I just woke up and saw voice messages from my sister and one sounded crying, probably she was just waking up but u never know what this damn family will throw at you and i called her, it's her nameday, and she seemed normal, i asked If everything is okay, i asked If she wants to go to the seaside because i'm wondering whether to go, it would mean not only triggering myself but also having to call my internship Boss to ask If i can give my documents sooner or later. And in this course i would just tell mom i can't, i have work, i need rest, she desided the Last minute, but she will get depressed we don't let her go anywhere and make her go crazier on sis. Or maybe will save her money. But she offerred to go so she must have them. And i don't know what to do, i'm just waking up 😭
mom desided she wants to go to the s... - Anxiety and Depre...
mom desided she wants to go to the seaside, sis sent me messages and i paniced
I can't
I think you need to learn you aren't responsible for the lives of your family, and it isn't your role to try and control them. Their lives are their own as yours is. Try and live your life not theirs. That's the only way you will break out of this kind of thinking.
As If it's easy. Now i gotta feel responsible even when sacrificing myself as i do when i don't
No one said it was easy but it is essential if you want to break out of this vicious circle. Why do you have to sacrifice yourself? Why don't your family?
Time to cut the apron strings and live YOUR life.
...but you ARE responsible for Yourself. What is there to "panic" about??
Mom's reaction and Sister's mental health
It's not your place to control other people's lives - either your mum's reaction or your sister's mental health. They are responsible for this not you. In fact they probably resent your efforts to do this. Have you thought about that?
It sounds as if you have the perfect reason not to go to the seaside: your internship. You just started and you genuinely need to prove that you will show up and fulfill your responsibilities. That's an adult reason that is completely impersonal and has nothing to do with your mom and sister.
Separating from your family is difficult and if your relationships get even more strained, of course that will affect you. So lean on this external necessity — fulfilling your duties in your internship, a very real obligation that you must respect— to say "No" to your family. It will be a first step in setting some boundaries.
And if you do go and melt down, that will set you back and won't help your sister either. Show her that it's possible to forge a new life outside the family.
Whatever. you decide, we're here for you.
Thanks. I feel bad that everyone tell me to not go and prioritize myself but i will go, i called my Boss and she said it's Absolutely okay. And while ppl are telling me i'm sacrificing too much, mom blamed me for taking time to respond
Walking away from family takes its own toll. We can't change ourselves and our need to belong overnight. You have to do what will inflict the least damage on your psyche. And it's important to remember that you had the courage to leave home and go to school and to be proud of yourself for that. Let us know how it goes.
Thanks. I'm scared of mom and sis calling. I'm scared mom might be upset or drunk and sis might be upset of mom and dad's behaviour
How do you think your choices will change once your sister is able to leave home?
Good question. But then i will be scared what she will do alone. Also If sis sacrifices herself and stays there. I'm panicing rn, talked to mom on the phone and am going insane
Remind me how long it will be before your sister can leave. Does she want to stay or go? Maybe the two of you could start making plans for how to handle that time. Do you think making a plan might help you feel better?
3 years. I don't know, she might not want to leave mom alone. And she wants to study abroad but idk If we have money for this and i'm worried
Can you tell us more precisely about what you’re worried?
You have three years to talk with your sister. If she wants to study abroad, she can look into scholarships. Perhaps you could go with her.
But more to the point, the two of you can start, slowly, to begin to consider what you both want to do when that time comes. That gives you three years to continue your studies, to work with your therapist, to continue healing yourself. In three years you will be a very different person than you are now. Perhaps you and your sister can help each other to look beyond this moment, to begin to envision different futures for yourselves, to figure out whether you want to be together when she comes of age or whether you will be stronger apart for a while.
I know just thinking about the unknown can be terrifying, but I think this three-year stretch of time may give you a sort of deadline to look forward to without being too rushed to fix everything right away.
You are a strong person to have endured so much and broken away. I believe you’ll get sll this figured out in time.
Thank you. It's so good to hear i can heal in these years. Hope we make it, it's scary
Yeah, it is scary. I’m rooting for you, though.
Thanks. I'm scared
This was YOUR decision. So, you need to Accept it, knowing You had a Choice, and You Chose. You can't complain about the results now if things don't go well. Hopefully things Will go well though. 👍
Hoping
Just remember... this was YOUR decision, so you will handle things fine, learn, and be stronger for it. No complaints... just Acceptance. Also remember the power of Silence and just deep breathing if people bug you. Your Silence is a great way to "teach" boundaries to others.
Good reminder
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