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Self Hatred

Geinki profile image
76 Replies

Trigger WarningMy self hatred is so bad I slap myself hard on the rightside qhenever someone laughs judges or criticises me. No inner peace anymore

76 Replies
Geinki profile image
Geinki

Slap myself hard on the rightside of my face

Brig57 profile image
Brig57 in reply to Geinki

what about??

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Brig57

My self hatred to myself

Brig57 profile image
Brig57 in reply to Geinki

but..............who thrives on being talked bad or etc etc.......nothing wrong with that person.......they are just senstive whichi is hardly bad.......being senstive it hurts ..words hurt............ya ........most people are like that.......its rude of the person to be mean or unkind to u.......ur lack tact........ok some **** people couldnt care less.......ok ...........sooooooooooooooo what.........we in my business.........we value**** senstive people as they would never** hurt my horses vesus.........ohhhh the insesntive extrovert whatevers.......i have to watch like a hawk as they are demanding and insesntive to my horses......can hurt my horses and ......dont care at all...............personlly.......i have had tons of student just like u..........ya........so what.......normal.......just lots of society sees the 2 percernt of the cup not full and dont see th e98 pecernt............my guess.................u know this and if wre having a bad day ud say...............hey brig............sorry ur having a bad day .........whats going on.......ahhh brig.........dont listen to those mean people brig.......dont listne to them.........

thats my guess..........nothing wrong with u...........all artists and riders are self critical.........so what........with friends .....we dont have to be perfect......hey senstive is wayyyyyyyyy bettr than collegues who have no sensitivty.....thats my experience......................Ur turn ........welcome to disagree.......seem lke a nice person to me............

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Brig57

I know that anybody that treats animals are not good people. One horrible thing for animals is they cannot speak up for themselves when they are not feeling good

Puppies profile image
Puppies in reply to Geinki

I haven’t visited this site in a long time. I’m not much of a computer person that’s why I’ve been away.

I feel self hatred and have tried to kill myself and am a survivor of child molestation. I have a hard time leaving the house so I don’t have many friends. I have had an eating disorder and am dealing with body dysmorphia, low self esteem and don’t feel good enough.

I’m dealing with anxiety, panic disorder and depression. Want to just give up. Don’t want to live like this.

Can anyone tell me how they deal with things?

Puppies 1

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Puppies

Puppies please dont give up Im glad you reached out today. On a daily bases i have suicidal thoughts of it all the the time. But somethings is keeping me going and i know that there is a reason why we connected today and I am so glad you are here. I dont like going outside of my house anymore not even to go out to the car. I know there is a reason why you are here You may be able to help someone or mentor them . Please dont give up you have a lot to offer the world and me. You and i can be there for each other. You deserve the best in life and peace, Your friend, Gigi

OB73 profile image
OB73

I told myself that today...smh i was feeling hopeless but im ok now and you will also ...🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾prayer

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to OB73

Thank you, Oscar. i will include you in all my prayers

Brig57 profile image
Brig57 in reply to Geinki

sound like a nice person to me........???

Geinki profile image
Geinki

Hi Brig, Thank You. Just cant see anything good in myself

Brig57 profile image
Brig57 in reply to Geinki

but depression isnt ur fault......still prob a very likeable person.......

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Brig57

Thank you, Brig. The picture you have is my favorite character i have about 25 or more Snoopy stuffed animals to hug on a daily basis

Brig57 profile image
Brig57 in reply to Geinki

honey...just because were not our own greatest fan doestn mean others wont like us ........8 years ago i met a woman who didnt either.........she was a sweet a woman as u ever met........i will always miss her ........but her low self esteem meant she was super kind super swweet and no diva and not snooty or vain or .........so u see how we see ourselves..........others may say.......well but shes a wonderuful person........life or famly was hard on and has low self esttem but oh my the nices person as a friend..........my freind sure was........

Brig57 profile image
Brig57 in reply to Brig57

in fact her doctor told her she has a persaoltuy disrorder........heck she was a sweet as anyone anywhere.........we see our faults but others may or may not see that........we got on great til she had to move now happily married thatnkfull y ...........ncst person anywhere.......

Brig57 profile image
Brig57 in reply to Brig57

she was depressed when i met her.......loniness why wouldnt she be depressed........tons of women are lonely unwanted because to societ they arent model qautlity.............to us...........we think..........ya thank goodness.......whod want some model...........we never can get taht across to women.........not all men want models.........noooooooooooo thank u.......we like real and kind.......warm people not measurement or whateer ......real men like real women .

