I feel so alone

[ImExhausted]

Hi everyone. I came to this site in search of some kind of support. I'm at a point in my life where I've lost everything that ever mattered to me and I have no one left. I grew up getting physically and emotionally abused by my mother since the age of 5. I was bounced around from family member to family member until finally no one wanted to deal with me anymore. I've been abandoned by aunts and uncles who used to support me until I stayed in an abusive relationship and had my kids taken away. I'm still in this relationship and just found out hes been cheating on me with multiple women. I have no where to go and no one to talk to. I used to be a registered nurse but got my license suspended due to a suicide attempt. I jumped out of a car going 50 mph while I was intoxicated and ended up in the hospital where they made me report myself to the department of public health. I'm in therapy but it really doesnt help. All of my friends got tired of dealing with me going back to my abusive ex so they ended our friendship. I have no one left. I could really use a friend.

[jackiesj]

IM EXHAUSTED You are living in 24/7 stress which will break the best of anyone.Good you are in counseling..it show trying.I read the name EXHAUSTED and boy do i get that. it seems to come at all angles at once but it will settle down.Someone had said the 3 people cclosest to you, influence your well being the most.I had to think of that and change around a bit.In resting and not taking on others is strength. If a partner is cheating make sure he hasnt endangered your health. hope this helps, you are not alone.

[Existing]

You will find good support here. Sounds like you are struggling with making healthy decisions for yourself. Let us help you find the strength you need to live the life you deserve.

[thecolorpurple1]

Have you left him? Are you in a safe place now?

[Joshgw]

I'm so sorry to hear your story. It's a great first step that you even reached out. I know it's hard but you should be proud. I too have been hospitalized and majorly suicidal. My wife threatened to leave me taking my 12 year old. Do you see a psychiatrist too? Meds are not a panacea but can be a tool so you can do the hard work on working on yourself. I know it's easy for me to say, but you have to stick with it. Do you get to see your kids. Think of them. Mostly, I'm still alive because of what it would do to him even if my wife left. I tried ECT, TMS and over 20 meds. But I finally have found a new treatment team where I've found some relief. It's a long road, but at least for my kid I'm trying. Concentrate on your kids. We're all here for you. You can PM me if you want to talk.Josh

[Existing]

It needed to be said.

[Agora1]

ImExhausted, you have found friends within this safe site. Friends whowill support you because they care. The worst thing you can do for yourself

is stay stuck. Therapy is but a guide to a new path. Once you are ready to

make those changes, the road will get easier for you. xx

[eant65]

Good morning,

I am in absolute empathy with you and I want to share a story with you that is about myself a bit. I came from a broken home which my parents got divorced and my mother had an illegitmate daughter who is my half sister and left with her when i was a kid. My family never told me this until about 5 years ago and I was shocked. My father passed away in 2013 and my grandmother about 5 years ago and I LOST all my friends due to my grief. I am unable to establish any kind of long term relationship and I have used narcotics and alcohol most of my life to eliminate the pain and emptiness i feel in my life. Since the pandemic I never felt more isolated in my entire life and suice thoughts came back again. However I have not given up, I keep trying to find endless answers and positivity in my life, During my time with my previous therapist who I love, but she retired, We have diagnosed myself with ADD/ADHD, which was an eye opener, and after research, taking ADD/ADHD classes, tests, I recognize the support I need, which also other diagnosis may be needed by a professional, but I feel i got an explanation for my thoughts and behavior. I also belong to the ADD/ADHD support group on this site, which has been great as well. Never give up, there is nothing worse than despair and loneliness, try to find a little joy or happiness everyday, keep yourself busy and especially be honest and open with your therapist. My father, who i love but had a temper, but never was abusive, but when it came to discipline, he spanked us hard and used belts, hot wheel tracks, etc, which has left me from not being touched or at least apprehensive from being close to people.

Try to use all the resources you can to help as I have also found there are live webinars that also provide information and feedback from professionals and others who are suffering. My deepest prayers and best wishes, and if you need any suggestions, feel free to contact me.

[Arymretep in reply to eant65]

Wise words, life is so cruel sometimes, but as you say never give up 👍

[Pug_Power]

Hi, sorry to hear what your going through. I suffer from anxiety and depression but my biggest problem is isolation and loneliness which for me has been worse. You may suffer from monophobia it can be awful at times

[Southernmama2022]

Sweet friend. Let me start by saying how amazed I am with your honesty and willingness to be vulnerable. That is a strength that goes beyond words. I am sorry for the pain you are feeling and the struggles you have endured. I cannot say I know what you are going through because your journey is your’s, but I can say I have felt the loneliness in life. I can also say how much strength I read in your words by the fact you have never given up. One of the hardest realizations in life is that some parts of life are placed on us and we are made to walk through those. It sounds like your childhood was one of those. You however chose to push through, you chose to keep going. The relationship you are still in, there are choices available for you now. What do you hope for yourself in next steps? You shared that you are seeing a therapist. Why do you feel that relationship is not working with your therapist? Is there something you need that you don’t feel is being accomplished? In those moments of broken and loneliness, I want you to realize and see your worth and strength. You are worth so much and ever breath you take is the chance for a new beginning. You are loved… you are valued!