Any parents of teens w/OCD?

[Crich1982]

Hi, everyone! I’m very thankful for this platform connecting me with others who struggle with anxiety/depression just as I do. I also have a 14 y.o. daughter who was diagnosed with OCD at age 6 and is currently in the throes of some pretty bad episodes lately. She has moments of frustration where she feels so overwhelmed and cries inconsolably when she can’t get her hair just the way she needs it; clothes that she wore last week that she can’t wear this week because they don’t feel just right; major mood swings and shifts at the smallest inconveniences; and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. One day, we were in a store trying on clothes and it took her 5-6 times to put a skirt back on the hanger because it wasn't lined up just the way she needed it to be. The last therapist was not a good fit and she started another new med today. I’m at my wits’ end when she’s like this because I have no idea how to help her when she’s having a meltdown. Idk what to say or do, and I don’t want to make it worse but it seems nothing I say or do helps. I’m stuck in my own anxiety and hopelessness and am just lost. Are there any other parents of teens with OCD out there who can relate and share any insights, suggestions, or hope? Thanks for taking the time to read my post <3

[overwhelmedalways]

Hi! So, I am a parent (of two great kids, 10 and 13, with mental health struggles that are not OCD) and absolutely get the feelings of helplessness and frustration and exhaustion. You're a hero, and don't you forget it.

Second, as someone who struggles with anxiety and OCD myself I would suggest two things, one, breathing exercises like box breathing mid-meltdown, and reminders that she might not be able to control the feelings but she doesn't have to engage with them, follow where they lead. OCD is about discomfort with a specific uncertainty, fixating on the uncertainty, and doing whatever it takes to rid yourself of that discomfort in the moment, even if it's illogical or counterproductive. OCD feeds on your values (to be healthy, to be organized, to be a good romantic partner, to perform well at work, as examples) and acts like an overactive immune system. It's hard to accept that OCD isn't right when it's telling you to fix a 'problem ' that makes complete sense to you as something you should be concerned about.

Which leads to my last suggestion - find her a therapist that specializes in OCD, if you haven't already. The therapy is fundamentally different than for anxiety, and should provide more effective tools, for you and your daughter. The solutions are to build confidence in her ability to be ok in that uncertain place - where the skirt isn't quite right on the hanger. There are some excellent videos on YouTube that give practical advice as well.

Good luck, what you are doing is HARD and you're awesome. Keep at it and I hope you keep figuring things out.