Today is a new day

[DiamondNTheRough]

I’m feeling a bit better today. I’ve stopped crying. My mind is racing thinking of what I need to do next. I think that I have some good plans. But I can’t make any firm decision on one thing. I do know that I want my mind to stop racing.

[DiamondNTheRough]

Thank you peacelove12345 Kinda at work now. I work graveyards.

I had an interview today for something I really don’t want to go back into but the pay is awesome more than I’ve ever had. But I don’t want to leave my job now. I’ve been offered a promotion. Well the position I stepped down from in October. I love my boss not so much the company. And I love the leniency that I have here. And last time I left I was back in 3 weeks.

This past weekend I finally spoke my mind to my roommate/best friend of 20 years/ex…. I feel used she’s not there for me like I’ve been for her. And I expressed this. And was basically made to look weak. Now I feel isolated in my own home. Her kid which I’ve known since he was born will barely look at me. She’s talking shit to an 8 y/o about me. I can’t even play with the dog anymore. I want to move. I haven’t been on my own in forever since in my 20s. I’m scared I won’t make it. I figure I have nothing outside of work so if offered the other job just take both. My job now will be very flexible for me. I just want to move out and start on making myself feel better. But not sure if I’m actually going to cause harm burn out or one job not work can’t afford my bills and yeah now here comes the bad thoughts. Lol I sometimes talk myself out of blessings. And I make regrettable choices like I did in October.

[DiamondNTheRough]

I do seem to move forward in phases and then back track. I’ve been emotional attached to this person for years. I will say she’s a good mom. We all handle some situations poorly. But I was really floored when faced with some questions from an 8 y/o that was so far from the truth.

I am deciding to take on 2 full time management positions. Am I crazy thinking I can do this. But I truly think that I can. And it will help me I think just to fill some of the loneliness. Maybe I can meet a friend at the new place? I really miss having a girlfriend to talk to. Miss having anyone. Last year I reconnected with an ex from 23 years ago. But we were so young then. We were strangers now but we’re both lonely and tried to force it. And I let her put negative thoughts in my mind so I stopped trying then I got scared to have to share my life when I’ve been alone for so long. Sorry for being everywhere. Thank you for always responding and asking how I am. How are you?