My depression is a wave

[Dot_]

My depression is like a wave and I am tired of it's consistent turbulence. I will go days, weeks, even months of feeling good and content. And then like a usual, my depression resurfaces to remind me of what I'm without. I'm without friends, I'm without the career I want, I'm without a peace of mind.

I want nothing more than to be good with life and to not be upset or hurt by the same pains that always pain me. I need to move on from these pains but I'm scared to do so. I want to go back to school and pursue a masters and to move away from home. Being here is so stagnant. But the thought of failure scares me. But I'm gonna have to do it. I need to and I know I can do it,failure on the way or not

[RemySue]

You can do it! I'm 59 and have learned and done so much that I thought I couldn't since my husband left 11 years ago. It's scary and I've made mistakes and had my ups and downs but I always try. You got this! Even if you just start with one class.

[Stilltrying2]

Don’t be so hard on yourself. Your brain is telling you things that simply are not true. You have value. You deserve to be happy. You deserve a wonderful life. You are enough. I know it is hard when your brain is telling you all the things you can’t do. Try to think about all the things you CAN do. You deserve all of those things you are dreaming of!

[AnxiousSilver]

"I want to go back to school and pursue a masters"

Use that as motivation.

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I get and I am sorry that you have these waves of depression, but at the same time, you have a "dream".

& When you have a dream, it helps to give your life "meaning", which if you have meaning, then it will "help" against the depression. (AKA you probably will still have depression days, but probably not as many as now)

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Here.. I went to school much later in life, (and definitely later than how old you are now) so don't let that be an excuse not to do it.

Don't ever let age be an excuse for why you can't finish school. (no matter how low you get)

Please remember that.

[Dot_ in reply to AnxiousSilver]

You're right, I do have a dream That's what keeps me going despite the moments of being scared or doubtful. I know what I want I and I'm gonna keep things until I get there, or as close as I can get to my dream. Thanks Thanks the words of encouragement!

[Hidden]

They only way to do the things you want is to push yourself. It's hard to do and I'm not saying you can't or won't. Every day is a battle. It just depends if you feel like fighting your feelings that day or not. All we can do is take one day at a time. Just remember you deserve the best and don't settle for less than what you deserve. If people are holding you back then they don't care. If you're holding yourself back then make small goals that will help you reach the big one. I find that helps me so I don't get anxious and quit. There's plenty of days I just say, nope not today, and seclude myself so I don't feel like I have to prove myself. In the end I should do what's uncomfortable because that's the only way I'm going to realize I can do it and know it was worth it. I hope this helps and wish you the best

[Dot_]

Thanks, I like this train a thought, if continuing to push oneself to keeping going no matter how difficult it can be. And that's it's ok to have the bad days in between. It's definitely an everyday battle like you said, but something are just worth the fight