So overwhelmed with anxiety

[Bluesky6]

I’ve been stressed for the last 5 days with some pretty major life stressors. My anxiety is through the roof and I just want some relief. It mainly has to do with my adult kids and work. I think I fixed the work stress but now it’s all up in the air with my adult son and a problem that needs to be fixed. It’s kind of one of those mom instinct moments, when you can see a train wreck happening a mile away. It’s such an uneasy feeling. I have no clue on how to make the stress go away. I have a really crappy family support system

[b1b1b1]

I have an adult son too and I know there can be issues, even though we have a very good basic relationship. If you fee comfortable can you say what the concern is with your son? If you prefer not to that is OK too. Adult sons can be tricky to deal with.

[Bluesky6 in reply to b1b1b1]

It’s a very long story but I’ll try to add the high stress details. He’s 21 and he’s been going through some pretty intense emotional stress himself after breaking up with his gf a while ago. He’s never truly gotten over her. He’s a very responsible kid and is on a good path. My ex husband thought it would be a great idea to pay for him to live away from home closer to the college he commutes to. My son mentioned he wants to have peer support while living on his own. Except he found a small house far away from his friends, not too close to school and just a huge responsibility, kind of house in general. I didn’t have a say in the matter because the lease was signed too quickly. Now I’m finding a million things wrong with the place. First there is a large propane tank on top of his soon too be bedroom. I found it doesn’t meet safety codes and it needs to be moved. The landlord doesn’t seem to eager to do anything, his garage is full of flammable paint cans and 3 large appliances. The backyard has a bunch of brush and old shingles from the roof scattered. A half a month in and nothing is cleaned up. I want my son to be able to break the lease. I’m not sure it can be done without penalties. His father paid the rent.. I don’t care about the money.. I just want my son to be safe. He has a tendency to drink and smoke when times get tough. I just don’t see this as a supportive move for my sons mental well being. Addiction runs in our family and this all scares me to death. I would rather see him surrounded closer to support. This is what’s causing unbearable stress that I can’t shake. I’m pretty sure no one is listening to my concerns, being my ex. I do know I have to let go and I have but I can’t ignore the vibes I’m getting or the safety hazards that I’m hoping will be addressed if nothing else.

[b1b1b1 in reply to Bluesky6]

Can you talk to your son about this and see how he feels? If he is not happy with his living situation maybe the two of you can work on making some changes. Boys of this age can be tough to deal with. They are not children and yet, they are not quite grown up either.

[Bluesky6 in reply to b1b1b1]

I have talked to him about some of it and it was met with resistance and sadness. I think I might have been hitting the part of him that agreed that he was in over his head. I don’t want to step on his self confidence and his ability to handle being an adult.. I just see it as too much to handle. His dad and I aren’t on the same page, so it makes it difficult to say one thing and his father another. We have shared custody and we’ve never been on the same page. I don’t think his father was a good support in helping pick this place, because things aren’t working out so far. Boys are very difficult to parent or should I say guide at this age. I’m glad you understand

[CoderMom]

I am there also, with my adult son. He has his own set of issues and he makes decisions based solely on how he is feeling at the moment, so I hope this time he has really thought out his current plan before he made a rash decision.