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Anxiety and Depression Support
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I feel so alone

I’m 25 and I suffer with two illnesses - both that have made me housebound, unable to work and unable to meet people. I’ve recently moved so I’m even more isolated. I love my family but when my mother and sister are together it’s like they completely forget about me. I have no one to talk to and when I try talking to my mum I just get the “well what can I do?” I’m extremely suicidal and the way I get spoken to or treated gets me down a lot. My illnesses have brought on suicidal thoughts (I have them all day every day,) depression and severe anxiety to the point I have anxiety attacks daily. I’m at the point where death looks better.

Before I post this please read everything. Don’t judge my family they’ve done a lot for me with my health but I feel extremely alone. I can’t talk to my sister as she has severe depression and snaps a lot. I can’t go to therapy as that would mean having to leave my house which I can’t do. I’ve tried signing up to online therapy but they’ve denied me for whatever reason.

It’s to the point where I’m googling the best way to kill myself. I hate feeling like this.

36 Replies
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Lilrose92, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. If you are having these suicidal thoughts, please call a suicide hotline. You don't have to go anywhere, just talk.

People in this site care about you - even if we don't know you. And many, including me, have had those same thoughts. But we are no substitute for help like hotlines can give.

I think you're in the UK (you said Mum). I'm in the U.S. But I looked up UK numbers:

Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK - local rate)

Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 (UK minicom)

Hotline: 1850 60 90 90 (ROI - local rate)

Hotline: 1850 60 90 91 (ROI minicom)

Website: samaritans.org

E-mail Helpline: jo@samaritans.org

Or here's a website with other numbers:

nhs.uk/conditions/suicide/

Please call. And please keep us posted. I'm here to listen and I've found others here will listen, too.

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Thank you for the advice and help I appreciate it

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You're welcome. We're here to support each other.

Can I ask, are you feeling suicidal now?

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I'm sorry if that is forward. I just want you to be safe.

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No need to be sorry

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Yes I am, I feel it all day every day

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I am so sorry, lilrose92. I have felt similarly before and it sucks. Want to talk about?

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And I know what you mean about family - they love us and do what they know and what they can. And sometimes they can't understand us but it's not because they don't care. It's just they've not been through our situation.

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That’s so true it just makes everything so isolating

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I can understand...

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It might be hard to talk to them about your feelings because they don't know. But if you feel comfortable here, you can and we'll listen.

I also hope you know that I'm not trying to push you away with the hotline number. I just want you to know you are not alone and, like this site, there are resources out there.

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Thank you I appreciate it x

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You're so welcome. We are here for you!!

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Hi there

Sorry to hear you are feeling so bad . I know what it is like with family, it can be difficult . You say you are housebound, that is tough. I’m not sure what your condition is . I am surprised you have been denied therapy, could you try again ?

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Hi I’ve tried like four times and I’ve been denied every time.

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Hi again. I'm signing off for today, but please keep in touch with us. You can message me if you want - I still get messages even if I'm not on the site.

And I see kittykatxxxxx wrote to you, too. We care here!

Sending you a hug.

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Aw thank you I really appreciate it 💓

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Awww I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t judge your family. It sounds like they have mental illness too. It must run in your family. It does in mine too. My sister and I are very close but when one of us is really deep into depression we can’t speak. It’s triggering for the one who isn’t deep in it. Are you on medication? I know about not leaving the house. I can’t either. I go into a big panic attack if I have to leave. I’m very worried about you though with your suicidal thoughts and not having therapy. I’m going to look up online for this app I came across where it should let you do online therapy. Definitely share on here as much as you want. You need support right now. Lots of love and hugs 🤗❤️

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I’m on medication at a high dose but it doesn’t seem to work at all, I still have panic attacks and I can’t say it’s made me feel any happier lol.

Thank you 💓

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Okay I found the app. It’s called Talk Space Online Therapy. It got a 4.1 rating. You get a free consultation and after answering a few questions, you get matched with an online therapist. You also get constant contact with her or him. You should try it!

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Oh ok thank you I’ll give it a go x

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Hi lilrose!

