I had a terrible day today.

I wasn't going to vent anymore on here. My parents and family are just so toxic to me. I was going to send a couple personal messages to people but I just can't. I hate my life, I wish I was dead. I don't want to live like this anymore. I know some other people on here are really having a rough time too, and my heart goes out to you.

[Hidden]

You’re so loved💕 Please don’t hurt yourself . Many people care about you and want to help you! It’s hard dealing with toxic family but please know you’re not the only one! You’ll get past this ! Praying for ya 😊

[Iammesues]

Yeah family can cause major pain and hurt. Can you distance from them?

[Hidden]

This is exactly the right place to vent. That is one of the reasons it is here. We need to vent on each other. We care about you and about what you are going through. We are all fighting the same enemy. We really are in this together. We are with you, Googoodollsfan14!

[You_Are_Loved]

I am so sorry.. it’s super hard to deal with a toxic family but it’s okay to vent and talk about it. It helps so so much. But please don’t hurt yourself or do anything bad, we are here for you and there are people who love and care about you even if you don’t know it. If you’d like to talk, you can talk to me! Or if not reach out to someone. I hope you feel better 💜

[Rosalia1]

I’m so sorry it’s crazy!!!! I have the exact same problem with my family and I feel the exact same way so if this makes you feel any better you’re not alone at all sucks so now it gets dark early I suffer from depression and anxiety medications don’t help but I have a bad neck a bad back I need surgery and I lost my husband four years ago and I have a daughter that I need to be here healthy for

[Rosalia1]

I’m so sorry it’s crazy!!!! I have the exact same problem with my family and I feel the exact same way so if this makes you feel any better you’re not alone at all sucks so now it gets dark early I suffer from depression and anxiety medications don’t help but I have a bad neck a bad back I need surgery and I lost my husband four years ago and I have a daughter that I need to be here healthy for

[Hidden]

Thank you all for the support. I'm getting tired of talking about things. I can talk till the cows come home, the situation never changes. There's nowhere to run. No matter what I try to do, I end up back with the family. I need to be able to support myself, I can't seem to do it and I hate them. I've been in other living situations that haven't been good. I will never break free.

[Hidden]

I’m sorry you’re in that situation. I have toxic family too. I can’t imagine living with them. Even though I’m completely alone and have no friends, I think it would be worse to live with any of them. Don’t give up on trying to be on your own. I moved across the country because it was more affordable. Maybe you could check out different areas that might work better for you. Online searches might give you some ideas of what to do. I google all kinds of things. I’m so thankful for the internet! I don’t know if that will help but I hope you find a way to be in your own. Don’t give up trying!

[Iammesues in reply to Hidden]

I admire you moving away to find peace

[Purrsona]

Vent away! You deserve a place where you can express yourself freely. Things will change, no bad situation is forever.

[Hidden in reply to Purrsona]

Unfortunately, this does feel like forever. I've been surviving on disability and I need to get off of it. My parents want to establish this trust for me when they die, which is nice but I'm tired of hearing them arguing about it, and one of my sisters would have to have the money in her name so I'd have to constantly be begging her for it if I needed some of it. I'm sick of all this crap, I hate being around all of them, I just want to get my own career going for myself, but I'm 50 now and no one believes I'm capable of anything. My dad harasses me and he's a total narcissist who has all the money and control, and my mom enables him and doesn't protect her kids from him. I get treated like crap from all of them and then they tell me I should be grateful for them. Why am I the crazy one? They're all really sick people themselves. I hate depending on them. I just get kicked around by them. Then they try to tell me that the way I see things is wrong, they gaslight and minimize and put down what I see as my crazy reality. My dad is behind everything. He's so cruel and nasty. The only way I'll get away is if I commit suicide. Then they'll be happy I'm gone and they can all enjoy more of his fucking money.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You don't need them! There are plenty of people on disability that survive all on their own. It might not be a great life but anything is better when you're at your wits end. Your family has power over you because they think you need their help. There are a lot of resources out there to help the disabled. Seek them out in your area. Google "help for disabled people". (I found a lot of websites that way). Try to pull away from them emotionally. You can't allow someone else to make you feel like your life is not valuable. You are valuable! You offer a lot of support to others including me. I feel helped when I read your replies. I am almost 50 too and I have no one I can rely on except myself. You are stronger than you think. You just have to convince yourself of that!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for caring so much about me. I've already tried to get various help, it bottomed out on me. I do need my family, but it's a rotten situation. I feel so helpless.

