Who am I supposed to talk to?

[SadArtistLikesBlue]

I'm new here, but I really felt as if I needed to let this out somewhere

I've suffered with horrible depression for years, so horrible I have multiple times attempted to take my own life. This was mostly because of my terrible living situation along with traumatic experiences like verbal, emotional and physical abuse. My attempts to talk to people always ended up hurting me more, until one of these times I got legal help and was sent to a mental health institution where I was diagnosed formally and treated

It's been about a year since then, it has taken me some time to heal from my immense trauma, so I've had my ups and down although mostly ups. The people responsible for most of my abuse stopped and changed themselves as best they could. I had hopes for happiness.

Recently though, they've gone back to that behavior, I used to take it easier back then, I was used to hurtful words and hurtful actions; but now it hurts way worse, its terrifying thinking I could go back to that place in time that still gives me nightmares. I'm scared and angry and I feel guilty because maybe it's me that's the issue, maybe I do deserve to be called names and hit and deprived from joy.

Back then I had people I could talk to, I relied on them, but I pushed them away, I can't seem to let anyone too close without freaking out and distancing myself again. Only person I'm close to is my partner but it makes me sick thinking about making myself vulnerable to them.

I have a therapist, but because of his schedule its hard for us to talk as often as I would want.

I'm angry and scared and sad but I can't talk about it; my family won't listen, I don't have friends and I don't want my partner to see that part of me yk?

Who am I supposed to talk to? Who?

a councilor would just send me to a hospital

family would call me dramatic and brush it off

I don't know what to do about these feelings, for a while I used to over medicate myself, that way I'd be too woozy to think or feel, but I know I can't keep doing that

[Agora1]

Hi new friend... Welcome to a safe and caring site.It's true that you can't keep medicating yourself to feel void and numb.

On this forum, you will find people like yourself willing to listen, willing

to understand because we have felt the pain.

You are no longer alone. I'm glad you are here with us xx

[SadArtistLikesBlue in reply to Agora1]

thank you

[b1b1b1 in reply to SadArtistLikesBlue]

I second what Agora said. I do hope you will find comfort here in both reading and posting. You certainly don't deserve to be hit, called names or deprived of joy. No human being does. It is good that you do have a psychiatrist, even if there is not always enough time to talk. xx

[Ramon123]

I am so sorry for what you experienced. It is very hard to overcome trauma and abuse and the anger you feel for the deficits you've faced are very real. My hope for you is that you can find a community of support that will honor you and provide you with a listening ear and emotional care. We are here for you here when you need to chat or ask questions. Sometimes when we find ourselves here we feel like we have no where else to turn, but there are millions of people out there who feel sad and alone as well. We all have to find each other.

[Muskrat23]

You are not alone. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for many years. I have no one to talk to besides my girlfriend. I don't want her to be the only person that I go to and it has caused problems in our relationship. I am struggling with finding someone to talk to as well. I hope that life will get better for the both of us. Take care my friend.

[swordfishll]

Nobody deserves physical or emotional abuse,ever. I have a dr that I see for therapy, it changed everything for me. It’s taken over four years but I went from hating myself to loving myself. Since nobody is there to support you need to find an outlet to receive support. You can look online and they can be really wonderful, they understand what you’re going through. I found narcissistic abuse forums to be especially helpful cause I’m married to a narcissist. For now, but I’m leaving ☺️

[Midori]

Is it possible for you to move out? If your family are so toxic to you, it might be an option if you are working.

You have all of us to talk with and support you in your journey.

It is a big step if you haven't done it before, but It may help, especially if you can find a group in your area with the same interests as yourself. I am assuming your username is reflecting your interests, there are usually local interest groups which you could find quite easily, online or in art stores, if they have a noticeboard.

In the meantime, we are all here to help support you.

Cheers, Midori

[Daveacr1959]

Keep up with the dr and medicine. Before you get out of bed, do the Wim Hof guided breathing exercises free on you tube. Get 45 minutes of cardio exercise daily to produce endorphins that calm and balance your brain just like the breathing exercises. After your shower rinse 5 minutes in cool water. Lowering the temperature a bit each week. Until after a month or 2 it’s pure cold. Or it can be a pure cold 5 minute bath. Read my profile I’m a mess too. But this stuff helps me it really really helps, please try it!! And email me anytime you want. It’s good to know we are not alone. There are millions of us struggling mentally.

[car67]

You are definitely not alone we are here to support you and each other , someone, somewhere has suffered some kind of trauma on their life , it’s how we deal with it. You do not deserve to be treated the way you have been, no one has the right to abuse you in any way , please be strong , listen to self motivation on you tube videos there are some great ones out there.