May I ask what 2 conditions have you housebound? I seriously get cabin fever when I don’t get out, so I can empathize with the way you’re feeling. Suicidal Ideation is nothing to sneeze at, so I recommend getting some assistance. Having those thoughts constantly is truly agonizing, I know firsthand. I love my family too and I know they care, but I just can’t get what I need from them. I depend on myself and my higher power for my needs. My family responds better to me when I’m actively helping myself and feeling better. They just don’t understand my disease. That’s ok with me! Helping yourself is empowering and more helpful. The key is a true willingness to get better. If you really want to help yourself, message me and I will help you! Meanwhile, I’m wishing you peace of mind 💐🙂💐

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Hi,

My first illness they suspect severe IBS but my new doctor thinks it might me celiac. My second is overactive bladder. They’ve both ruined my life.

Thank you x

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I’m sorry...thinking of you...

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You and I are a lot alike and I feel your pain and I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, it totally sucks. I’m dealing with a mental illness as well as a physical illness and am housebound as well. I haven’t worked in 4 years. My family just moved 4.5 hours away so I don’t see them much and I live alone....friends, most try to understand but don’t get it so I don’t hear from them much anymore. Suicidal? I hear you and I too think about it but please don’t do it. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but a lot of people do understand and they do care - this site is amazing. I’ve only been here since August of this year and let’s face it, they get it - they understand. You can take off your mask and just be you. Not many people you can do that with. I care and I don’t even know you. We’re all in this together. Cry, cry your heart out. It does feel better. I’m assuming you have a good psychiatrist? If not, get one. I’m on here a lot, reading posts and such but if you ever just want to chat, I can do that. We support each other. Sometimes, it’s all we have. 🤗❤️

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I’m sorry you’re also going through this. Thank you so much, I really appreciate every thing you’ve just said. Sadly I don’t even have friends so I have literally no one to talk to and it gets so hard and lonely.

Sending you love 💓

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I completely understand and it does get lonely .....what everyone here is trying to say is there are professional people you can reach out to but sometimes all you want is that familiar friendly person or a hug - I get exactly where you are. I am at a point where I can’t read due to my lack of concentration so books are out of the question and tbh sometimes laying it all out on the line to a complete stranger can be difficult; especially when you usually don’t talk to the same person every time you call - at least not here. I’m in Canada.

I can tell you, this feeling won’t last your whole life, even though it feels that way now. I’ve lived with anxiety and depression for a very long time but there have been times, many years even when I’ve felt good and lived a good life. I was working FT and even had a social life, so don’t believe you can’t get there because you can.

You have an illness and this is not your fault. You didn’t choose to feel this way. Remember that, sometimes we are our own worst enemy. You are not a failure. You made it here - that’s progress!

Talk soon, Robyn xox

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Thank you for your words of encouragement, sadly I’m housebound because of other illnesses not depression and anxiety. None the less I appreciate your words, take care x

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I’m sorry I thought you had both - depression and anxiety and physical medical issues. I have all of the same issues and am housebound because of them all.

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I do have all of them ? I was saying depression and anxiety aren’t the things making me housebound

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You are NOT alone. Many of us feel dilute to how you are feeling, if not constantly certainly at times when things seem particularly hopeless. If you can’t get to therapy, you might want to try a self help book such as one the 10 best books for anxiety and depression on behaopt.com site. Good luck, and please reach out again before you decide to take your life. I know it seems like the only solution sometimes, but there is always a way to crawl out of the darkness. Best to you...xoxo

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Thank you 💓

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Please don’t take your life. I’m a mother of a son who suffered too and took his life 10 months ago. I and two my daughters are so devastated, he was our joy and ment so much to us. My mother couldn’t handle being without him and passed on 4 weeks ago. I hug you and send my love to you. You are so precious and not alone. Even you have to stay at home (my son also stayed at home most of the time) we all connected, for love there is no borders.

Please stay alive.

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Hi,

Thank you for your kind words, today has been super tough on me and it’s made things even worse because of what’s happened.

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. If you ever need someone to talk to I’m only a message away.

Sending you love 💓

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I wouldn't judge your family. You never know what someone's going through. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always here for you. Please know that you're not alone. You have a lot of great support here. <3

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Thank you x

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