It's heavy right now. East europen survival diaries of a young adult

[Against_the_current]

The saga countinues. (They could do a Netflix series on my posts 😅). It's hard to live on your own whith anxiety and depression and ptsd and a pandemic and a war. Doing groceries is a whole adventure. Going out in the cold, in the crowded supermarket, agoraphobic. Everything got twice the price and twice less quality. The salespeople are really rude. My stepmother used to hate on my home city and say here staff was much friendlier. What a bs. In my home city the supermarket is on a better place, here i have to cross a river. In my home town the cashier would say "nice to see you again, sunshine, do you want a bag? Let me arrange your products for you". Here they're mean, they ask me "How much is 200 grams? " (happened multiple times, it's not accidentaly). Like you have a mesure device there, just use it, how can i know? And i be staying there like an idiot. They just throw everything and you have that heart attack social anxiety moment when you have to get your stuff in your bag while the whole queue is staring at you, the cashier is scolding you because you didn't get your products out of the basket, meanwhile the lane was taken by some kids (see, i'm not insulting 😅) and she just blew out at me, i just said sorry, she doesn't even know how bad social anxiety i have, and getting a bag myself and preparing my money and seeing the price... My stepmother was wrong. Just hating.... What an adventure is doing groceries. But anyway seeing the price, i'm just grateful i don't have to hunt seaguls and pigeons. Like the meme "my ancestors who had to hunt watching me get anxiety over groceries". But in my defence groceries is wild espessially in east europe, espessially in times of a war and pandemic. And everyone is so depressed and mean. Probably someone was mean to them then they're mean to the next. The cycle of misery continues, the clouds are thick and no kindness sparks. Even If it does, it gets suffocated. People are ruined and abominated. Espessially here. I'm trying to clean my room but my roommate scolded me for opening windows because electricity is expensive and it's cold. I am trying to take care of myself and my household, groceries, laundry, cleaning the mess i live in (my room is a total mess). I'm trying to take care of myself and it's hard. Espessially that during the week i was having classes, struggling. And i had to do it now. Untill now great. Survival, not a big deal. Really, i'm talking like it's terrible but the worse is that my mom wants me to book a vacation for her, sis, Grandma and me, and at the same time mom doesn't want to talk to grandma, nor to me, nor to search for hotels. Okay, i did this for her. Called a girl from my class who works in hotelkeeping, she found me the best hotel in the country, the best hotel. I caused her so much work and now i feel bad and i feel like i owe her, and mom doesn't care. And then i called granma and she told me she's at work april. And i was like "why didn't nobody tell me?!". Turns out she told mom, mom just didn't listen. I called mom again and she said "well, maybe we will go may". Me and sis have school at may. Ahhjjjjkwersj. Again granma is more important. Ahhhhhhjjjjjkwwr. And my class ate, i caused her work and mom will cancel. Ughfddguyhkugvxfghjhv

Meanwhile i have to clean here. The washing mashine sounds like a helicopter. I'm watching cartoons and drinking orange juice cause i'm tired of these respobilities and i should stop surviving on ramen noodles. I'm trying to be more responsible and buy more nutritous food (before it gets more expensive than diamonds) and trying to clean and do chores. And i'm trying my best but mom (and stepmom) do too much emotional damage.

Thanks for listening

[Blueruth]

You have strategies available to you that might help you gain a sense of control.

Two years of pandemic then inflation and now war. It takes effort but realizing that your community has been going through this stressful time too… it is a good time to be extra forgiving of public facing workers. Believe me… you will get a smile back and it will make your day easier. Given your proximity to Ukraine what is the likelihood someone you speak to has relatives there? Instead of getting upset over the same tired question find a joke. Nothing sarcastic. Practice it if you need to.

For your relatives… start passing group decisions to them. If they don’t decide you do it and let them be them. You are taking it in their emotional baggage. Their reaction isn’t your responsibility. I’m not even sure why the hotel research is on you.

For example , In the case of hotel… get a 3 options and create a survey. If they ignore it choose. That’s it. Doodle is an app that might be available to you. Otherwise google has a survey. Let go of any whining they might do. You gave them a chance… take it leave it. And that is what you tell them too.

Cleaning: my weakness too. Don’t worry about doing everything at once and then stressing because in a week it will need the same effort. Recently I started making my bed. The rest is disorganized and the kitchen dishes are all dirty. But my bed is made. There is a sense of accomplishment. Choose that or something else.

You can do the same thing for your diet. Apples are my go to. They are not as expensive, you can add nut butter, egg, chicken for protein or throw them in a salad. They are fast food. They last a long time in the fridge. They are filling. Choose one thing to start. Beans are another equally good option.

[Against_the_current in reply to Blueruth]

I'm trying. Mom putting this responsiblities on me made me have difficulties with my own. I'm not blaming her or something but it's hard for us. Idk probably she has some mental issue that makes her unavailable to do some things as do i. I'm replying weird but i'm just really fearful right now

[Blueruth in reply to Against_the_current]

Moms have extra strong holds over us because they know us from the beginning. But as you grow up you must exert your independence. That may hurt her feelings but she had to do the same thing. My cousin went through something like this. She wanted to and didn't move because her mom had a hard time taking care of herself and she used to guilt her into being available. I still don't agree with that decision. Now that her mother has passed she feels able to move but so much of her life was waiting. I do understand how big a task it is to stand up to your mom. I just feel like both of you (my cousin and you) need to live your best life. Coincidentally i just told her that yesterday!

[Against_the_current in reply to Blueruth]

Absolutely same. I just feel so guilty

[Against_the_current]

I was kind of proud that i managed to do the chores and that i had the desire to. It's really eye opening to live alone for a while. But then my roommate arrived and pointed some mistakes that i have. Food that i forgot the Last time. The bin i made full. And i'm so mad at myself. How could i forget it? How could i make so much trash? She must think i'm relentless and want to move out. She probably thinks i'm lazy and don't care. I actually told the other roommate to eat what's left from me. The Last time i left, it was really painful and so. But should i go tell her this? She scares me like my mom. And how could i forget😭

[Blueruth in reply to Against_the_current]

Are you ADHD? You could tell her. Also come up with ways to remember that would ease her mind and make you more efficient. The most important thing is to communicate... not tell her to do anything but talk about what would make you both more comfortable.

[Against_the_current in reply to Blueruth]

I probably have adhd but here they don't diagnoze adults and meds for adhd are illegal 😢