How do you mentally come to terms with incompatibility in a relationship?

[MoldyPenny]

Well, things aren't nearly as good as I thought they were. I approached my boyfriend about how I had been feeling like he was putting distance between us, and he hit me with how he's been feeling like we might be incompatible. I'm devastated. How can this possibly be? We just got through something so big, and now we might not be compatible? It feels surreal. My life is a constant up and down right now, and I want to get off this rollercoaster so badly.

[Shnookie]

Hi it’s Shnookie. Sorry U R having this situation with your boyfriend. Is the big thing that U two got thru connected to anything with mental health issues? If so it might have made him uncomfortable or scared him off. I’m not saying this to be mean. It’s just that many people don’t know how to deal with the challenges that occur. Im here 4 U. Hugs 🤗 S

[MoldyPenny in reply to Shnookie]

It is very much connected, and I’ve been getting help & making progress in my opinion. He, however, doesn’t think I’m doing enough & feels we may now be incompatible. I’m very torn on what to do next, because we haven’t broken up. He says he needs to reorganize his thoughts & assess things, which I respect, but how do I continue in a relationship that has a likelihood of failing in the near future?

I wanted to approach him & tell him I thought making more of an effort to spend time together outside of our home would help me, but now that seems like a strange thing to do. I want to do things to try to strengthen our bond again, but I also want to distance myself incase the worst case scenario happens.

[Shnookie in reply to MoldyPenny]

So U live with your boyfriend? By what U wrote, it sounds like he needs to wrap his head around what he wants out of your relationship. Was one of thenissues that U 2 didn’t spend enough time together ? or that the underlying mental health issue wasn’t prortlymaddressed ?

[MoldyPenny in reply to Shnookie]

A little bit of both. I don’t feel we do enough together, or that he wants to have new experiences with me. He feels that because I’ve taken some time away from therapy that I’m not taking it seriously enough. We both probably feel the way we feel because of the actions of the other person, honestly.

[Shnookie in reply to MoldyPenny]

It sounds like a possible trust issue. R U in therapy now. I know that COVID has made it more difficult for many of us to talk to our therapists enough. Would couples therapy help ? Not to be intrusive but has this negatively affected your intimate life ?

[MoldyPenny in reply to Shnookie]

I’m not currently in therapy due to insurance issues, and not really feeling like my last therapist & I clicked. I’d be open to couples therapy, he doesn’t like the idea. I’d like to go through it, but I don’t know that I’ll be able to convince him it’s a good idea. And you’re not being intrusive at all, no it hasn’t effected our intimacy. At least not until now, idk if I can be intimate with someone who feels we might be incompatible.

[Shnookie in reply to MoldyPenny]

Understandable reason intimacy. I wish U good luck and to an open line of communication