Work Advice: To disclose or not to disclose?

[val11]

I was diagnosed about ten years back with social anxiety and also depression and panic disorder. Prior to the diagnosis, people just assumed I was really shy and would get over it. At one point a teacher spent months thinking I didn't know English because I wouldn't speak in class. Once I knew what it was that I was struggling with, I was better able to cope and worked on strategies that helped me succeed with school and work. The question I have is whether I should disclose any information with my bosses. My first job I was able to hide it pretty well, but a few years in I fell into a deep depression and missed a lot of work. So, I quit. The next job was the same thing. I did well the first few years then would regress. So, my third job, I decided to work with HR and set some accommodations and it helped. That was good for about four years, but right after Covid, the anxiety, depression, panic attacks kicked into high gear and I finally told my supervisor about it. She never treated me the same after that. She had very outdated ideas about it and it caused a lot more stress to be in that environment. My doctor placed me on FMLA but when I was about to take it, I was told it would be an undue hardship and if I took the leave that I would be let go. It's my first time on FMLA so I wasn't expecting to not get support. I am now starting a new job and I'm caught between disclosing it, how much I should disclose or if I should disclose at all. Would love any advice!

[Celtic274]

Hi val I commend you for what you've done so far there are two schools of thought about telling your new employer that it's best telling them just incase they find out other wise and hold it against you ! Also if you are or can start treatment for your anxiety and depression there may be no need to tell your employer your not being dishonest by doing this but you have certain rights you may have for non disclosure I wish you all the best !

[Jeff1943]

If it was me I would tell your new bosses nothing. I worked for years with anxiety disorder (a long time ago) and 2 breakdowns but nobody I worked for or with knew anything about it. But it's whatever you're comfortable with.

[Joshgw]

Hi. I struggled with this issue for a long time. There still is a stigma regarding mental health and you don't know who to trust. You think; will they look down on me or will they understand. How will I be treated. After a while, I decided to tell them. I got lucky that they understood and gave me some slack in the office. I also was hospitalized for my depression and missed 4 months of work. But in the end I decided to tell them because mental illness is covered by the Americans with Disabilities act. If you disclose your disease to them, they can't discriminate against you. I also went on FMLA. They held my job for me and I'm back at work.

[Cookie101]

I'm a firm believer in being honest as the stigma surrounding mental health is there because people are not able to see it and understand what it is unless something goes horribly wrong. Then, we all look crazy, attention seekers, etc. It's too late by that point to educate people.Having said that, it is always worth knowing the rules and laws that you have to work under. If you are not protected, you need to be cautious. Particularly during the probationary period as they can fabricate a different excuse to get around the disability laws.

I was honest about my depression and anxiety. I happen to work with a great team who have been wonderful and supportive. Even pointing out when I need to take a break if I'm getting overwhelmed and don't see it creeping in. It hasn't stopped me from having issues with managers. I've often been treated like I just have a bad attitude, and have had to manage myself rather than get support and understanding from my management team. I've now also been diagnosed with Autism and ADHD, it was a 2 and a half year process, that my managers were aware of, they didn't take it seriously until I completed my assessment and had a confirmed diagnosis. Fortunately, I do my job well. I'm not someone who pulls out the disability card at the slightest issue, or accuses people of discrimination whenever I don't get my way. But I also know the law is on my side.

Occasionally it's necessary to change how you work and even say that certain things are simply not possible for you to do. If your managers want to get the best out of you, they will compromise. There is always another way of doing your work. Unions are also worth looking into as if anything happens while you are a member, they can provide support. An extra person to back you up.

Before you make your decision, find out what will happen if you don't disclose. If they don't know about your condition, they could just as easily argue that they would have been more supportive if they had known. It's a complex issue and not an easy question to answer as we all have very different experiences.

I don't exactly have a filter when it comes to that sort of stuff so for me, it's disclose and if they don't like it, the issues it causes are their own fault.

At the end of the day, you need to accept that you will have stressful situations. You will also have to deal with people who don't and are not willing to understand. I even have family who have these attitudes. But you certainly don't need to apologise, or justify who you are to anyone else. Even the most neurotypical person will have baggage. I hate that you even need to ask the question. We are not the issue.

[fauxartist]

It's always a crap shoot to divulge any mental health issues with an employer, it is a job, and we get hired with the expectations of going to work and doing the job. When an employer is faced with limitations from a perspective or recently hired employee, that puts the brakes on a smooth flow of the work process. To feel like they have to put special expectations on an employee isn't what most company's want to deal with unless they are open prior to hiring to accept those limitations or needs of a perspective hire.

I would say in all fairness… It probably would serve you better to seek a job where your issues are not a problem, where your social anxiety wouldn't affect your work because you may not need to personally interact with others, and most of your work is either done remotely or on your own efforts by yourself. Many people have mental or physical limitations but are gainfully employed. It's just all about you finding your niche.... obviously there is a pattern with your jobs not panning out eventually because of your issues, so try something different that would better suit you and an employer.

[designguy]

I suggest finding a therapist who specializes in treating social anxiety and work with them to learn new skills and behavior to recover from the SA. There are therapists and centers that specialize in it and they may incorporate exposure and group therapy and specific skills that can be really helpful. There are also online programs available, I used one from the socialanxietyinstitue.org although I would have preferred in person therapy but there wasn't a specialist near me at the time. Knowing that you are dealing with SA is a big step forward to getting the kind of help you need.

I believe in being honest but I wouldn't open up about it until I knew it was in my best interest to do so and I trusted those I was confiding to. There is still a lot of stigma about mental health and workplace safety issues around it, especially in the US. Also, the size of the business and position could make it more difficult for you. A large company could have backup resources if you take a FMLA where a small or mid-size company might not.

[DepressedDellie]

If this helps, I hope so. For me, I haven't disclosed to my colleagues. In all honesty, it is none of their business and I don't believe colleagues are friends. They are colleagues. Boundaries are important. I decided to tell my manager after taking several days off dur to the depression because I thought it would help her understand why I was away. Ishouldn't have bothered. It isn't that she didn't care but the rules are the rules, and my time off was still challenged, even though I had a doctor's note etc. So, would I disclose again? Nope. They don't need to know.