Brig57 profile image
Brig57 in reply to Brig57

im super sorry life has been so unkind and so hard on u......really i am and no doubt lots other......(dont tell anyone..........i am big fan of stuffed anmals)

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Brig57

Oh Cool

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Brig57

Sending you, Warm hugs🤗🤗

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Brig57

Thank you, Brig. Ive made plenty of mistakes in my life time

Brig57 profile image
Brig57 in reply to Geinki

who hasnt..........tip of the iceburg......but we see ourselves through our lenses........(like im cary grant.........ha) ......but......our friends see us as we are today and our inner qualities esp as one gets to know the real person.......i wouldnt go near celerity women for l the money in the ocean....yet lots of people comp;are themsleves to them........we.........we guys.........we...........dont feel that way at all.............and a the more one is around those ultra perfect ultra entiled.........omg ...........makes one run the other way.............outside is one thing but the mroe u know them the more u wish u haddnt.........again..........loneliess causes massive depression.......now!!! who would want me and why i argue al the time.............forget the clinical labels............my dear dear friend when i met her........was very depressed.........finally i had to tell her...........look..............aint nothing wrong wth u..........and she soo nice to me v others who maul me because..........tm nice........and to lots of women in america.........thats weak or borng or not dangerous or whatever..........we have no clue but they hate us nice guys................she............she..........she ............was soooo nice to me........we hit it off like u cant believe...........loneliness eats away at miions of both men ad women............when no one wants u........or needs u........................sure who dosnt get masss depressed.............just part of being human..........works in both genders............oh like im cary grant.......whod want me? same dif.........

my suggestion if u dont take offense.....and this helps me .........put a great big smily face on ur frig or mirror................and if u get lonely ...........write us!!!!! we looooove mail........omg..............loooooooooooooooooove to hear from u what ur interested in .....anything...............who doesnt want company .........and................heres the kicker.............u..............u.............wounld never laugh at me...................right? ..........ud never say..........now brig u should have more self esteem u should not be lonely just march out there and grab a freind............aya right................soooooooooo ud be like her........suuuuuuuuuuper kind and never never laugh..........to guys.........thats

HUUGE..........................Have........................a ..............NICE...............DAy honey........👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍😀😀😀😀😀😀👍👍👍👍👍😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

Brig57 profile image
Brig57 in reply to Brig57

depresson is no crime no sin........common as butter today.........loneliness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Brig57

Thank you, Brig. I appreciate it

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Brig57

Hope you have a nice day, too, Brigs💜👩

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Brig57

Thank you, Brig.

Brig57 profile image
Brig57 in reply to Geinki

see how nice u r???????????? most of as we get older.........like one singer said.........long after the thrill of life is gone..........we ..........we all help each otheras friends..........toss the diagnosis stuff........ lets have a party or start making stuff or xmas......or like i said...........hey write us a story or whatever............everuyone would loooooooooooooooooooover to hear from u..............here.........its more than ok to be human........i prob picked it up from workng around horses........u shuld see clincial refrgs with horses............omg................noooooooooooo horses like*********** depressed people and humans..........being human with horss and animals an asset not what people are told...........animals loooooooooooooooooooooove human...............perfect pepole scare the to death.......!!!!

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Brig57

Thank you, Brig. My name is Gigi. Nice to meet you

Brig57 profile image
Brig57 in reply to Geinki

uuuuuuuuu 2.........honey........we are all threated by gestures.......us......animals..........man u approach a horse wrong or ride next to someone ur horse doesnt like and .........whoa........they will pin their ears so.fast.........thats how it should be.......they are tellng that person or horse

ur threatenig me........ur scaring me...............(ya.......prevents fights)

but..........uuuuuuuuuuuuuu ............as im realtitly sensitive and can be shy.........

dont scare me........soooooooooooo............(better ririend ........ur NOT scary or threatening...........ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)

uuuuuuuuuuuuu would never laugh or dump on me for trying to be considerate (as opposed to my staff at the college and my famly who have zero respect or me.........their loss man........no offense.......ok? bear wth me this will sound really cocky...........but..........iver ridden and comp;etedd and can perform wayyyyyyyyyyyyy above my staff and famly.........and .........they treat me like dirt..........why? who the heck knows...........their problem.............but my old friend would say essential............but.........brig.........ilike u ..........really? really? why.........oh brig lets go walk in the woods ........................see what i mean? she was sooooooooo nice............to beat up me...........fabulous...!!! ur just the same...............noting wrong with u...........heck .........loneliness is 101 for older =peopole or peoole in general.................purpose of clubs and churches.......just saw a program where a guy alwasy had breakfast at the cafe........why............be aroud poeole of course.........heck ........universal........were social creatures.........ud soudn like a great!!!!!!!friend.............

