for nearly 10 years I had absolutely no recollection of the events I am now remembering. I experienced a period of extreme disassociation,high aggrivation and consistent memory loss.
the things that I did are really awful and I'm really bothered by them because it's the opposite of who I am as a person, I don't recognize the person who did these things.
Even though it must be scary or worrying but Its a good thing that you start to remember what happened in the past it means you are healing. You say you have changed for the better which means you are growing as a person . You can use your past as a learning opportunity and try to make amends with the people you hurt in the past . You can't change what has happened before but you have control over what you do now .
The best thing I can do for those I hurt is stay far away. I ruined their lives.
Why can't I snap out of this?
Things got worse somehow, wtf is happening? (rant/story continues)
Who am I ? 
I have the best of my heart to give 
