Feeling really hopeless

[Lycholko]

I just tested positive for the big sick this morning. I was sick since Monday and tested negative on an at home test but positive on the more accurate one. I am recovering but I'm still anxious that I'll have trouble breathing for the rest of my life. I do have some shortness of breath but I am 99% sure it’s just the anxiety. And to make things better, I got my period yesterday and have bad cramps. AND it snowed and my friends went sledding without me. I know they shouldn't invite me and I shouldn't go out but it still hurts. I'm so fatigued but also have to make up for my lost school time. I feel like I have no one to talk to. I don't want to talk to anyone in my family cause they already had to put up with me sick. I don't feel like doing anything. I don't even feel like napping even though I should. My therapist isn't getting back to me and it feels like my life is falling apart. The only good thing that happened to me recently was that I got a lead role in my school's musical.

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry that you are sick and I hope for a speedy recovery for you. Your friends probably didn't even think about how not inviting you would make you feel. After all, people are really more interested in themselves. I've always dealt with something somewhat similar. I have always focused on what others' behaviors towards me might mean. I have learned that about 95% of the blanks my mind fills in regarding motives of how other people react to me have been wrong. I would think that someone is deliberately ignoring me when in fact they are busy dealing with something in their own lives, I would think that someone else hates my guts when in reality they don't, etc.

My period always puts me in an unusually bad mood. I've given up trying to figure out why. It takes too much energy to try and find sense in the nonsensical, so I've learned to ride it out. There is a silver lining to the pattern, though, and that is in knowing that my unusally bad mood will subside with the end of my cycle.

That is so neat about the musical! Congratulations! Can I ask what it is and what your role will be? I love musicals! My favorites are Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera, Starlight Express, and Cats.

Hold onto those happy times, as they will help drown out the unhappy times.

[Lycholko in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your response. My friends don't even seem like friends anymore. My best friend since we were 5 always bails out when we have plans to hang out with two other people. I know she may not think she is hurting me but it still does. I was thinking about confronting her but she will probably just get angry at me. The musical is Anastasia and I’m playing the Dowager Empress. I also LOVE Les Miserables! It was the first musical I fell in love with.

[Hidden in reply to Lycholko]

Awesome! Is this your first time in a lead role? You're welcome! It's actually 3am here. I was alseep, but then my brain decided to turn on 30 minutes ago (brains.... -- can't live with 'em and can't live without 'em). I'm going to try sleeping again. Nice talking with you! I'll be back in several hours.

[Lycholko in reply to Hidden]

Goodnight and thank you for responding again!

[Yuuupsongbook002]

I know how you feel. I hope you feel better.

[Midori]

Big Question, Have you been Vaxxed? if you have You are likely to have milder symptoms than someone unvaxxed, less likely to need hospitalisation etc.

[Lycholko in reply to Midori]

Yeah I’m vaccinated. I was going to schedule my booster but then I got sick

[AnxiousCanadianChic in reply to Lycholko]

I wouldn’t worry, my brother is 56(I think 😂) and is obese, pre diabetic and has high bp and he and my sister-in-law both got Covid just before Christmas (bother are double vaxxed) and they just had runny nose, sore throat and body aches.. and loss of taste and smell. It lasted about 5 days with only 2 bad days. I’m sure you’ll be fine.

As for the friends situation, I’m the same and I think a lot of us here are. It’s definitely an anxiety thing to think the worst. I have given up a good friend but I thought long and hard about it first and he really didn’t show any interest in me or my well-being. I know sometimes I’m a bad friend, if my anxiety is sky high and I just have to cancel. IF you talk to your friend, bring it up gently and in a way that you’re not accusing her of being a certain way. Maybe just ask if she’s ok with you and if anything’s bothering her.

Congrats on the lead role 🙌