Very frustrated being single, a busy working professional with no time for drama or unresponsiveness

[Inspiredwriter]

I'm not really sure how to actually meet other single professionals in their late 20s to 30s. I keep asking people for advice, and I have yet to actually get any really good, practical advice besides being reassured, both by women and men, that I am handsome, and I am a catch.

Here's a bit about me and my situation:

* I'm male, straight, 37.

* I'm educated, Masters, with a midlevel career in my field. It would be very difficult to meet others my age in my field, as I work for the government and we are spread out all over the country (the U.S.). And my line of work, environmental land use planning, is not a major thing in where I live (it is in the Western U.S., but not here).

* I live in the Deep South, in a city with a metro population of approximately 600,000. I'm not a person of faith, nor do I have any interest in being one. Religion is big here, and most communities are church or faith bases.

* I'm liberal, very progressive on social justice issues. Where I live is pretty conservative, but most of the offices at the agency I work at are in conservative and very remote parts of the country. Where I live is considered a pretty prime metro community compared to where most of my coworkers live in the country.

* I am active in about any Meetup or Facebook group I can find with people with similar ages and interests. I'm very outgoing, very social. Most of the other people who are also liberal transplants here are in the same Meetup group as me, and I am very good about attending events and meeting new people.

* The dating scene is not good here, but then again, it wasn't either in just about any other place I've lived and worked in, besides Washington D.C. (where my stay was temporary for only a year).

* I tried online dating, finally had enough of it, quit and am glad I did. Little to no response to thoughtful, well written ice breaker messages, many people weren't active, and the statistics on online dating were so depressing, I am glad to be done with it. Washington D.C. was the only place I lived where either I had good dates with chemistry from online dating or a matchmaking service, and I didn't attract unhealthy individuals (which did happen frequently on online dating).

* No singles support groups here. In fact, no non-faith-based support groups, period. I would have to make a 3 hour drive one way to New Orleans to find these possibilities. None of my friends know of anyone who is single and

* In terms of vibes I project, I am told I do not project the vibe of a single guy. I apparently project a confident, serious vibe, and apparently project the impression that I am in a committed relationship. (!!!!)

* My best success in dating has been with Asian women, and there aren't many Asian women here. I am high functioning on the autism spectrum, and my body language and mannerisms are mainstream with Asian cultures, but not with American cultures. (A friend of mine who is Indian here suggested I try Asian dating sites).

So...being busy, a working professional, someone who does not have time or tolerance for games (part of the reason why I quit online dating, I didn't have the time for it), flakiness or ghosting, someone who is mature and knows what they are looking for and am trying to find the same, where do I start, besides just going out more? I don't have the time for having a real human conversation be the second or third step in meeting that special someone, it needs to be the first step.

I am also dealing with a lot of pain and loss and need to meet others who can help, who aren’t self absorbed narcissists who are apathetic and indifferent to me.

[b1b1b1]

You seem to have a lot of needs and requirements. These may be holding you back. One thought does occur to me though, and that is that you might become a member of a good museum in your city and attend their events.

[Inspiredwriter in reply to b1b1b1]

I have a friend who works at the local museum and I can tell you the people he works with are toxic. And I have never met other millennials who are into museums.

And I don’t think I have a lot of needs and requirements. I am a mature emotionally intelligent, empathetic professional who wants to meet the same. It’s a statement on society, not on me, when that equals a lot of requirements and needs.

I also have to very wary and cautious about who I meet here. I tried a 30s singles discipleship group with a church here and they turned out to be racist. These are educated professional millennials.

[b1b1b1 in reply to Inspiredwriter]

It is objectively very difficult to meet someone you really care about. Sometimes I think the only thing to do is to relax and it may happen when you least expect it. Are there any Asian culture groups in your area. If so, they may have events which you could attend. As to museums, I don't know much about their employees, but I do know 3 millennials who have a serious interest in art. 2are interested in old master drawings and 1 in medieval art. It is a hobby for one person and an educational/career pursuit for the others. Another thought is whether you might be able to transfer to a more northern city where the people might be more compatible with you.

[TrustYourSoul]

So are all of these things causing you Anxiety or Depression, or are you just frustrated because you haven't found that "special someone"?

[Inspiredwriter in reply to TrustYourSoul]

Both.

[Hidden]

I , also think that you need to live in the Northeastern part of the country to find someone that has similar ideas. I understand how you feel, since I live in Arizona, amongst very religious, conservative, racist and ignorant people. I love Arizona, but don't like the people here. I am a progressive liberal, but I am a lot older than you. Since you have your whole life ahead of you, I would definitely consider moving. Professional life is just as important as social life. Good luck to you.

[Inspiredwriter in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! I am considering this and putting in for jobs in Washington DC which I really liked and want to return to. I am from urban Ohio myself, so I’m not from here and don’t want to identify with the predominant culture here for good reason. You seem to be the first person who actually read my post in its entirety.

[Hidden]

I really like to understand what people write when they have a lot of the right ideas and priorities that I have. What I can offer you is my empathy. I haven't figured all of this out yet, either. It's very difficult to find people, anymore, that are unhappy with the current situation in our country. There isn't any more democracy anymore and our country has gone back to the 1950's in their thinking. I find it very difficult these days to make friends.You can email me anytime you are feeling bad about the current situation, if you want, but it won't change things. I have a feeling our country is going into the toilet. How about Canada?

They are pretty progressive and democratic.