Financial anxiety

[Nizdays4623]

I've been working my butt off for 5 years to get to the point I'm at financially, but now trying to grieve my grandmother and work a 40 hour a week job is a struggle... I only NEED to work 24 at my current pay to make sure my bills are paid. But it's really hard missing any hours and not taking a blow to my mental state. Which is a whole different ball game, because while I struggle with not having time to take care of myself, I can't convince myself to stop taking a hit every time I miss a few hours of work to make that time for myself. I had to take 45 minutes off last week for a therapy session and then another 4 to go see my grandmother. I don't regret either but I still am having a hard time seeing my pay stub and knowing just how much it usually is v.s. what it is just having missed 4.75 hours. I'm making myself anxious that I won't get to see my grandmother again but make myself anxious about loosing time at work too.. my boss is okay with me leaving early, my fiance and mom both encourage it for these things... But my own brain fights me so hard no matter what choice I make.

[AdamFCastillo31]

Yes, you are absolutely right. I am sure you have done all these things. Counseling is actually the best treatment method to deal with depression and anxiety. You shouldn't lose hope keep trying it along with coping strategies, I am sure it will work for you.You are a strong person, you can beat your problem just keep trying and take emotional support from your surrounding.

as it is much needed to deal with these types of mental health issues.

best of luck.

[Arkus]

I suggest you think about the positives you have in your life. You are young, have a supportive fiancé and mother, and by the sounds of it boss as well. Your job is accommodating and you are getting financially ahead. You have so many good things in your life. The anxiety and depression is a problem, but with medication, counselling and effort on your part I am sure it can be managed. Relationships are very important and your grandmother seems ill, so I would put yourself and your own needs on hold for a while. If you don’t, I can foretell you will be feeling bad about not seeing her enough in the future. Also, think about the effect your mental health is having on those around you. How do they feel when you can’t cope with life’s stressors?

[Nizdays4623 in reply to Arkus]

Honestly my fiance and mom have had a lot of conversations about this. I try to keep it from affecting them but in the long run, it's going to. I do have a lot of positives in my life, and try not to guilt myself for still being anxious and depressed despite them. My boss is some-what supportive during this stressful time, but he's also a big stressor. It's taken me a long time to separate myself from the stress he causes. And to ignore him when he's being less than compassionate.I worked out the financial figures in hopes of lowering the anxiety of feeling like I NEED to be at work 40 hours a week and have even considered talking to my boss about lowering my hours for now because work is slow. It feels more intense sometimes because my fiance and I work together and so often when one of us is out, we're both out. So it's 2 paychecks affected. Likewise we're the only employees. We make costumes for the entertainment industry so it's not like an essential service. I worked at a grocery store during the major parts of covid restrictions and I sometimes feel that weight still affects me. And I'm working on undoing that.

My grandmother deteriorated very quickly, but is stable. I'm trying to make it a bit more of a priority to see her and spend time with her. While also trying to maintain the daily things for my household so my mom can focus more on being there with her mom and managing the responsibility of being her executor. So I'm trying to find the balance of things. While still focusing on myself because I've put myself off for quite some time in an effort to get to this point of being able to not work 40 hours to afford to live and undoing that lifestyle of survival is difficult. I live very frugally which is the main reason I'm able to not work 40 hours. The effect my mental state has had on my family is the main reason I've joined this support group so that I have a space to talk and get these things out because sometimes my family doesn't fully understand the mindset I've been in to get here and they were able to flip that "gotta work all the time gotta exhaust myself to get there" switch easier than I am. They both have no issue spending money or time on the things they want but I feel I guilt myself and pressure myself a lot still. It's a work in progress, and I know it's not an overnight fix.

[Arkus in reply to Nizdays4623]

You seem to understand your situation and doing the best you can. Time passes, life changes. The problems of today are forgotten and new ones appear. If your family has a different attitude to money than you, you should separate yourself emotionally, or physically, and live your own life. I wish you the best to get through this difficult time in your life.