simply. Im so torn up about it.

Thank you for your reply.

[Genuineguy]

So let me get this right. You spoke up when someone wasnt living up to their job and they arent happy with you?! 🧐🤔 Sounds like a great lack of maturety in not wanting to accept truths. Sounds like pride to me.

Hold your head high for speaking up if this iis the case. Its not easy to stand up and be honest and you did it. Im sure you hhad good motives. Sorry youre facing the backlash of other's immaturety

[BrownEyesBlue in reply to Genuineguy]

that’s what started all this. My father wasn’t getting the care he needed. He was constantly taking time off. He had 11 days off, came back for one and during that day requested to the other worker (not me (I’m basically the supervisor as I oversee everything in regards to my Dad) or the company that is handling payments) for more time off which would of meant an additional 10 days. I was so accommodating at first but I’d had enough. This was going on from the time he had started.

And now my family treats me like the villain.

Thank you for your words 💕

[Genuineguy in reply to BrownEyesBlue]

It seems like he wasnt professional and took liberities because of your closeness. You had to speak up and be professional. Its nothing personal. You just need someone reliable. I work for myself and at times Im late to a job for reasreasons out of my control. They may be honest and tell me they got someone else and rightly so. Its not personal and I would be unprofessional and wrong to take that personally. If you ask me your niece's husband's reaction shows how unprofessional he is. An apology would be in order for not being as reliable as you were led to believe he would be. There may have been something to work with then. As I sasay though, pride can be a problem at times.