I just had a major dive in my mental health and it’s my fault. I’ve been doing great after MANY years of severe depression. 20 yr marriage with domestic violence, I was all but destroyed . I was so bad I never thought I’d get better , so I treasure my sanity and any joy . I was finally about to sell house and we were all excited…. Finally felt like we had a future. Late one night a friend I rarely see knocked in the door very upset , her husband had left her , they were evicted and where her and her kids were staying wasn’t good . All but one my of kids are grown so I have spare rooms … hence the reason I can sell . Anyway, after all I’ve been through of course I said stay here . She said all she needed was someone to watch kids while she found a place and a couple of weeks . Money wasn’t a question, her parents were paying for it . So she took over , used me as a babysitter. I’m full time cater for my daughter so I became mentally exhausted. My mental health was diving , I had to ask her to leave ( very tactfully and no dent in friendhio . She had to go as my daughters specialist care is starting at home ( instead of hospital….) I found many really nice places for her , no reference needed , refused to budge , put selling house on hold for her hun by now . Then she asked about my best friend ( male ) . She asked all theses questions about him , his family , his house who lives there …..She asked me to “ hook them up “ it was awkward but she gave me til Friday and said jokingly “or you’ll have to service me “ . What the ?????!!!! I laughed it all off , they hadn’t even met . I told him ,he said are you kidding, no way , but only took a day before he changed his mind 😆. Next day I got a text from her “omg , I met him and we fell in love instantly. Omg I don’t know what’s happening but I’m happy my girls are happy .” He’s an older guy so he was smitten straight away and she’s VERY confident and attractive. Couple days later he msgs me about his new little family and how he looks after them all the time and he’s so happy . He didn’t know she won’t look after them by herself, her Oder daughters were kept out of school to help with the new babies . But somehow this woman seems to make everything make sense . So I wished them all best , knowing I’ve lost my best friend, and she’s as happy as Larry . The truth is I’m cut up !!!! I’m not jealous of THEM I’m jealous that someone like this appears so innocent yet I know her better now and so perfect and is so happy !! I’m a bad person !! Well tonight I had to see her to drop her vacuum cleaner off and when I saw her I told her what I thought, I didn’t want to . I regret it !! Because it’s wrong !!! I let her get to me so much it boilt up and spilled over , she’s so smug .and I lost it like a child . I’ve done this once before , it was ( a dad was giving my son steroids and I lost it ) not screaming, or anything just my true feelings spilled over , he was about to hit me I think but I ran inside , however that sure stopped . Well when I said she can stay I told her that I find it very difficult to be around someone 24/7 , hated having to say that about myself. But she didn’t care ,
I’m really disgusted with myself for losing it , I’ve hit a new low , I’ve lost my best friend and not even looking forward to moving now . I’m not doing great again . I feel awful !!!!! She also put it on my son, dressed up really sexy when him and his friends were over ( he’s 22 ) amongst other things she’s done too . They’ve been together couple weeks now and him and his wealthy family are going on a holiday , they love her too , they barely talked before that . I don’t know , I feel sooooo bad I rarely feel this way. She won’t answer me or my msgs but he just old me to f …. Offff …. .and stay away .
Need to start making decisions 
You COULD say I’m bitter but I call it being safe
Good relationships but I want to leave
Having a rough day...
