Trauma changes us permanently.

[secrets22]

Trauma permanently changes us.This is the big, scary truth about trauma:there is no such thing as “getting over it.”The five stages of grief model marks universal stages in learning to accept loss,but the reality is in fact much bigger:a major life disruption leaves a new normal in its wake. There is no “back to the old me.”You are different now, full stop.This is not a wholly negative thing.Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy.The goal of healing is not a papering-over of changes in an effort to preserve or present things as normal. It is to acknowledge and wear your new life — warts, wisdom and all — with courage.

[hypercat54]

Great post secrets. You don't 'get over' anything traumatic in your life no matter what it is. You have to go through the stages of grief in order to be able to move on though. Moving on doesn't mean you forget and it always stays with you and becomes part of you but it doesn't mean the changed you can no longer live a good life.

This struck me most when my father died. I literally felt like the world had shifted a bit and knew I would never be exactly the same person again. It was a very strange feeling.

I have been through lots in my life, some good and some bad and it does leave a mark on you. I can usually tell someone who has and I call us the walking wounded.

[fauxartist in reply to hypercat54]

Great response Bev... very true

[Lve2dance in reply to hypercat54]

And we are also warriors ⚡

[hypercat54 in reply to Lve2dance]

Yes 👍

[Lve2dance in reply to hypercat54]

I tell people I don't want pity... Maybe Just empathy.. I have crohn's since 12, I'm 45 now... I had 2 pseudoaneurysms and only one working artery to my brain now.. Other has coiling and inclusion.. I have to drink a lot or possibly kidney stones.. Had a few times.. Plus blood pressure crashes.. So drink for that.. But I am a survivor 😎.. I have a job I love.. Awesome friends.. My beautiful people here.. 💋

[hypercat54 in reply to Lve2dance]

Bless. We all have our own trials to bear and our pain whether physical or mental to deal with. I can relate to you. Take care.

[Lve2dance in reply to hypercat54]

I have to hide it like I am ashamed from people I am dating.. The person I started to date asked questions.. But there is never a good time to bring up any of it.. Since I am healthy right now fortunately I don't have to talk about it.

[hypercat54 in reply to Lve2dance]

Never be ashamed of what or who you are. It's not your fault. I agree it's difficult to talk about when dating though. I wouldn't tell casual dates but if you find someone you think could be a lot more than that then I would say something. Ok not the whole lot at once. Just mention it casually after you have seen them a few times, but don't wait until you are completely involved with each other.

If they want to know more then tell them a bit more as and when. Gauge their initial reaction and play it by ear. That's my advice anyway.

[Lve2dance in reply to hypercat54]

Definitely. I was with someone for a while in the past and My health wasn't great.. I had to go for a neck sonogram to check my artery after my surgery.. I was concerned.. The person said that he no longer had a connection to me and bye.

[hypercat54 in reply to Lve2dance]

Sorry to hear that. The right person will be fine with it so keep looking for your prince.

[Lve2dance in reply to hypercat54]

😁👑

[fauxartist]

The scientific explanation of this is that when you have experienced a trauma that is to such an extreme that your memories of it are based deep in the limbic region of the brain. This is a very primal area of the brain structure, and when damaged, it does not just go away over time. PTSD, CPTSD, mental injury, etc. leave scars no one else can see. And even though, as you said, the five stages of grief help with the initial phases of learning to live with this trauma, we always feel those scars when triggered.

And your right, this isn't something you just 'Get Over', or can 'Just let it go', or; 'just don't dwell on the past and move on'. The best we can do is recognize our trauma for what it is when it surfaces, and deal with it at the moment. We learn that this doesn't define us, it's just a part of us... and yes.... it is the new normal. Just like how the world is dealing with this health crisis, it will never be the same for a few generations to come as our whole way of living has changed.

[Hidden]

No you don't get over trauma but you learn to live with it over time.

How are you and the dogs getting on?

We are fine here and looking forward to our weekend away in Swansea leaving this Friday and coming back on Tuesday afternoon.

Today myself and my sister in law went to the city centre which we both enjoyed to do some shopping and a chat and visited the bank to change a standing order and bought the train tickets for Swansea for Friday and had a great walk around bute park.

On Monday I got accused of not having paid the rent by the letting agency and I had and I had felt really cross so sent them proof that I had paid the rent and this happened back in December as well!

If I genuinely hadnt paid it I wouldn't have felt cross and with December I had forgiven that as anyone can make a mistake but Monday was ridiculous and they said they were going to ring me when they had found the rent which had angered me as it was a power grab!

Yesterday I wrote a letter of complaint to the manager of the agency and said if there's any more nonsense I will report them to Rent Smart Wales and the property ombudsman and if there is that is what I will do!

They did ring yesterday afternoon to say yes the rent was there but it had gone in the wrong account and I had asked for it to be in writing that yes the rent had been paid and they e mailed me to confirm yes it had which I was ok about!

[secrets22 in reply to Hidden]

my pupster family are keeping me well adjusted,without them i would be in a right old mess.xx

[Hidden in reply to secrets22]

Baby is well and looking forward to her 18th birthday in April!

[dolphinluvr1977]

Have you seen the short film "The Wisdom of Trauma"? You can go to thewisdomoftrauma.com and then they'll ask for a donation, but you can just say donate what you can and not donate if you can't afford anything and then watch the film. It is some great insights and work the doctor is doing. I suggest checking it out. Just a suggestion for anyone on here.

[Hidden]

i try to tell this to my family over and again and support others that endure such familes......they wait til we wake up ......clueless and insulting great post...

in honor of dear freinds who must endure here

wish they knew....they were nt alone and how devoted we all are here in our family of famly

[Lve2dance]

Definitely 😁. Plus getting through everything on the other side of it, you realize that you are stronger than you give yourself credit for..