Having a rough time today, feelings of worthlessness

[WhiteGreyhound]

I'm having a rough time today, and spiraling into those worthless feelings, even though I know that's not logical. I got called to the carpet by a new boss... I started a new job in July, that is pulling me in many directions, to say the least. Without getting into too much detail, I took on a task to go above and beyond the expected, while still managing the many other domains of my position, for the purpose of benefitting those we serve. I guess a few in the organization didn't like the way I took on the task, and complained.

I received a nasty-gram email, demanding a meeting first thing in the morning, along with an update on all of my other projects. I know that i am performing beyond the norm as far as level of organization, commitment, innovation, task completion, in a short amount of time. I feel like I am being totally accused.

My anxiety and depression have kicked into total high gear, and I feel like I am not good enough, nothing I do is good enough, and I am a disappointment. I know that is not logical, but I just can't help my mind and heart from going there. My heart is so heavy. I am so hard on myself. I can't flick that switch off.

Does anyone else feel this way when they get criticized?

[ReneeB04]

yes !!! Struggling with the same feelings. Similar situation except im not good at my job anymore because this depression has me not able to focus as well and causing lack of motivation due to my job being so stressful it makes me just want to give up 5mins into the day. So I feel like a failure basically everyday. I have high expectations for myself as well so that doesnt help any.

[hazeleyescrying in reply to ReneeB04]

I so felt your words and I'm sorry you're feeling all that pain. I quit my job of 8 years because affected my anxiety and depression I couldn't do it anymore. My health was more important. Better days are ahead.. trying to stay poisitve. I started praying to help..

[Alexandra_Elisavetgr]

Hey, I know what you're talking about. It's just there are days like that. I feel pretty tough, too. The first few months at new job are always difficult. Try to pray, go to church, talk to your family, friends. Don't believe those negative feelings. Joy and happiness are far more stronger than being blue or in despair. Think positive

[jessicaajames]

Firstly, I am sorry to hear that you have to face all this despite working hard and going out of your way to good for someone else's business.

Secondly, it is okay to have these feelings. It is a natural phenomenon.

There are always some people in every workplace who cannot see you doing better than them or let you do your things at peace.

So, my advice is not to put any extra effort or energy into a place or on someone who does not deserve it in the first place.

Just do your required work and get paid. The more you care about others, the more you will get hurt.

[WhiteGreyhound in reply to jessicaajames]

Thank you. I appreciate the perspective…. Depression can really warp it… and makes me want to over please or people please to an extreme.

[bowJim]

yes, totally - sometimes extremely more than others. I kind of try to take a check of myself (when I am in control) and reflect on 'I am enough' - just replied to dolphin, we have been discussing critical mind.

My entire life I have sought to be enough, felt inflicted wounds of comments from others, felt the comments were worse than they really are, I believe my actions are a direct result of my thoughts, and at times I have run from the best places, best jobs, best relationships because I felt like you are describing, was it true what I thought No, not always, in fact I know the truth now, it was me over reacting, over critisising myself, I relate to this now with more curiosity than judgement, what if or what this or other.

My understanding is past life events have damaged our nervous system, once this has happened we are on higher alert, the human response fight and flight.

Not sure if you have joined the PTSD forum, some interesting discussions to read here.

WhiteGreyhound my guess is you are enough, you just need to believe it yourself.

best wishes

[WhiteGreyhound in reply to bowJim]

Thank you for the wise words,

[bowJim]

Thanks, I kind have learnt the hard way, had no idea and by no means do I not have the same issues now, just less often since I recieved psychotherapy, I now seem to handle myself better, slightly less hang ups understand myself, I fought for years and would not be where I am now without professional help. Best wishes.

[designguy]

I spent so many years seeking external approval and validation, being a perfectionist and being super hard on myself. I didn't know that life is really an inside job and not an outside one. I didn't realize I suffered from low-esteem and low-self-worth. Many of us were shamed and even punished for exhibiting any signs of being proud of ourselves and trying to stand up for ourselves. The most important relationship we have in life is the one with ourself.

There is a lot of good info on youtube about healing low=self-worth/self-esteem. I also found a program called Break Free by Dr. Bernadette Sewell to be very helpful.

[Against_the_current]

I feel you. Critics can totaly get me off guard. But then i get up again. And If i can, everyone can. Remember what they say of you is not reflection of who you are but of them. Remember nice feedback you have recieved. Give yourself some nice feedback, you deserve it