[custardpie in reply to Hidden]

I'm 50 too, have toxic family, I live on own on disability - mental health problems, I admire you too for moving away, it's what I want and desperatly need to do, have to decide where to move too. I have a codependant twin sister which drives me insane to add to the mix, I say to her she has to lead her own life get her own support, friends, she's followed me before when I moved and moved herself to be by me, my mum and aunt have always never wanted us to get on in life, been narcisstic witches, I need to make move I'm scared though. If no friends now, I have stopped contact with friends I had as realised they don't respect me, I have tended to attract narcisstic types in my life instead of lovely people. It's so important to me who I'm around, I keep trying but I'm broken. It's a relief to read others in same boat as me with toxic family.

[Purrsona in reply to Hidden]

I am so sorry. That sounds horrendous. I sympathize with the "why am I the crazy one" sentiment. If you're self-aware enough to admit being depressed, you're probably more well-adjusted than a large number of people who refuse to recognize their own problems.

What's the career you want?

[Hidden in reply to Purrsona]

I feel so beaten down that I can't answer that in a focused way. In my 30s I tried going back to college, but I never ended up with any degree. My passion is music. I'm sorry, I am so sad and bitter and I feel hopeless about everything. I know that's no attitude to have to get any kind of job. I recently applied for a basic part time job, I am just a mess these days. I am trying to make an appt. to start seeing a therapist. I just want to escape, and I know there is no escape. I just seem to go in and out of psyche wards like a revolving door, it's hellish. I don't know what I'm living for. Someone should just humanely kill me.

[Purrsona in reply to Hidden]

I am so sorry for your situation and how you're feeling. I'm really glad you are looking for a therapist and I hope that will help guide you in a direction that's more fulfilling. Do you play music now?

[Hidden in reply to Purrsona]

Hi, I listen to all kinds of music and I can play the guitar and the piano, but not really well. I'm actually doing a lot better today, I got out of the house for a long time and I'm scheduled to see the therapist this Wednesday, and I applied for another job. I will be all right folks, I'm feeling more hopeful and I'm not thinking all these morbid thoughts anymore. My parents are still the way they are but I'm trying to have a different perspective. I will be okay, thank you for the support!!!☺

[Purrsona in reply to Hidden]

I'm so glad!! And great you found a therapist, that's wonderful. Good for you!!

[florapeace]

I feel the same way... I’m sorry 😞

[Hidden in reply to florapeace]

I'm doing better today, my moods go up and down. Sometimes certain things or people trigger me. Thank you for caring!!!

[custardpie in reply to Hidden]

Yes I'm the same with being triggered! It's a shame i've only just seen these posts it was 5 months ago, sending good vibes everyone😍 this forum is good to read for me right now

[mvillarreal]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through these rough patches with your family. Please don't hurt yourself, though! We're here for you. If you start to seriously contemplate suicide, please call the Suicide Hotline or 911. What kind of things does your family do?

[Hidden in reply to mvillarreal]

I'm doing better today, thank you for caring!!! My family won't change, I just have to change my attitude.

[mvillarreal in reply to Hidden]

Glad to hear you're doing better! If you feel okay with staying in relationship with your family, that's great, but if it becomes too toxic or abusive, always remember that you reserve the right to cut off ties with them if that is what you need for the sake of your mental health and peace of mind.

[VDC1]

A negative relationship or any kind of codependency can really tear you down. I think it’s better to have no relationship at all than a negative one, no matter if it’s family or not. Some people just need to be cut out or your life

[Ladybug9]

Please send personal messages whenever you need to. You are NOT alone!

[Hidden in reply to Ladybug9]

Hi, how are you???? I'm doing better today and feeling more hopeful, just went through a rough weekend!!! I'll be all right, thank you for caring.

[Ladybug9 in reply to Hidden]

Do you want to share your rough weekend? I'm here to listen. It doesn't matter what I"m going through. We are all here to help one another!