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Brig57

You deserve to be happy and please be kind to yourself

Brig57 profile image
Brig57 in reply to Geinki

do u hear?????????????? what a great.........massively great friend person u RRRRRRRR?????????? omg there has been such a huge hole .....in the universe since i lost her (she was no twig...........like i cared!!!!!!!!!!!!HA!!!!!!!!! she was just lke u................we allllllllneed to be wanted.....(my ex in 15 years.......always............pushed me away.......one hug in 15 years......long side story) sooooooooooo this woman.......like u..........was a massiiiiiiiiiive omg to my soul...........i was sossssssssoooooooooooo starved for a NICE person............omg..............but ..........clnically........(x, y , xz.........who the hello................cares..............oh toosh..........i dont listne to none of that.....let the frking doctors worry about that stuf..........we alllllllll need buddies pals whatever..........i ............sure do..........and like i said...........uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

would never laugh at me (my first gf at age18......i was soo shy........she was very pretty and then..........turned to pure ice.......mocking me on things...........ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh taught me to steer trhe clear of so called prett women....................no ...........i hear ** how they talk to eople not ...........what they look like..............no no no............i listen to how they treat people.............ud be a smashing friend..............dont worry about the cliical stuff...................that stuff dont exist with friends.........

NICE...............to meet uuuuuuuuuu.........made my day ....

write...........(plse) anyh.........................time..................!!!! oh .........Big Bird and the gang all send their love...........(the older i get the more i work on my first chidlood..........loooe kids books and innocent stuffr........saw too much in vet med.............looove comics...........had a life tme of seroius........u prob too .....

take care............welcome .....................2..................the neibhorhood..........;)

Brig57 profile image
Brig57 in reply to Brig57

Im the other***** man from snowy river..............4..............real...........and there are lots wilder guys and gals than me.........another story.........tc!!!

Zhangliqun profile image
Zhangliqun

WHY do you hate yourself?

Geinki profile image
Geinki

Severe Depression and low self worth

Brig57 profile image
Brig57 in reply to Geinki

(((sure..........lonneliness........who wouldnt be!!!!)

Brig57 profile image
Brig57

nobody likes to be laughed at or criticised..........nooooooooooooooooobody.............NORMAL!!!!!!

Geinki profile image
Geinki

I always run the other way if i see someone who is a threat. Or if it looks like someone is staring hard and im driving i put my hands into fist for about a minute

Brig57 profile image
Brig57 in reply to Geinki

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why....................no offense wouldnt u?

OB73 profile image
OB73

Awe im sorry please seek help Gigi...🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to OB73

Hi Oscar, I currently see a really good therapist right now she's really good. Still struggle with it. i hope you are doingwell Oscar, Warm hugs to you, Gigi🤗💜🤗Hope your baby is doing well

PourSomeSugarOnMe profile image
PourSomeSugarOnMe

hugs, I understand these feelings too, I’m trying my best to have more love towards myself, I’ve been waiting on therapy for self harm and BPD for years to start. I have so much love to give to everyone else, it’s just hard to give or feel the same love back to myself.

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to PourSomeSugarOnMe

Thank you. I hope that you can see what a wonderful, kind, gentle person you are and how you make others feel better from just knowing you, warm smiles and hugs being sent your way🥰🤗🤗🤗💝💝💝

PourSomeSugarOnMe profile image
PourSomeSugarOnMe in reply to Geinki

thanks so much and the same to you. You are very warm and kind 💕

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to PourSomeSugarOnMe

You are welcome. Thank you🤗💜

emmi331 profile image
emmi331

People who make judgemental or cruel remarks are the ones who should be slapped upside the head! Lol....But seriously, their unkindness says more about them than it does about you. Usually these are insecure individuals who only feel better when they put someone down.

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to emmi331

Thank you, Emmi🤗💝

bobbyrita profile image
bobbyrita

I was so disturbed by how you feel. you are loved and you have to get rid of toxic people in your life, even if they are family. I wonder and hope you believe in God. That has helped me the very most. i am old and alone but never feel lonely anymore because God is always with me. I often call this number for support nycwell 8886929355 they are always open.

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to bobbyrita

Hi Bobby, i do believe in God. i usually go to church. I have diabetic foot ulcer right now i cant. My nam is Gigi. Nice to meet you🤝

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Geinki

Thank you, Bobby. Warms smiles and hugs🤗💝

bobbyrita profile image
bobbyrita in reply to Geinki

I feel so very relieved except for your ulcer. You are a part of God. Your Soul is connected. I am spiritual and but not ritually religious. I talk to God so much. If you start getting down on yourself just stop it and keep on remembering that God loves you and you are not alone and you HAVE TO KEEP AWAY FROM TOXIC PEOPLE but keep on making sure to love yourself.

fondly,

bobby

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to bobbyrita

Thank you, Gigi🤗💜

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to bobbyrita

Im actually Catholic. Ive been baptised.

