so much yelling...

[coolkitty1934]

everybody is yelling and fighting i cant block it out i am having an anxiety attack and i feel so guilty i feel like the fighting is my fault and my chest is starting to hurt i dont know how to make it stop!I just want all the constant fighting and tension to go away but its not going away and its all my fault..i should have acted better but instead i was acting like a jerk and put stress on my family if only i didnt exist then none of this constant fighting would have happened...but even if i die it wont change anything the fighting will still keep going because the damage is already done and i know they care about me and dying would only hurt them but being alive is hurting them too i feel stuck like no matter what i do i will hurt people.why do i have to be such a horrible person?!

[Shnookie]

Hi it’s Shnookie. I’m here 4 U. Let’s PM. I’ll contact U now.

[coolkitty1934]

i know they care but i feel like if i die it will hurt them and if i live i hurt them so i end up hurting people either way and i feel stuck...

[coolkitty1934]

but this has been happening for years...

[Darklight_465]

hey love nothing is your fault. The fighting is not because you did something wrong I understand how u feel my parents are constantly fighting and yelling at me and it makes me anxious and I have had panic attacks over it. But it will be ok, suicide is not a solution it never is.

[Darklight_465 in reply to Darklight_465]

im here for you if you need to talk pm any time

[Work_in_progress]

A family that is dysfunctional is something you are born into. If this is what goes on around you then it is all you know.

Remember, we are all creatures of habit and we reflect our environment. You have already made a huge leap and trusted yourself in knowing your family is toxic, difunctional and causing you great pain. You have been taught this is how you communicate and you now know it isn’t working, because it doesn’t work. It feels ugly, wrong, it makes you feel sick like eating a hole bunch of sugar on an empty stomach. All of those lights that should be going off to warn you of trouble have been talking to you, but you have not been shown how to properly respond. You beet yourself into the ground emotionally and physically, by the negative emotions. You need to find a counselor or therapist that can help you to learn the healthy way to respond and deal with these toxic people that you love and care about.

First thing is to recognize that you and only you can change you and to trust in what you know you need to do to change you. Most of the time a therapist or counselor is the best place to start to get a non-bias opinion from someone that is there to listen and help guide you. It may take a few to find one that is a great fit, but it has to happen to get better. You need the guidance they can provide to learn how to respond in a healthy way to these toxic people.

Second you again is where you need to start. Try yoga, you can do this in your room with your phone. It helps your brain realize you are strong in many ways and it boosts your self image at the same time provides relaxation through concentration and blood flow. It gives your brain something positive to focus on. Your brain chemicals will thank you for it.

Third try using a calm voice when trying to communicate with your family, when you refuse to yell or show heightened emotions people tend to follow in that direction. This takes much patience and strength. You can tell them that you no longer will accept the yelling and will listen when they are able to calmly talk. This will take a lot of strength, so be prepared to walk away and not feel any guilt for setting boundaries and sticking to it. Stick to it and don’t be sucked in. Toxic behavior is toxic and just like an alcoholic you must not partake. Walking away and not getting sucked into their ways is the only way you will break free and see the wonderful person you are.

Maybe some day soon you will be able to set boundaries that will help them to change how they communicate, but first you need to work on you and that is ok. Walking away from them at times of heightened toxicity is perfectly ok and expected. You are worth the extra care and consideration to get healthier minded.

Also it’s important to get help now. This is truly one part of the key to being happier. You are not as angry or horrible as you think. We all have had to learn how to better manage our self’s from one time or another. You are what your environment reflects on to you and part of that is that they have let you believe you are a negative force while they have done the same. You can be the person to break that cycle in you.

I believe in you, so you should believe in you.

[coolkitty1934 in reply to Work_in_progress]

well there is a lot of good advice but the fact is the arguing didnt start until i acted up even for a while they tried to deal with me but then they just exploded and the fighting started they were tired of dealing with me and didnt know what to do i have a therapist and it turns out that my mom didnt get much love from her parents and had a brother who was acting up eventually leading him to jail so i get why she acts like she does she doesnt know how to show her love to me since her mom didnt really show her love add that to the fear that i would turn out like her brother and well thats why im so messed up..every little sign of acting up she went overboard to snip it in the bud but it only ended up making it worse so my mom is just as bad off as i am.but the fact is it all started when i started acting up even if my mom made it worse if i didnt act up then there would be nothing to make worse

[Work_in_progress]

It sounds like you know what you are doing to cause issues. It’s great that you and your therapist are recognizing that and working on you.I’ll bet you and your Mom or Parents in total would benefit from family counseling. It appears there is some past disfunction that needs to be worked out.

You are important and things can change.