How to be less selfish

[Poodlefanforlife]

I feel like I talk too much about myself and complain a lot. It’s a terrible habit. I have social anxiety and a hard time holding convos.

How do I become aware of it and stop?

[Agora1]

Poodlefan, one of the ways is in not talking about ourselves and ourproblems. When we do, it makes us more anxious as we go over our

issues. Before long, we are hyperventilating or even holding our breath

while talking.

To help in turning our social anxiety around, try putting the attention on

others. When they ask how you are maybe say "pretty good" and ask them

about their family, children or work. It's amazing how people do like to talk

about themselves taking the pressure off you.

While they are talking, you can be breathing slowly pulling your shoulders

down away from your ears. Smile and listen intently, this will give you the

power of control over your emotions. xx

[AnxiousCanadianChic]

How to make friends and influence people is a great book! I suggest making a list of things you can complement people on and also a list of things to ask people about themselves. At first you’ll have to remember to do it but the more you do it the easier it’ll come. Just try to keep it in the back of your mind not to focus just on yourself, get to know people and ask them about themselves. People LOVE compliments, there is always something you can complement (usually lol). I go to karaoke and always compliment good singers or maybe someones dress or shoes etc.

[fauxartist]

I found I had to get out of my own way and do stuff for others willingly. When we get out of our own head and help those that need help like at soup kitchens, food banks, daycare for working parents, or for the elderly who just need someone to talk to or listen. Not only is it rewarding, but it builds character and empathy for others.

[Hidden]

You may be codependent. I do the exact same thing and have anxiety but once I get back on track with my recovery I stop complaining. There are a lot of resources on the internet to see if you are codependent. If it’s something you decide to work on, Melody Beattie writes severalBooks on the subject. There are also 12 step meetings which are free. You can find this on the CoDa.com website. Good luck!

[Poodlefanforlife]

Oh virtual and in person communication skills are very different lol.