Blueruth profile image
Blueruth in reply to bobbyrita

I don’t feel alone and it has nothing to do with a god. It is how I take care of myself. I will be there until I am no more. Just in case someone feels pressured in a vulnerable state

Innovative profile image
Innovative

we need to get you around people who speak well of you, who life you up and remind you of your worth. We need to feed you encouragement, so you will change that inner voice you have and it will tell you of the goodness you have and how you are wonderful and lovable.

Man… this hit so hard when I read this that I felt led to say you are so valuable, loved, and not how your mind or others are trying to define you or make you feel.

If you do not know the Lord, please please please seek to find out how much He loves you and how valuable and cherished you truly are to Him. If I can help, please let me know.

I am praying for you… have better days. 💕🌻

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Innovative

Hi Innovative. Thank you. I cant see myself in a good light anymore I usually go to church but due to diabetic foot issues i cant. Ive let my health go due to depression and wanting to give up. I have a good priest i normally talk to and email. Worried about him hes sick with a cold. Thank you. I hope you have a good day also

Blueruth profile image
Blueruth

sounds to me like you have triggers and terrible mind reading skills. “Whenever someone laughs, judges, or criticizes me”. How often do you feel judgemental about someone else? In fact how much time do you spend considering anyone else at all? People are almost by nature self involved. You have to take care of yourself first so you think about yourself. The only one criticizing you is most likely you. (Families are an exception but you don’t have to listen to them anymore and perhaps that is your trigger )

I’m all about helper strategies

A trick when you feel that self criticism coming on is to start a sentence with “oh well” as in “oh well, I put my foot in my mouth again. It probably wasn’t as bad as I remember and I’m learning “. “oh well” diffuses that thought. If that fails at first…which it will because that’s how we learn. Snap a rubber band on your wrist and breathe for a count of 4. Hold it. Let it go for a count of 4. Physically it stimulates your somatic nervous system with in turn releases dopamine

Of course those aren’t the only strategies but they are proven tools to start with

Itsjust profile image
Itsjust

who laughs at you? Probably people that you should be slapping xD not yourself

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Itsjust

People i deal with at work and in public

Itsjust profile image
Itsjust in reply to Geinki

Can you report them?

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Itsjust

Nope i think it would give them more power

Itsjust profile image
Itsjust in reply to Geinki

sadly people don't acknowlege emotional and psychological abuse, right? Keep on writing here tho, it's important you don't feel alone, because you are definitly not :D

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Itsjust

Thank you

Itsjust profile image
Itsjust

you are turning your anger towards yourself, see how you in fact hate them and not you? Get in touch with your anger, and why you feel like you can't be angry at them instead? Feeling angry is not bad, feeling angry means someone crossed your boundaries or hurt you, you should get your feelings validated, and you should be supported in your hurt. Me, on this side acknowledge your pain, and let me say that they are wrong, and you have every right to feel violated emotionally and psychologically. They should be punished, and appologize to you.

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Itsjust

Thank you, Itsjust

Rubyphoenix profile image
Rubyphoenix

Twigger Warning,(suicide,self harm, abuse)

I get you. I lived with abuse/harrassment for over a decade. The depression and anxiety too. It led me too self harm too. I used to punch myself in the head and pull my hair. It wasnt really self hatred for me. It was a combination of anger towards my harrassers and frustration that I couldnt stop it somehow. Maybe i was trying to punish myself too. Then I tried to kill myself but I couldnt make myself cut deep enough cause I didnt want to die, I just wanted the harrassment, the people following me, the laughter to stop. I wanted the pain I had caused myself to stop too. I watched my husband commit suicide and I just couldnt do it too. But I discovered the pain of cutting distracted me from the mental pain and I can deal with physical pain . Mental pain, not so much. I was a cutter for a few years. Then my son who i had lost my rights to turned 18 and showed up at my door. One of the happiest days of my life. We were sitting next to each other and he saw my arms. He didnt say anything but I saw the pain and sorrow on his face. He lost his father to suicide when he was 2 1/2. I can imagine how much it would hurt seeing those scars on his mothers arms. I never wanted to hurt him so I never cut again. He says he forgave me for my mistakes, but I still havent forgiven myself. We are our own harshest critics and usually most people dont even notice or care when we mess up. But i also know harrassment can be real even though everyone else says its all in your head. I still dont leave my house because I cant handle knowing people are watching me, trying to violating my personal space, invading my privacy. I never know if anyone I interact with has some kind of ulterior motive or not. And it makes me hurt so much. Lately that pain is turning to anger again though and my 4 year suffers. I think I will have to cut again to stop the anger. I would never purposely hurt someone else because I can physically feel others pain. But I can hurt myself. I think I deserve it. We are both wrong though. I desperately need and want counseling, but it aint gonna happen til I have my privacy again. I dont think thats gonna happen unless I move far away but I can barely leave the house so im screwed. So I feel for you. Maybe im just projecting because im terrible at reading people. Either way I wish I knew the solution so I could ease your pain. Just know your not alone and you dont deserve this. No matter your faults, you dont deserve hate, pain or fear. No one does. We all deserve mercy and grace. Find one little way to love yourself and nurture it. And remember I love you and it hurts me to know you hate youself, so try to smother that self loathing for self love. And I will do the same.

