... about my husbands binge drinking/ substance abuse and use? Its been eggshells for years and getting worse. When I bring up my serious concerns to him he is immediately defensive/ flies off the handle/ cannot accept what I am telling him
I have tried just letting it go, letting him do this to himself/ make his choices; have tried the route of "not caring" or checking out, have tried discussing when he is sober, have done it all.
any thoughts welcome
Im just so sick and tired of it.
It sounds like you have done everything you can so well done. Unfortunately people won't change unless they want to so he clearly doesn't.
The only thing left to do is to think about yourself and if you can live with his behaviour. If you can then fine. If not you need to have serious think about how maybe it's time to move on. Big decisions and I don't envy you.
Good luck.
Thats is very hard and frustrating as I had problems binge drinking and I have done better, however if he is not ready to quit drinking, he is not ready until the bottom falls out. At this point you have to make a decision whats best for you. This situation will only hurt your mental health and happiness. i TRIED AA and i hated it because of the bible thumpers or the by the book type people, but like I said, if he is not ready to quit, he wont quit.
You need to keep trying if you care even if you leave. Start with how much you care and why. Include someone he trusts if possible. Expect continuing resistance but as they say (or used to) in AA …the seed is planted. There is much more advice online on how to safely do an intervention. First priority is yourself. If his behavior is physically or mentally harmful please get out. That may be the message he needs or you find out you can’t save him.
I don’t agree with “so he clearly doesn't” sorts of responses. It is mean and selfish because it absolves you of caring. At best they choose not to seek help. You would not say that about someone who stays in an abusive relationship where it takes an average of 7 tries. People who work to help never stop trying. Those people are not emotionally tied…It still means you need to take yourself first.
Can you find an alanon group thats not so bible based? I know this is difficult for you, and I hope it gets better.
Al Anon nor AA is a religious program unless a person wants to incorporate it. There are all types of groups in AA to choose from. Al Anon would be the first step in learning how to deal with and understand an addicted person. Once a person learns the risks involved associating with an addict, then the person can make an educated decision on which path to choose to handle the situation. Leaving would be the choice to make for your own betterment. Don’t count on it as a way to get your husband to stop using. I’ve seen people lose their children, jobs, homes and still use. You need support for yourself to get through this. 💪🏼
As was mentioned before Al_Anon might help.As a former heavy drinker I was embarrassed.I think I was afraid to ask for help.Not that macho.honest reflection on my part is I wish someone had been able to reach me and say I was wasting my life.
Unfortunately an addict to anything must realise it for themselves, and want to change it. Until they do there is no helping them.
There is help for you however, see your doctor about some support, but if it is tablets, hide them!
I understand you are Christian, Can your priest or pastor talk to your husband, maybe?
It may come to a point where you need, for your own safety, to separate from him for a while.
Not a nice thought, I know, but I suffered a marriage like that in the past, and it didn't end well.
Cheers, Midori
How do I get through ths?
How do I support my depressed husband?
How Do I Kick The Habit?
How do I make myself do something? 
