Avoidance and Fighting

[CarlJames]

When you are feeling good, you look for how to avoid ever going down the rabbit hole again.

And when you inevitably do have a setback and slip down the rabbit hole again, you try to claw your way back out as quickly as possible.

Both these things keep you yoyo-ing back and forth between peace and suffering.

Here is the truth about anxiety. You can't stay out of sensitization, setbacks, or suffering by sheer force of will, or by doing everything "perfectly" (whatever that looks like). So, you may as well accept it is going to happen again. The way to recovery is to learn how to accept being sensitized and upset. It is this acceptance that will lead to healing. This is how it works:

• When you develop a level of acceptance of being down the rabbit hole, you will begin to lose your fear of it.

• When you lose your fear of it, you lose your need to fight against it happening.

• When you no longer fight against it happening, it magically happens less often and less easily.

But always, always, always, even as you approach recovery, you must remain accepting of the possibility of going back down the rabbit hole, and accepting if and when it happens again. Do not entertain the thought of "I hope that was the last time". Always accept it may happen again at any time, but with the knowing that you can handle it.

Here is the necessary approach.

When you go down the rabbit hole, try going deeper, rather than trying to claw your way out. Surrender to the painful emotions, anxiety, symptoms and suffering. Go deeper and deeper into it. You'll find there is a secret door at the bottom that opens upon a new way of viewing setbacks, rabbit holes, and "suffering".

Don't look for that door. You can't see it by searching. Just keep going deeper and deeper into the pain, fear and anxiety. Do this as an observer, rather than as the sufferer of it. Keep going deeper until you magically come out of that door.

Use this approach to setbacks every time you enter one. Always try to go deeper into it, willingly, without resistance, until you emerge out of the bottom of it.

[Agora1]

I like your post CarlJames A very enlightening approach xx

[Agora1]

Carl, I keep going back to your post.. "a back door approach" insteadof fighting and clawing, acceptance comes into play once again.

Very wise, very helpful. Make it an amazing day my friend xx

[CarlJames in reply to Agora1]

Thanks, Agora1. It is the opposite of what we usually do. But it works. It really does break the cycle.

Have a wonderful day too.

😊

[Jeff1943]

This is the truth, this is the solution to anxiety disorder as taught by Claire Weekes: Face - Accept - Float - Let time pass.Untold millions have proved that it works!

[CarlJames]

Medication can definitely be helpful glenninindy. Especially if the anxiety or panic is very intense, making it difficult to face and accept. By reducing its intensity, it allows you to stop fighting it. When you come off the meds, if you continue to stop fighting it then you can remain anxiety / panic free.

Meds can help, but the key to recovering from anxiety and panic is to learn how to face and accept (allow) the feelings. Easier said than done, I know.

[mountainsovervalleys]

I enjoyed your post and found truth in it Carl, but it must come from experience. How was it for you, learning to navigate difficult and intense emotions? Becoming the observer and being open without "seeking"?

[CarlJames in reply to mountainsovervalleys]

Well, I certainly didn't find it easy. When I first learned about this approach, I couldn't imagine ever being able to do it. I mean, I just wanted to be free of my anxiety, why would I try and face and accept it? Wouldn't that just make things worse? It seemed to me then that accepting it meant I would be doomed to have it forever. Of course that isn't true, but I just couldn't see how acceptance or allowing the feelings would work.

But I'd fought my anxiety with everything I had for so long, and that clearly didn't work, so I thought "What have I got to lose?" and decided to try the acceptance approach.

The first time I just let the anxiety and panic happen, let it wash over me, I thought it was going to overwhelm me. But it didn't. It actually changed from something scary to something just intense. I didn't die. I didn't have a stroke or heart attack. I didn't go crazy. I actually had a feeling of relief afterwards.

I did it many more times, and it got easier as time went on. After a while, my anxiety levels started to come down. I was on the road to recovery.

[Eggshell38]

Wow CarlJames, such a nice post and exactly what I needed to read right now. It is exactly what I was trying to explain to someone today, who is currently not dealing with emotions (by not dealing with, I mean by numbing them). I wonder sometimes if maybe that person cannot see there is another path, even when you try to explain it to them. Maybe I cannot help this person in the here and now.

[CarlJames in reply to Eggshell38]

Glad it helped you, Eggshell38.

Sometimes people need to numb their emotions. Maybe they would be more open to the alternative path when they are not hurting as much. Even then, I find often all you can do is let people know there is another option. They may not be ready for it, or they may not trust or believe it will help them. However, if they see the wisdom in it they will come to it when they are ready. I always try and support them in whatever choice they make.

[Eggshell38]

Thank you for your kind words, you truly are wise It's hard for me to support choices that I judge badly. Maybe I need to reconsider this relationship. I'm sorry I'm rambling, this isn't one of my good days. But your posts helped a lot, you have a wisdom that I find very deep, loving and healing. Thank you again. Have a nice night

[Eklektik]

Hi Carl, your post echoes something I "tried" yesterday. Anxiety was coming back, not full force, but definitely there. It was time for bed, and I kind of decided to "lean into it", as if I was inviting it to enjoy the warmth of the bed with me. It was bitter sweet. I eventually fell asleep and this morning was calm. Right now, just not running away feels like a victory. I hope I'll soon be bold enough to try going deeper as you suggest. Who knows what I might find? Thanks for your always useful insights. Hope you are well!

[CarlJames in reply to Eklektik]

That is indeed a victory, Eklektik.

Leaning into it is good. It can take a bit of courage to do, but you don't have to force anything. You just need to do it as willingly as you can.