Rubyphoenix profile image
Rubyphoenix in reply to Rubyphoenix

Sorry for the long post with no breaks.its like it just spilled out though

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Rubyphoenix

Ruby I'm so sorry you have been suffering and I am so sorry about your husband. You have nothing to apologize for. Please Please don't cut yourself anymore. Please promise me your new friend you wont. I dont have hardly any friends and i really need you. Im glad you are my friend You have so many people that love you and care about you. You have so much love to offer . You have so much kindness in your heart. There are so many people out there that are mean amd cold The world needs more like you. You have two rays of sunshine that really need you and I need you also.Please be kind and gentle to yourself. You deserve so much happiness and peace. Ruby its really nice to talk to you. I will be looking forward to talking to you in the near future. Are you seeing someone who could help you? Love you, too, sending you hugs

Loving friendship hug
Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Rubyphoenix

Ruby im so glad you were able to see your oldest son again. Im so glad you reached out to me tonight. Could i please include you in my prayers?

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Rubyphoenix

Im scared to leave the house or even going out to the car. When i am driving I can liok at anyone directly anymore. Trigger whenever i see someone staring to hard i clench my hands into little fist

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Rubyphoenix

Whenever people, judge, laugh or criticize me i take it out on myself

Rubyphoenix profile image
Rubyphoenix in reply to Geinki

I understand that feeling. While I used self harm for different reasons than you, I think i too take others negative thoughts and opinion out on myself. Someone once told me it seems like im punishing myself which I denied, but he was right, I just needed it pointed out because it was subconsciously. I feel I was so horrible that i deserved everyones abuse. My sins were so unforgivable I had to take myself out of life. Idk im not in a good place right now. Im shutting down. I cant even get my thoughts out of my head right now, im sorry

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Rubyphoenix

Ruby how are you doing?

Rubyphoenix profile image
Rubyphoenix in reply to Geinki

Horrible, after that last message, I was smoking in my garage trying to decide if i should write a post, and i heard a super loud bang. I live on a busy road and theres been a lot of accidents but this one sounded like it hit the house. My 5 year old was in the house so I panicked. Thankfully she ran out the back door at the same time I ran out the back garage door. But my heart was still racing. We walked out to make sure everyone was ok and went inside because I was still in panic mode. Looked out a few minutes later and the sight of the ambulance and law enforcement vehicles triggered a flashback. Everything is just too much. In the last year and a half I lost a cousin when her ex shot her, my sons great grandmother died from covid, a friend killed herself the same way my husband did, the day I found out how she died, we had to pull my brother off life support(covid), and a few weeks ago, I found out a cousin killed himsef, again in the same manner as my husband,(I never met him but his father is raising my daughter so it still hits hard) and I found out the cousin who named me passed away as well in the same message. Because of my anxiety i couldnt attend any of their fumerals. And the 16th marks the 20 year anniversary of my husband passing. Ive been trying to keep it together but when I add in the unrelenting abuse and my daughter acting out because her mom is losing it and you get me coming undone over an accident where no one was seriously. Both cars were totaled but the drivers both walked away. Im just so tired of pain and fear. Thats all I seem to feel anymore. So so tired. Oh and now my daughters mad at me because the ice cream truck came by and I told her I just couldnt go outside right now. I think I need to go back to bed

Rubyphoenix profile image
Rubyphoenix in reply to Rubyphoenix

I sure hope your day has been better than mine, thanks for letting me unload.

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Rubyphoenix

You and i will stick together in working through this I will always be here for you, hugs to you🥰🤗

Geinki profile image
Geinki in reply to Rubyphoenix

I will be here for you no matter what. Warm hug sent your way. Gigi@💜💕

Geinki profile image
Geinki

Look not liok

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