Fellow friends, Some days, the strain and pain takes my breath away. My spouse had an ugly separation from their 10+ years of employment early last fall. Since then, despite several interviews with several companies, they have not received any job offers.
My anxiety and depression has reached new highs during this time. I'm the master of fearing the future. And the length of this job search, with no end in sight, feels like a living hell. Some days I feel sad and cry. Other days I'm extremely angry at the universe. Meanwhile, the news of the outside world just keeps getting worse.
What advice can you offer for keeping hope alive that my spouse will find a job? It has been so very long now, I'm struggling to maintain any sort of balanced views of our future.
Written by
32Punch
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Hi 32Punch, I can understand the frustration and fear you experience each day regarding financial security the longer it takes your wife to find a job.The length of her job search may be coming for different reasons. Once people have learned
to work from home or just be home during this pandemic, it's gotten harder for many to
want to venture out of their home again.
Could it be that your wife has some mental block regarding going back to work? Just a thought. Companies/businesses are begging for help maybe not something she is designed
to work at but if money is tight, anything is better than nothing.
It's not good for you to be so stressed out about something you can't do anything about.
This is on her plate and not yours. You're making yourself sick in worrying about the future which none of us have any control over. We have only the Present Moment that we live in.
It's true that the news of the outside world just keeps getting worse but you can't be angry
at the Universe or Fate. Things happen when they happen. Maybe we are all going through a learning experience these last 2 years as tough as it may seem, we can and will get through this if we stay focused and positive that we can and will do everything in our power to win. Good Luck to both of you my friend xx
Thank you Agora1 for your positive thoughts. We need all of the luck we can get as this search drags on and on. I can be angry at the universe and fate but it is like hitting a concrete wall - ultimately futile. I agree with you there.
In today’s world it can often feel like a dark cloud that won’t pass. I’m sorry about your husbands job. That’s a lot for him and a lot for you. You are carrying a heavy load as you try to support him while also battling your own hurt and fears. Here is an article you might consider reading. focusonthefamily.com/marria...
And with the news from the world, I’ve personally had to shut myself away from listening to all the negativity because it can completely break you. Maybe find something positive to read or do each day that encourages joy.
I completely agree. I had to hang up a lifetime of daily newspaper reading last summer when the withdrawal from Afghanistan happened. I realized I was simultaneously horrified, completely numb, and helpless to do anything about the situation. And that was before my spouse lost their job.
Recently I've been reading more online library books for fun as a distraction. Too bad everyone else seems to have the same idea and most of the titles I'm interested in have long hold times.
I actually just found an old internet article that accurately describes the unique challenges foisted onto marriages when the main wage earner loses their job. Similar to what you wrote about the different experiences of each spouse.
We are going through a similar situation with my spouse and his employment. When it all started, it broke me. I had just gotten off meds and finished therapy and then had to start right back again.
What has helped us is setting out a plan. Coming to terms with our worst fears and how to work towards making things better. We have a roof over our heads and a small income now but if it came to it, we would move to a small apartment and cut all extras. It isn’t ideal but it means we continue living and don’t give up.
I am an anxious worrier about the future . My therapist has to constantly remind me that no one knows the future and you just have to keep trying.
I truly hope your spouse find something, anything soon.
Thank you for your response. I'm very sad to hear you are in the same predicament. Ours is compounded by having teenagers, mortgage, and the ridiculously high cost of paying for our own health insurance. Also ageism. Fortunately, my spouse does have income from consulting but not enough to cover all of our bills each month.
I completely broke as well. We already have ongoing, extreme challenges with one of our kids, and with our extended family on both sides.
Today I came across an old internet article about the unique position of the job searcher's spouse. I learned from the article that what I really want is a weekly check in with my spouse and to know that they actually have a strategic plan for how they will search.
My biggest concern now is they don't seem to have a strategic plan to use their (extensive) network to help them find a new job. They have agreed in the past that networking is the most likely way to get a job, but they dedicate almost all of their time to answer listings on job boards blindly. I don't understand their difficulty in persistently reaching out to their network in some kind of organized, measurable way?!?!? Driving me nuts.
Best of luck to you, too. My therapist insists "this, too, shall pass" but I'm having a hard time believing her.....
I hear you, Willow2022. Therapists' words feel like fantasy under these conditions. Are you struggling with panic and anxiety? I went back to my Dr., significantly upped my meds because physical symptoms of panic and anxiety were making it really difficult for me to get through my days. With those greatly reduced, I can now get back to *just* feeling very depressed.
So everything is fine and dandy because it’s *just* depression? Sounds like a breeze. Totally being sarcastic. It’s all hard. I have an appointment Monday and may ask to join my anxiety meds so I can get a clear head and a path forward.
Yeah, I'm being sarcastic, too. I'm already on the max dose of my anti-depressent. A few weeks after the dramatic increase in my med, the panic and anxiety really dropped. I also was started on a type of antihistamine (Atarax) that has a side effect of reducing anxiety. That has helped a lot, too. 💙
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
xx
My story about family, coping with depression, and lack of support
How to cope with depression? 
New phase of anxiety and depression
Depression coping techniques?
Coping with worsening depression 
