Paranoid

[1947treble]

I have schizoaffective disorder. Me and my wife are going on a trip to meet up with my sister and her husband. I'm playing it off so far with my wife, but I'm really freaking out. Spanning on 4-5 years ago I had a very serious paranoid break. I never get paranoid that someone will go after me, but I get intrusive thoughts about bad events, usually that people are dying, specific people. It was mostly resolved for 3-4 years, except for a lone thought or two. It came back today. I'm worrying that my sponsor is going to die, she's been my closest friend for 5 years. I'm even imagining crazy scenarios that will never happen. Like if someone uses a gay or racial slur, I freak out and punch them in the face, and then get arrested. I'm thirty and have never been in a fight my entire life. Just bonkers shit. I'm obsessing really hard and there's a lot of specific fears I'm not mentioning. This is horrible timing, how can I be good company on a special and exciting trip when I'm doing my best, but probably weakly, to resist and fight my greatest fears for the first time in years?

[Arie11e]

What are some things that have helped you in the past when this has happened? Have you tried thought stopping? Meditation? CBT?

[1947treble in reply to Arie11e]

It usually goes away on its own or I go to extremes to distract myself. But you asking reminds me that grounding used to help, so I'll start practicing that. I have a few things that calm me down, like watching art videos- painting timelapses or any art videos that have music instead of talking. Its helpful that you reminded me to think of that. It's been a couple years since it's happened so I find myself scrambling and not remembering how I tolerated it before.