Problems avalanche. Are we cursed or what?! And all while i'm struggling.

[Against_the_current]

Like the Universe is playing "what would it take for this b to go insane". Both me, mom and even sis have this feeling of avalanching problems. I hope it's just in my head. Probably i'm not really in the state to express myself. It's a long story but let's get to today because i have this feeling of curse. So in my country this day is how your new year will be. Today mom couldn't sleep because i'm sick and i was breathing loud while sleeping, sis woke up for school and started to yell because some clothing of hers needed sewing and me and mom were too sleepy to take care of her, then my alarm for class woke mom again, then her phone about something she ordered isn't there, then her Boss to tell her she should be at work and mom thought she's afternoon shift, then i had therapy and i paniced even more, then my sister came and i told her not to yell at morning and she started crying, she said it's because of us not taking care of her, then mom got back home and she said she had terrible day. Mom was mad problems avalanche and that her work is hard. Sis was mad we didn't take care of her, and that our family is terrible and school. I'm panicing all day and trying my best to help them but i can't. I've been trying my best since 2020 when i found out dad's having another baby. I try my best to care about them but i'm broken. And i'm between the two frontlines mom and sis. I can't. I tried to move out but this anxiety makes it impossible to stand my roommates. I'm stuck.

[Shnookie]

Hi this is shnookie. It sounds like U R having a challenging time living in your current place. I want U to know that I am here 4 U and we can personally message each other. U mentioned something about therapy. R U seeing a therapist ? Have U been prescribed any meds. The right meds will make U feel better. U mentioned moving out. Do U have family that U can move in with ? Also it seems like your sister might need to become more reliant and less dependent on you and mom. Remember I’m here 4 U. I can clearly see, the difficulty of your situation. Please personally message me.

Hugs 🤗 S

[Against_the_current in reply to Shnookie]

Thanks Shnookie, i really need support right now. I have meds prescribed, last i saw a psychiatrist at 18th november and he just prescribed me more of my last meds. I have seen others before him but he confirmed my meds. I'm in phone therapy but i feel like she's making me feel worse. I changed many therapists and am currently with this one for like the start of this year and i can say they all were terrible, she includes but i'm working with her on a program so i don't pay full price. But i'm thinking whether i should change her. I'm glad to hear that with better meds and therapy it can get better. Glad to hear my sister needs to be less dependent on me. And that i'm supported. Because when your own family isn't a safe space, you need it more than ever. I tried to move out but it didn't work. I tried to live with dad many times but it's how my mental health declined. Seeing his girlfriend pregnant killed my mental health. And now i can't even go to that apartment when the monster is born and there. I tried to go to grandpa at the countriside but there is a game of survival - there wasn't an inside toilet and bathroom and the electricity was stoping. I had to survive not only mentally but physically too. Also when i was there i was always worried what is mom thinking about me. I never felt good there. I am trying to move out but i couldn't either. I think i wrote some posts. My roommates gave me no vacay. And i struggled taking care of myself. I'm struggling where to be, i'm terrified everywhere. I'm really wounded and i need a safe place and care. But i can't get that